When life is no longer satisfying.

[steve021]

The reason I'm leaving my life is because I'm no longer capable of anything. I see social contact as a necessary evil and get no satisfaction from the day at all. Sometimes people need to be honest with themselves. If life is experienced as unbearable, there are options to alleviate it. When all these options have been tried, only death remains. Of course, it is a prerequisite to have tried everything. It must be a considered decision and not an action born of impulse.

The things I have tried are working for a company, having a girlfriend, structuring the day, admission to a psychiatric hospital, cognitive behavioral therapy, medication, changing diet and exercise. Without success. There is nothing that could stop me from my wish. Unless you know what I could try?

The days now are filled with walking, shopping and the rest I use the computer.

Some people say it's hard to say goodbye to life. For me it is a redemption. Of course I don't know where I will end up when I die. What happens then? But I'm willing to take that risk.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I agree. I think we all need to ask ourselves what it is we really want in life. How much effort are we willing to put in to get it? How much failure are we prepared to tolerate? How likely is it we will succeed? Do we have enough will and staying power to try even?

It's harder of course if there aren't things that specifically appeal. Some people have strong desires in life- the want to find a partner, the desire to pursue a career or hobby. I get the sense that you don't have things you want maybe now? Just that you've tried a whole range of things to see if they made a difference and, they haven't?

In which case, it's kind of hard to advise on. I'd imagine say someone who desperately wants to backpack around Australia, saves up, and does all the planning and research is going to get more out of the trip rather than someone who doesn't especially want to go but does it just to see if it will make a difference.

That said- I've taken a few more modest holidays to more local places- without my heart being entirely in them and they have been good. Just to be in a different environment and to make yourself relax. So- I'd say that is worth a shot. Go see some beautiful places maybe. It's not exactly a long-term solution though. I'm not convinced someone who has decided for themselves it's over is going to be all that enthusiastic about trying to live to be honest but I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.

 

[steve021]

I agree. I think we all need to ask ourselves what it is we really want in life. How much effort are we willing to put in to get it? How much failure are we prepared to tolerate? How likely is it we will succeed? Do we have enough will and staying power to try even?

It's harder of course if there aren't things that specifically appeal. Some people have strong desires in life- the want to find a partner, the desire to pursue a career or hobby. I get the sense that you don't have things you want maybe now? Just that you've tried a whole range of things to see if they made a difference and, they haven't?

In which case, it's kind of hard to advise on. I'd imagine say someone who desperately wants to backpack around Australia, saves up, and does all the planning and research is going to get more out of the trip rather than someone who doesn't especially want to go but does it just to see if it will make a difference.

That said- I've taken a few more modest holidays to more local places- without my heart being entirely in them and they have been good. Just to be in a different environment and to make yourself relax. So- I'd say that is worth a shot. Go see some beautiful places maybe. It's not exactly a long-term solution though. I'm not convinced someone who has decided for themselves it's over is going to be all that enthusiastic about trying to live to be honest but I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.

Thanks for your message.

Just after a difficult period, a few months ago, I went on holiday with my then girlfriend to clear my mind. It did help, but did not allow me to distance myself from my wish. I traveled throughout Europe during my adolescence, but I was constantly confronted with the feeling that I did not want to live.

I personally think that life is not for everyone and that someone is lucky if he/she has the genes that lead to a satisfying life.

 

[doneforlife]

I agree. I think we all need to ask ourselves what it is we really want in life. How much effort are we willing to put in to get it? How much failure are we prepared to tolerate? How likely is it we will succeed? Do we have enough will and staying power to try even?

It's harder of course if there aren't things that specifically appeal. Some people have strong desires in life- the want to find a partner, the desire to pursue a career or hobby. I get the sense that you don't have things you want maybe now? Just that you've tried a whole range of things to see if they made a difference and, they haven't?

In which case, it's kind of hard to advise on. I'd imagine say someone who desperately wants to backpack around Australia, saves up, and does all the planning and research is going to get more out of the trip rather than someone who doesn't especially want to go but does it just to see if it will make a difference.

That said- I've taken a few more modest holidays to more local places- without my heart being entirely in them and they have been good. Just to be in a different environment and to make yourself relax. So- I'd say that is worth a shot. Go see some beautiful places maybe. It's not exactly a long-term solution though. I'm not convinced someone who has decided for themselves it's over is going to be all that enthusiastic about trying to live to be honest but I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.

But then , to try anything, one needs to have desire, right ? Crores of people are madly in love with football. I wouldn't go and watch a match live in the stadium. I just have no inclination for sports. Why would I even try ? Is it ethical for the medical world to force me to take meds so that I may magically start loving football? I feel ok in the comfort of my home not being forced to watch live sports just because the rest of the world loves it. Feel free to replace football with any other activity.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thanks for your message.

Just after a difficult period, a few months ago, I went on holiday with my then girlfriend to clear my mind. It did help, but did not allow me to distance myself from my wish. I traveled throughout Europe during my adolescence, but I was constantly confronted with the feeling that I did not want to live.

I personally think that life is not for everyone and that someone is lucky if he/she has the genes that lead to a satisfying life.

Yeah, I agree. I mean- we can't pretend to feel what we don't. I know what you mean- these sorts of things can be good distractions at the time but they don't necessarily make living itself feel worthwhile.

I feel lucky that I can still experience joy and appreciation- so I'd question it if someone tried to blame my ideation on depression or mental illness. Still- overall, life just simply doesn't seem worth the effort to me! I think that's a reasonable conclusion to come to.

Seeing as my situation isn't currently as bad as it could be, I do feel able to hold on until my closest loved ones go first. But after that, I think it's reasonable to chuck the towel in because- why should we live solely just to not inconvenience others? I don't want to be a slave at the end of the day.

But then , to try anything, one needs to have desire, right ? Crores of people are madly in love with football. I wouldn't go and watch a match live in the stadium. I just have no inclination for sports. Why would I even try ? Is it ethical for the medical world to force me to take meds so that I may magically start loving football? I feel ok in the comfort of my home not being forced to watch live sports just because the rest of the world loves it. Feel free to replace football with any other activity.

Yeah- that's what I was trying to get at in the second paragraph... the whole: 'It's harder of course if there aren't things that specifically appeal...' So- yes- I agree- it's much harder to find any way forward in life if nothing appeals. I'm not saying you should try either- I'm not pro-life! That's up to you to decide. Plus yeah- if you don't want to take mind altering drugs to make you more accepting- don't. I don't either by the way!

What I would say however is- I was going through a particularly rough patch. I was chatting to a neighbour and I told him I had holiday coming up from work. He said- you should go somewhere. I answered that it would feel like a waste because- I didn't feel in a place where I would enjoy it. He said I should do it anyway because sometimes you don't realise it but things are helping.

Plus- be honest- have you tried multiple activities- hiking, swimming, bird watching, visiting museums, painting, sky diving, knitting, creative writing, fishing, yoga, line dancing, circus skills- whatever- to even know whether you would enjoy them? Sometimes we do actually end up getting something out of activities we are very hesitant to try. Obviously- it all hinges on money and time as well.

He was right by the way- in my case. Ok- it didn't fill me with a desire to live but- I enjoyed some of the time. Put it this way- I can see you've been on here 5 months. So- that's at least 5 months of being suicidal. Maybe it won't make a long-term difference, so you could argue- what's the point of trying anything at all? And of course- that's your right. I can't say whether you are right or wrong. But- who's to say? Maybe- had you tried mixing up your routine a little, you could have had a few moments of joy. Maybe not enough to change your mind but ultimately- we're stuck here for now. To some extent, you get to choose. You can continue doing what you know- which you know makes you miserable or, you can try doing a few other things which might make a difference or, might not.

But it's like that Einstein quote: 'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.' Of course- you could well try all these things and realise nothing makes a difference but- logically- that's a more realistic conclusion to come to after you have tried these things! But sure- if you're absolutely resistant to trying anything, then yeah- don't! It's up to you.

I agree it's unfair to say you should do it because it will work. I think it's more realistic to say- you might want to consider it because it might help. That's all really.

Personally- it would be a waste for me to go to therapy because I'm simply not that invested in recovery. I'll make some effort and some change to ensure things don't get worse for me but ultimately- it wouldn't be fair on them! I'm not willing to follow someone's advice just to see if it helps. Not all of it anyway. Personally, I think you need to be terribly open, non stubborn and trusting for therapy to work. That isn't me at all! Lol.