When did you notice your anxiety was starting to go wrong?

[Scribble Fan]

I remember back when I was eleven or twelve there was another big move and I sort of gave up and died on the inside. After that I wasn't too keen on socializing at all, not out of frustration or anger, more out of a silent futility. What was the point of making friends if I was just going to move again (I lost way too many friends that way)? There was also something else though... this weird molten anxiety that would build up in my chest.

I tried to hide it as I wasn't keen on showing vulnerability or even feeling emotion anymore, I was trying to escape any weakness. I failed though, and anxiety would just pop up now and I remember just taking notice and... not really reacting. I don't know why, I was in a deeply bitter state. I was more annoyed by it than anything but it wasn't a surprise life was throwing another one at me. Maybe I thought it would go away if I toiled through. Very wrong, haha. It festered to the point where I felt like I had constant duct tape stretched across my mouth and school presentations became hell.

It may have had something to do with the family growing more dysfunctional and the years of trauma piling up. My soul must've had enough. To be honest, I don't truly know. I was far too apathetic back then but I didn't have anyone I trusted to tell.

So, your turn! When did your anxiety troubles kick in? Any guesses why?

 

[blanketyblk]

when coming back to the dorms after school i use to go to my bed a cry. but at some stage between 12 and 13. i stopped crying and started to hate myself instead. thinking maybe everyone is right and i'm just not worth anything. I think that is when something broken in me. when the crying stopped and the hating myself started.

 

[LongTimeComing]

I overcame my social anxiety in high school, and hadn't suffered with it since. However, when I was left by my long term boyfriend, I was in so much pain. My anxiety caused me to quit my job. I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks, couldn't stop shaking, was forced to stop drinking caffeine, and was thrown into depression. I could hardly sleep, I'd wake up with immediate panic attack, my mind went into overdrive, the pain was unbearable, I didn't look anyone in the eye, or speak to my friends. I then, later made an attempt to ctb after seeing psychiatrists and therapists. I was just told "It takes time" but I needed immediate relief. In the psych ward after my attempt, I was put on an antidepressant and another medication for my panic attacks. Now, I still mentally struggle with anxiety, but the physical effects are lessened so it's easier to tolerate. I still shake constantly and can barely eat, but I'm not manically crying, avoiding people, and my heart isn't jumping.

 

[kolski]

I've always suffered with bad society anxiety. Even as a kid social situations would kill me and I would end up crying most of the time when confronted with them.. school though never helped. If there was a key moment when I knew it had gotten out of control it would be within high school. I got so terrified of people and actual social interaction that I basically became mute for 5 years. It's still bad now, but before hand even chatting on a forum like this would have made me physically sick..

 

[Lol]

i think i noticed it developing in 6th grade, because of the way i'd shake and sweat excessively when someone sat next to me. its gotten increasingly worse over the years, considering how i get chest pains from talking to people on the internet too long, and how i get panic attacks from perceiving a bad tone when someone's talking to me. i even become obsessed with trying to look cool in front of people on the internet in attempts to feel better about myself, lol

 

[Severen]

and how i get panic attacks from perceiving a bad tone

That's horrible, considering in many countries, there is no concept of tone, when speaking. People just speak.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I failed a class in college because the professor gave me major anxiety because he hated me so I stopped going to that class.

It got better for a while after that, but I think I was just using booze as a bandaid. Then when I started teaching I started locking myself in my classroom on my conference periods and sob from all the built up anxiety through out the day. When I quit teaching and stayed in my room for 5 months solid I knew my anxiety had become its own entity I had to fight.

 

[Lol]

That's horrible, considering in many countries, there is no concept of tone, when speaking. People just speak.

no concept of tone? that's weird, i thought that at least there would be basic knowledge that indicates whether someone is sad, mad, frustrated.... y'know, those emotions

 

[Severen]

no concept of tone? that's weird, i thought that at least there would be basic knowledge that indicates whether someone is sad, mad, frustrated.... y'know, those emotions

They express emotions through actions and words.

 

[Lol]

They express emotions through actions and words.

yeah, so they basically use tone too

 

[Severen]

yeah, so they basically use tone too

No, because their words are spoken without any thought when it comes to tone.

 

[Lol]

No, because their words are spoken without any thought when it comes to tone.

nnn, okay

 

[Severen]

nnn, okay

Like, imagine if you didn't understand their language and heard them talking. You would have no idea, if they are having a friendly conversation or threatening to kill each other...