In the chronic illness megathread someone said its like being a prisoner. Trapped in a dysfunctional body with no hope of reprieve. The choice is to suffer an ongoing living-death or….not. My life circumstances don't even give me somewhere to see out the living-death in. Insecure home situation, nowhere that works as an alternative as someone ill, no way to work or get financial support (maybe a small possibility of work from home but cant do more than a few hours of anything a week). Cant socialise so no friends any more. Miles from family. Currently living with a new partner and kids. But its apparent I'm an immense burden. I have no life. Sit and watch tv everyday and thankful that partner takes me out sometimes. If I stay I get that as my life 'treat', if I leave I have no one and nothing.
How the hell is ctb a decision? What, to choose a life of suffering, insecurity, vulnerability, no life quality…basically in fear of the future every day. I am hurting those I am with daily. My mum is overseas and I even hurt her by being so broken becoz of falling ill. I am bringing nothing to this world.
But they say we hurt others ctb'ing. That the pain we are in just gets passed on. But I am causing hurt being here too.
I am open to hearing if there is a different decision. Its like being down a dead-end alley. I dont even have the wellness to go somewhere or do something.
What happens when the options are pain-burden v grief-release? Maybe we dont get released from our suffering by ctb, but what is the alternative, face the alleyway wall day after day after day and maintain this thing called 'hope' people talk about? Will the wall change?
Interested to hear thoughts on a different perspective. Not too many chronic illness forums really want to support this type of discussion!
How the hell is ctb a decision? What, to choose a life of suffering, insecurity, vulnerability, no life quality…basically in fear of the future every day. I am hurting those I am with daily. My mum is overseas and I even hurt her by being so broken becoz of falling ill. I am bringing nothing to this world.
But they say we hurt others ctb'ing. That the pain we are in just gets passed on. But I am causing hurt being here too.
I am open to hearing if there is a different decision. Its like being down a dead-end alley. I dont even have the wellness to go somewhere or do something.
What happens when the options are pain-burden v grief-release? Maybe we dont get released from our suffering by ctb, but what is the alternative, face the alleyway wall day after day after day and maintain this thing called 'hope' people talk about? Will the wall change?
Interested to hear thoughts on a different perspective. Not too many chronic illness forums really want to support this type of discussion!
