Venting when i'm gone, i want people to move on as if nothing happened

[miiau_]

do you ever feel like you want everything to end but feel guilty about how people will react to your death? i've always been sort of a people pleaser all my life, so i can't help but worry over making everything worse for everyone.

i feel like in my ideal world, i'm dead, and everyone moves on as if nothing happened. i know i want out, i've known it for a long time, but i wish there was a way to make everyone forget about my existence.

i'm chronically ill, often i wish my illness would get worse and do the job for me, but so far it hasn't happened. i fear hurting my loved ones is inevitable.

 

[cursedcure]

i know how you feel. i have felt it for a long time too. but it is a fact, you will hurt the people who love you when you are dead. for me too, it's the thing that keeps me here, i don't want them to remember me, i don't want them to care. but they will. they will suffer. for me, i just hope i can write a good enough letter to them, that they can understand even a little bit, and it will help them move on.

 

[NoHorizon]

Yeah, I can understand that. I find the thought of being able to erase myself from everyone's memories as if I'd never existed equally comforting and tragic.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Yes, definitely. The less drama all round the better.
I want to be forgotten as soon as possible.

 

[jinx <3]

Agreed. I have personal issues with how I see myself, and up until recently I hated myself vitriolically, so I've always wanted others to just forget about me as quickly as possible once I'm gone.
Recently though, as I mentioned, I've kinda gone back on that a little bit. I feel better about myself than I'm used to and that has manifested in the desire to be loved, something I hadn't let myself desire up until now. So I kind of want to be remembered, if only in a happy way and not in a grieving way. But that's probably too good to be true in the event of my "premature" death.
Either way, people will remember you, even if it's just for the posts you've made here. And if that's what any of us are primarily remembered for, I'd consider that a blessing, considering how comforting and open this community is and how many people have been helped by it (including me) <3.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really wish there's the option to just completely erase our existence like we never existed at all, it'd be so relieving. But I bet that eventually most of us won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here as everyone we know has to inevitably cease existing someday as well.