I don't even know where to start. My father used to abuse me. He loved me and still loves me(I hope.). One of my earliest memories are him hitting me because I didn't want to sleep next to him. He didn't know how to deal with his anger and neither did I. Then as I grew up my brother started to beat me up. I still have vivid memories of my nose bleeding several times.
I was socially awkward. Even in kindergarden my teachers and my friends pointed out that I was a weirdo. Then in elementary school, I got bullied multiple times. But my parents cared none because I had had two many quarrels with my friends that one of my teacher told my mom 'I thought she had no parents because of her unusual behaviors.'.
Things got worse when I hit puberty. My relationship with friends always caused trouble. I always caused trouble. I felt alone. I think when I was 10 I started doing SH. Then, my parents sent to me to Australia for 3 months and that was the highest point of my life. I finally had friends. But I had to come back, because it was so expensive to study abroad. As I spent more time in Korean middle school, I became this horrible person that I don't wanna even write about. I quit school, and took a rest for about a year.
Then my parents decided to make me study abroad in the US. I had already been diagnosed with depression before I went to America. I went abroad alone, and lived in homestay. To summarize my highschool year in the US, I was very good at academics but always had trouble with friends and the homestay families. It was a constant problem that I could not fix.
After high school, I decided to stay in America and go to american college. Things went well for about 3 months or so and then it spiraled down into depression again. I had to come back to Korea. I finished my university in Korea as well. After university, I got a part time job and worked there for 4 days. The boss sexually assaulted me. He touched my thigh, my back, my shoulder. I eventually sued him but the prosecutor said that the evidence is not enough and it is likely that it's going to end without giving him any punishment. He can also sue me back for 'falsely accusing' him. Total BS.
Then I got a job. I came to Seoul, and everything seemed great for a while. I got a new boyfriend, career and my new, small, but private home. Then, after 3 months, I got into trouble again. My lead got angry at me for making jokes and decided to report that to the HR. The company said that they are going to extend the probation period 3 months more. The day that they told me that I tried to ctb. Didn't work. My friends came to visit me, and my ex boyfriend was worried about me too. Then he dumped me, because he didn't want to deal with this mental illness bs.
I quit the job and I got a new job afterwards. And that job didn't last longer either. I couldn't go to work, I couldn't get up, I had no motivation.(This was when I had heard the news that the prosecutor was not going to take my case to the court) I was a useless junk at work so my colleagues hated me. I quit again. I tried multiple ctb attempts which all failed so I decided to get hospitalized.
Now it has been 2 month since I came out of the hospital. I still suffer depression. I still feel like ctbing. I don't even know why I'm writing this, I just want it to put it out there.
Thanks for reading this long post.
Have a nice day.
I was socially awkward. Even in kindergarden my teachers and my friends pointed out that I was a weirdo. Then in elementary school, I got bullied multiple times. But my parents cared none because I had had two many quarrels with my friends that one of my teacher told my mom 'I thought she had no parents because of her unusual behaviors.'.
Things got worse when I hit puberty. My relationship with friends always caused trouble. I always caused trouble. I felt alone. I think when I was 10 I started doing SH. Then, my parents sent to me to Australia for 3 months and that was the highest point of my life. I finally had friends. But I had to come back, because it was so expensive to study abroad. As I spent more time in Korean middle school, I became this horrible person that I don't wanna even write about. I quit school, and took a rest for about a year.
Then my parents decided to make me study abroad in the US. I had already been diagnosed with depression before I went to America. I went abroad alone, and lived in homestay. To summarize my highschool year in the US, I was very good at academics but always had trouble with friends and the homestay families. It was a constant problem that I could not fix.
After high school, I decided to stay in America and go to american college. Things went well for about 3 months or so and then it spiraled down into depression again. I had to come back to Korea. I finished my university in Korea as well. After university, I got a part time job and worked there for 4 days. The boss sexually assaulted me. He touched my thigh, my back, my shoulder. I eventually sued him but the prosecutor said that the evidence is not enough and it is likely that it's going to end without giving him any punishment. He can also sue me back for 'falsely accusing' him. Total BS.
Then I got a job. I came to Seoul, and everything seemed great for a while. I got a new boyfriend, career and my new, small, but private home. Then, after 3 months, I got into trouble again. My lead got angry at me for making jokes and decided to report that to the HR. The company said that they are going to extend the probation period 3 months more. The day that they told me that I tried to ctb. Didn't work. My friends came to visit me, and my ex boyfriend was worried about me too. Then he dumped me, because he didn't want to deal with this mental illness bs.
I quit the job and I got a new job afterwards. And that job didn't last longer either. I couldn't go to work, I couldn't get up, I had no motivation.(This was when I had heard the news that the prosecutor was not going to take my case to the court) I was a useless junk at work so my colleagues hated me. I quit again. I tried multiple ctb attempts which all failed so I decided to get hospitalized.
Now it has been 2 month since I came out of the hospital. I still suffer depression. I still feel like ctbing. I don't even know why I'm writing this, I just want it to put it out there.
Thanks for reading this long post.
Have a nice day.
from what I've seen up here you seem to have a kind heart, I wish you didn't have to go through all this crap
