Discussion When does love become an (unhealty) obsession?

[Memento Mori]

Tell me your own thoughts.

 

[ReadyasEver]

If the love is mutual between two people then it really never becomes unhealthy.

 

[iHeartRockArt]

I think when jealousy gets so intense that false accusations are being made to the other partner to the point of destroying them emotionally.

 

[Johnnythefox]

When you receive that restraining order from the high court.

 

[Memento Mori]

I think when jealousy gets so intense that false accusations are being made to the other partner to the point of destroying them emotionally.

What's with reasons for accusations? What about lying to avoid (unnecessary, but for the 'ill' one justified) bad mood? Can this loss of trust be fixed if the ill one works on his complexes?

This whole trust thing is unbearable for me but having someone to be exactly as I wish would kill their freedom, even in a way I myself would know that it's not good, so there's room for acceptance... but some things are just too much to handle for both on their own way, if u made tons of big mistakes...

When you receive that restraining order from the high court.

good answer XD

 

[Johnnythefox]

This whole trust thing

Without trust there is nothing.

 

[iHeartRockArt]

What's with reasons for accusations? What about lying to avoid (unnecessary, but for the 'ill' one justified) bad mood? Can this loss of trust be fixed if the ill one works on his complexes?

This whole trust thing is unbearable for me but having someone to be exactly as I wish would kill their freedom, even in a way I myself would know that it's not good, so there's room for acceptance... but some things are just too much to handle for both on their own way, if u made tons of big mistakes...



good answer XD

I meant if someone is so obsessed that they are being controlling and accusatory of things that aren't really happening (ie cheating, etc) and it starts to break down the relationship because there's no trust..there may be a problem with that person's obsession.

I do think problems are fixable if the person is dedicated and willing to change. There has to be a lot of compromise though. It can't be all one way, or another. You can't make a person change if they don't truly want to. But then again, one person should not have to completely change who they are. That never works either.

Relationships are a lot of work, and it takes time to get to your happy place. I'm sorry you are struggling. I've been there. It's no fun.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Most "love" based relationships I see appear imbalanced, or seem to be perpetuated by familiarity or convenience. In that sense I think very few are legitimately healthy and pure as some form of dysfunction seems to be part and parcel. I guess anything that puts pressure on one party or makes them consistently unhappy or uncomfortable over an extended period should be considered unhealthy.

 

[kkatt]

A former partner became very jealous of my completely platonic friendships with other males. He was very abusive and I had him served with a restraining order. He would come round and hammer on the door while I hid behind the sofa with my kids. One day while we were out,he broke into the house,slept in my bed,wanked in my underwear drawer and left a butchers knife stuck through a photo of the kids on the kitchen table.

I admit that I have also harboured an obsession. Without them ever knowing,I obtained their address,phone number,photos of them and their family,their house(inside and out),planned the journey there and much more. But I didn't take long to realise how it had gone too far and just stopped any contact.

Many of us could be capable of stuff like this and believe it to be totally rational.

 

[stellabelle]

.... at the point when you're in their neighborhood, hiding in the bushes, and meowing at them when they walk by pretending to be a lost stray cat. Just ask @Aesthler... [i swear it wasn't me!]

No seriously though. It becomes an unhealthy obsession and abusive when your partner checks your phone, reads your messages, picks fights with you, accuses you of cheating, isolates you, doesn't allow you to have time alone, controls your money so you can't leave, ruins your friendships, doesn't allow you to have friends of the opposite gender, gaslights you by acting "good" and then hurts you. It becomes an unhealthy obsession when they don't allow you to go places or do things, won't let you be or texts you constantly, expects to know what you're doing 24/7, thinks that they are entitled to information, asks others about your sexual history or if you had sex with them before, digs through your trash, shows up at your school/work, stalks you, threatens your friends, doesn't take NO for an answer, rapes you, tries to sabotage your birth control or intentionally try to impregnate you/get pregnant, follows you in a car, tricks you, secretly tracks your location, hacks into your media, the list goes on... oh what fun domestic violence is. I lived through this shit. Fucking psycho.

 

[iHeartRockArt]

.... at the point when you're in their neighborhood, hiding in the bushes, and meowing at them when they walk by pretending to be a lost stray cat. Just ask @Aesthler... [i swear it wasn't me!]

No seriously though. It becomes an unhealthy obsession and abusive when your partner checks your phone, reads your messages, picks fights with you, accuses you of cheating, isolates you, doesn't allow you to have time alone, controls your money so you can't leave, ruins your friendships, doesn't allow you to have friends of the opposite gender, gaslights you by acting "good" and then hurts you. It becomes an unhealthy obsession when they don't allow you to go places or do things, won't let you be or texts you constantly, expects to know what you're doing 24/7, thinks that they are entitled to information, asks others about your sexual history or if you had sex with them before, digs through your trash, shows up at your school/work, stalks you, threatens your friends, doesn't take NO for an answer, rapes you, tries to sabotage your birth control or intentionally try to impregnate you/get pregnant, follows you in a car, tricks you, secretly tracks your location, hacks into your media, the list goes on... oh what fun domestic violence is. I lived through this shit. Fucking psycho.

Jc..so true, and I'm sorry you went through this abuse. Shit like this really changes a person. I went through some of it, not to this extent, but bad enough.

 

[stellabelle]

Jc..so true, and I'm sorry you went through this abuse. Shit like this really changes a person. I went through some of it, not to this extent, but bad enough.

It really does change you. It hurts. It ruins your life. It ruins your happiness. You're never the same after that. You're always expecting it and looking over your shoulder. You're constantly blaming yourself for not seeing the red flags or being able to get out of it. When they blame you and gaslight you, you question your sanity even if you know it is them that is torturing you. They blame you for getting upset with their behavior or hating your life because of them. They destroy you and everything that you love piece by piece until you are a hollow empty shell of the person that you once were.

I'm really sorry you endured abuse too. It doesn't matter to what extent it is - abuse is abuse and it is life-altering, terrifying and traumatizing.

Emotional abuse is still abuse.
Financial abuse is still abuse.
Sexual abuse is still abuse.
Just because they don't hit you, doesn't mean they aren't abusing you.

 

[iHeartRockArt]

It really does change you. It hurts. It ruins your life. It ruins your happiness. You're never the same after that. You're always expecting it and looking over your shoulder. You're constantly blaming yourself for not seeing the red flags or being able to get out of it. When they blame you and gaslight you, you question your sanity even if you know it is them that is torturing you. They blame you for getting upset with their behavior or hating your life because of them. They destroy you and everything that you love piece by piece until you are a hollow empty shell of the person that you once were.

I'm really sorry you endured abuse too. It doesn't matter to what extent it is - abuse is abuse and it is life-altering, terrifying and traumatizing.

Emotional abuse is still abuse.
Financial abuse is still abuse.
Sexual abuse is still abuse.
Just because they don't hit you, doesn't mean they aren't abusing you.

You are so right on every single thing you've mentioned. I went through a lot of emotional abuse, and abuse from an uncle at a very young age. Constantly blaming myself, and questioning my self worth. I don't know how to love myself. I think horribly of myself, so I know exactly what the extent of the immense pain can be. It's horrible, terrifying, completely changes you as a person. Sometimes I struggle even knowing who I am.

 

[WayOut]

I think when jealousy gets so intense that false accusations are being made to the other partner to the point of destroying them emotionally.

That's not love, and never was. It's ownership and control.

 

[Whatshername]

@stellabelle @kkatt and @iHeartRockArt, I'm so sorry for what you suffered. Nobody should go through life ruining shit like this, to be abused and live in constant fear and nightmares. It makes my head throb in anger.

I can consider myself relatively lucky in this regard, as I learned my lesson very early and I had people to protect me, so I didn't suffer actual long lasting trauma. As an adult I could smell possessiveness from a mile and ran for the hills before even getting involved. It breaks my heart seeing so many people suffering from domestic/sexual and other abuse. :(

 

[21Neberg]

I think horribly of myself

makes me really sad to read that... you're such a talented and kind soul!

 

[iHeartRockArt]

makes me really sad to read that... you're such a talented and kind soul!

thanks so much, I'm better than I was with it. Just have my good days and bad days I guess. Like all of us do. You're very sweet and kind as well. Very special person indeed.

 

[therhydler]

when you can't live without it *sigh*

 

[netrezven]

When you have to ask you wife is she ok to let you go out for an hour with one of your best friends. Happened to me few hours ago. Unf***kinbelivable.

 

[Johnnythefox]

When you have to ask you wife is she ok to let you go out for an hour with one of your best friends. Happened to me few hours ago. Unf***kinbelivable.

I know the feeling.