Discussion When do you know you've lost all hope

[Peacefulness]

When do you really realize you've lost all hope. Is it when you feel so tired you can't try anymore?
Or is it when you feel so embarrassed because of your mistakes that you truly don't know how?

I feel there re may always be hope unless your mental or physical condition is so overwhelming or terminal.
But everyone is different and it's hard to identify your limits.

Just some thoughts while I'm planning to ctb later

 

[Flume]

When you can't trust anyone anymore. When "I love you" and "I care" are decevied as lies no matter what. That's when it's to late.

 

[FreedomInDeath]

Peacefulness, I agree with your statement that everyone is different and has different limits. I feel there is no wrong reason to want to CTB, as long as the person is 100% sure there is no hope or no other options for them personally.

 

[Misanthrope]

Couple of moments. I am sick so am vulnerable to certain things. At one point I became very dizzy, sick and pale and my heart seemed really sluggish to the point I had to lay down. I did not call to my carer. I just lay there and thought, could this be natural causes? I just closed my eyes and hoped it was as that would be less damaging than the rejected feeling that comes with suicide. Sadly no, woke up in hospital. The fact I added sadly there is probably another sign. Second moment, interacting with my loved ones but feeling nothing other than a sense of going through the motions. Aware that I am maneuvering them to put them in a better position to soften the blow of my going. It is not terminal by the way, but it is going to get worse over time and already it is all bad enough. Hope is gone because I am already dead as far as I am concerned this husk thing is not me. The real me died two or three years ago.

 

[2manyproblems]

When something stupid happened to me I never expected and wasn't prepared to survive something like that but I was already suicidal. That just made me think I need to push myself to do it and i did some other things to make it worse so I wouldn't want to survive for sure. But that got even worse than I could have imagined. I made a mess that is worse than any reality of my problems. I learned a lot. I wish I could take my lessons into a next life but I guess that's not how it works.

 

[Peacefulness]

That's so true. But those "I cares" may not be lies but just their circumstances and evil. iF YOUR 100% no hope then it's just time. But there's also no way in knowing unless its terminal or unbearable.

 

[mediocre]

When at 27 you realise that you have no friends, no job, no education, no social skills, no skills of any sort, your mental and physical health is declining rapidly and you're in a total state of despair.

 

[girlinthetallboots]

Sadly, there is no definite way to know; you just need to trust yourself and believe you're doing the right thing for you. Be safe

 

[TheEndof]

For me, it was when the last thing I thought I knew and could be sure of and safe with, turned out to be something I didn't recognize. That was it for me. If I couldn't even hold on to and be sure of one thing in my life, then there really is no point.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I know because I become more detached every day.

 

[Moonicide]

For me it was when everything meant absolutely nothing to me. Nothing could keep me grounded. That's how I knew it was game over... It's different for everyone. But when you're a walking zombie you've pretty much lost all hope.

 

[voyager]

Well, technically there's always hope, but how realistic is it? In my experience the mind has an extremely hard time letting go and comprehending that some things can never be regained by the means available. So, to me it was when I reasonably evaluated my life and options, and came to the conclusion that I actually prefer taking my chances with ctb instead of living out this pointless existence. It has actually become easier to me than continuing. I'm at peace with the decision. I embrace it, and I'm even a little excited about it. It's not an obstacle of fear no more, but a door, one which may lead to something greater and if there is indeed nothing, I don't even care anymore, because I'm apathetic to this life and feel like I had nothing left to lose.

 

[Carina]

See, everything is subjective. It all varies from person to person.

Like to me, hope to me is a four letter word. A word that is worse than any cuss word. It exists to stop us from doing things out of guilt, or fear, or out of a desire for an outcome that potentially even all rational thought would say couldn't happen. But then not always. Sometimes it might happen. But so many times when I think or hear others say 'I hope' it's really because they've lost hope, it's more of their last hope that they know they can't possibly lose until they find something else to grab onto to try and anchor themselves to this world before they float away. So saying 'I hope' when it applies to me *is* the sign I've lost 'all hope' -- for whatever follows is more often than not hollow. It has no meaning, no attachment. It's just something to say because it's expected.

 

[BlueWidow]

For me, it's that at this point nothing anyone says or does matters. The people who think they're helping me are actually not helping me now. They are actually driving me closer to ctb because they won't leave me alone and let me live my own life the way I choose to live it. My SIL thinks she is helping me, but I've told her repeatedly that I don't need her help. Yet, she continues to force her "help" upon me anyway, whether I want it and ask for it or not. That's not my definition of help, that's my definition of trying to run somebody else's life for them because you have no life of your own. The only reason she's leaving me alone right now is because she had surgery on December 30th and she's recovering. I know once she is recovered, it's all going to start up again. I have to be out of here before that happens.
Also, it feels to me like I've heard every comment, suggestion, remedy, etc. for every problem that I have over and over again to the point where I can practically recite them all in my sleep. Everyone has ideas on how I can get over my husband's death, even though they have no clue what my relationship with him was like or how I've been feeling since he died. Everyone has ideas on what I should do about my depression and my thyroid issues, even though nobody has any clue about all the time I've wasted going to one doctor after another for decades and not getting any help.
And everyone makes the same exact simplistic suggestions over and over to you and act like it's something you've never heard before, and it's usually something that anyone with half a brain could've thought of a long time ago. Therefore, on top of having them drone on and on to me with advice that I've already heard over and over again, I also get to be insulted and have it implied that I'm so stupid I couldn't think of something as simple as going to a specialist for my thyroid, or trying this antidepressant or that antidepressant, or why don't you get a dog to distract you from the fact that your husband is dead and your life is shit. Golly, why didn't I think of any of those things?! I must be a complete moron! Oh, that's right, I DID think of those things and I did try some of them and they didn't work.
And I don't want any more distractions or temporary fixes. This time I want a permanent solution to my permanent problems.

 

[Ame]

Whenever I felt suicidal in the past, it was usually a feeling that bubbled up as a fleeting, acute response to some overwhelming pain. I've always been more compulsive than impulsive and so naturally this sort of response used to terrify me. Luckily, when I feared for my safety, I always had a solid support system to help see me through those spells. I realize that I have been so fortunate because not everyone has such protective factors.

Even at the worst points of my illness, there were still things that I dreamed of doing, projects that I wanted to set into motion and experiences that I wanted to share with others. As poorly as I felt in those dark moments, there was a part of me that really wanted to live. When I look back on those times, I think that the intensity of my illness was fueled in part by this desire to live and make a life for myself. I would cling to my eating disorder because in a way, however paradoxical, it was saving my life.

This time around, things feel different? At some point, I just decided that I don't want to live and quite frankly, I already feel like I've died in a way. I have thought on it for months now and approached the problem from various angles, but every time, I would invariably arrive at the same solution: suicide. I struggle with defining what I like because it feels as though whatever I am now is just a cheap facsimile of a person. Even if there is a spark, everything is muted. I kind of compare it to eating again after an ED, even if you have pleasant memories and expect the food to be delicious, the flavour winds up being bland and eating it only brings pain and regret.

Perhaps one of the most surprising signs was how I've been feeling whenever I've made progress in securing my exit. I remember distinctly how I felt when I first found sources that would ship to my country and it wasn't what I expected. I've been a bit down for these past few months, and so I was really taken aback by that wave of warmth and calm. I've never been manic before, but it felt like what I imagine a manic state might feel like. That isn't to say that I am not nervous (that reptilian part of my brain is doing it's job by nagging) or that I don't despair over how my death might affect others (it brings me to the edge of tears and hurts a great deal)...This is what it is and I cannot, for the literal life of me, see a better alternative.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man. - F. Nietzsche

I don't think I'll ever lose the ability to feel hope, no matter how dire my situation is. I'll still suffer, and realistically, things are much more likely to be slowly going downhill. It's like clutching at a straw. I've decided to kinda set a deadline (lol), after which I shall refuse any hope in my life. No ifs, no buts, no maybes. Had been all lies so far anyway.

 

[Sensei]

Perhaps when you feel no fear at all facing death, whether it's a terminal illness, a fatal accident, or a suicide.

 

[Lostbetweenworlds]

This question is tough to answer, because there are so many moments where I have lost hope and regained it just for it to be lost again. After a while you lose the meaning for hope and just realize that we are running in a cycle of expectations and disappointment, so the meaning of the word hope for me means.. "Getting ready for another round of suffering" I am just trying to escape this cycle honestly, and if that means that I have to CTB, well... then I will.

 

[chris8000]

I personally lost all hope of getting better when I realised I have unbearable suffering for the forseeable future. That was only recently, after years of trying my best to improve and get better, and only getting worse.

I'm generally a pretty positive, let's try and improve things kind of guy, but sometimes you cannot improve things and as well things just keep getting worse and it is outside of your control. At somepoint the futility of it became obvious to me.

So there's no point in having hope for something to get better for me, when your certain it will never get better because you know your illness.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Is it when you feel so tired you can't try anymore?

I'm here...

Or is it when you feel so embarrassed because of your mistakes that you truly don't know how?

... and here as well.


Despite my mental state, there is something inside me still fighting and I just want it to die.

 

[Rena rossy]

I have cried a lot... Too much too often but it wasn't until not so long ago that I felt numb I felt that I don't belong here, I felt that I am being a burden to friends... The only sensations I have been experiencing have been numbness and sandness... It has been becoming worse and maybe I haven't realized until then that tvis didn't happen from one day to another but it was long years of transition to how I feel now and I feel tired I feel like I have no energy left that I don't want anything else... I just want to have mi mind in blank

 

[littleflower88]

Personally it's because I've given up making the effort to put on a brave face and making it look like I'm ok. It's tiring. My relationships with my family have become so distant I feel like I shouldn't have been part of the family. I wish I could be normal like they are, but that will never happen. I've finally made peace that I just don't belong here and the sooner my family can get their heads around that it will be easier for them when I ctb.

 

[Wayfaerer]

When something stupid happened to me I never expected and wasn't prepared to survive something like that but I was already suicidal. That just made me think I need to push myself to do it and i did some other things to make it worse so I wouldn't want to survive for sure. But that got even worse than I could have imagined. I made a mess that is worse than any reality of my problems. I learned a lot. I wish I could take my lessons into a next life but I guess that's not how it works.

I can somewhat relate to that as I am making my life situation even worse but the problem I've had that brought me to this point isn't nothing.

 

[hatelife]

When you can't trust anyone anymore. When "I love you" and "I care" are decevied as lies no matter what. That's when it's to late.

ta mig till äkta kärlek, men tror inte den finns, bara mor-barn typ av kärlek som inte är ytlig

 

[Backwood_tilt]

I feel there re may always be hope unless your mental or physical condition is so overwhelming or terminal.

I've seen many people in hopeless physical health conditions, continue to hope to improve and get better. the reality for them is quite grim, and the future outlook is even worse.

Maybe you think you can be one of the special few who can make it, survive it, and live to tell the tale about your recovery from it. This kind of thinking is important for survival. But if you don't care about survival, and you want to seek peace in death, it is only an obstacle.

 

[AlreadyGone]

For me, it is when you have done everything in your power to improve your situation and exhausted all options. If nothing improves or things do not change despite your best efforts, all hope is lost.

 

[Lara Francis]

I realized that all hope had been lost when i drove nearly 300 miles to beachy head.
I was calm,collected and even excited with the prospect to ending my life and pain it brings.
It was not fear or even the SI that prevented me from jumping but seeing the image of my son in my mind as if he was stood on the edge in front of me.
My son still remains the only reason to live.
Its often the case that we sometimes have to push ourselves to the very edge of life to see wether its worth living !

 

[Jean4]

When you have a person in your life who you love more than anything in the world, and that person loves you back as much.... and it doesn't matter. Because your pain is greater than the love.

 

[Grandexit]

When you've tried all the stupid suggestions, swallowed all the stupid pills, done the therapy , read the books, done the stupid yoga, vitamins, meditated, fought and it's still the same pile of shit at the end of the day.


When the enevitable conclusion to the entire pile of shit that is life, is unchanged, insurmountable and just a giant lie. When you realize that your needs matter, and you have final say when enough is enough. When you just don't give a damn anymore and want the joke to end.

 

[Lara Francis]

When you have a person in your life who you love more than anything in the world, and that person loves you back as much.... and it doesn't matter. Because your pain is greater than the love.

This is very true.
This is where those that have no understanding would suggest we are selfish.!