Venting When I was a minor

[clara_bow]

When I was a minor barely hit double digits, I did the dumbest thing I think anyone could do and I cybersex trafficked myself willingly there are videos of my body on the internet that will never be erased I just wanted to feel something love, hate , fear anything I went to chat sites that were infested with pedophiles and advertised myself I didn't even get any money from it I did it for free I stopped when I turned 13 and tried to move in with my life it's been years since I've quit and I still feel like degenerate scum
I will never not feel like a rotting femcel

 

[whywere]

1st off anyone, anywhere who would view child photos of this nature should be arrested.

2) You made a judgement in error, and I can feel your pain, I really can, as being 68, I have made so many errors that I lost count, HOWEVER life not only moves on, but it always evolves, and the past is just that the past. No one can change that aspect BUT moving forward one can gradually make improvements in one's life. Yep, it takes time and sometimes a lot longer, BUT it can lessen the memories and also new experiences help make old ones less important.

3) At the age of 68 and also this is the only net site that I have or will ever be on, I will give a lesson from my past. Back in 1981, this very cute lady wanted to go to a movie with me and I said yes. On the way back to drop her off, she bluntly told me that either she got sex that night or she would never go out with me again. The drive back to her folk's place was a long drive and gave me time to think and I gave into her request, even thou it was 100% against what I felt inside as what is right and wrong.

I went out with her one more time and she demanded the same aspect the second time and I said no.

Now I was haunted by what I gave into for over a decade, as I did not go out with another lady for some time and when I got married, fast forward and got divorced as she had a huge slot machine addiction, I had so many issues get married because of the 1981 issues, and right then and there, and I have seen lived by this, I forgave myself, chalked it up to a learning experience and it lessened a lot in my memory.

I hope and pray, as after reading your thread it is very evident that you are a smart, loving, caring and very thoughtful person, that you deserve lots of vibrant blue skies and always remember that you are family to/for me, as I have no family nor friends.

Take great care my good friend.

Walter

 

[rozeske]

I'm sorry for this. I hope you can be kind to your young self. You didn't know any better. I wish someone was by your side. That is why minors need someone by their side to protect them, to advocate and speak for them. You don't really understand the degree of danger of things or the long term effect of it at that age.

 

[astr4]

it sounds like you were hurting and did what you could to cope. i'm sorry that you had to go through that at such a young age. i hope you learn to forgive yourself. it seems to me like a lot of adults in your life let you down. even though they were "your choices," someone should have been there for you and i'm sorry that you didn't have anyone.

 

[sugarb]

When I was a minor barely hit double digits, I did the dumbest thing I think anyone could do and I cybersex trafficked myself willingly there are videos of my body on the internet that will never be erased I just wanted to feel something love, hate , fear anything I went to chat sites that were infested with pedophiles and advertised myself I didn't even get any money from it I did it for free I stopped when I turned 13 and tried to move in with my life it's been years since I've quit and I still feel like degenerate scum
I will never not feel like a rotting femcel

I don't know why younger you did that, but I doubt it was because you were a degenerate. At that age you'd be in late elementary to early middle school and shouldn't have had access to any chat sites of that nature whatsoever; the blame is on whoever should've been supervising you, not a barely pubescent child.

You might be a femcel or whatever but you're not dirty or evil for doing that way back when

 

[Endless_suffering]

I spent most of my youth in state hospitals because I was so bad. If you're not in the USA they call them asylums still. I was horribly abused (physically and sexually)and I would run away from foster care. I would fight everyone who tried to help me. I had sex with grown men on the bathroom floor of the asylum. I can never undo that. I can never take that shit back. I will always hate myself because of it. We've all done things we regret. Trust me

 

[whywere]

I spent most of my youth in state hospitals because I was so bad. If you're not in the USA they call them asylums still. I was horribly abused (physically and sexually)and I would run away from foster care. I would fight everyone who tried to help me. I had sex with grown men on the bathroom floor of the asylum. I can never undo that. I can never take that shit back. I will always hate myself because of it. We've all done things we regret. Trust me

Totally agree with you as far as we have all done things that we regret. Have I? OH YES! I can at the age of 68 look back and say to myself "REALLY?!" I did WHAT?

Now with that said, life is always in flux and changing every millisecond, and the past is the past. No, I am NOT making small, light of nothing, it is just that we are all family here and we help each other out.

I care about you, REALLY do, as nobody is an island, and we pull strength from one another and give loving vibes to everyone.

You have a heart of gold, as your post so eloquently said.

Lots of vibrant blue skies and I are about YOU, my good friend.

Walter