Method When autumn comes, I will leave ... (Part II)

[ae300]

Hi folks,
Unfortunately my first thread and account was lost due to data loss, so thx again for getting access to this site.
Of course, nothing has changed in my health situation, MS with TN (aka Suicide Disease) still in the house. But there are the first signs of the beginning of the Indian Summer and that means, i have to prepare myself for the last great ride!
Unfortunately plans have changed! After almost six years, the shipping company closed the route I had planned so long. My "jumping off" point to the sea can no longer be reached with cargo-only ship a the moment, I would have to rely on car ferries and cruise ships. That means: lots of passengers on deck, probably also at night when they walk the dog or go for a smoke on deck. Cruise ships even worse! More nasty CCTVs and on modern ships there is a chance for an automatic person over board detection system by CCTV/IR. The ships still need 10 to 15 minutes for a turn after mob-alert, so a fatal outcome is almost sure. However SAR-missons will be initiate, which become horribly expensive! My travel insurance does cover search and rescue costs, but only in the event of an accident and not suicide. With diving leads on your belt, plus CCTV recordings, big big problem. It's not possible, I also have a financial obligation to my heirs! So I won't be able to see my beloved sea again during my lifetime.

Goto Plan B> Plan B was developed during the Corona period. Full hanging in a remote forest. The equipment is simple, 10.5mm rope with tear resistance of 29kN. I've already tried hanging on the tree in simulation. Will do it with a simple slipknot in front and over the Adam's apple. I hope that this will protect the trachea a little at 1100 kN of downforce and that the pain will not be so severe.
I did a few days ago a test with partial. Bathrobe belt, just a loop, placed over an anchor point al one meter high, held on the other side with the hand (when unconsciousness occurs, hands open, so no prob). I was surprised how quickly it happened! The loop was under the Adam's apple and I just let my upper body hang forward. Sound became quieter, double vision and out. 5 or 6 seconds, no more and black. A few more seconds and I lay on the floor in the pillow and woke up again. No pain until blackout! Good to know, but of course I don't want to die at home! Only at the resting point of the belt a feeling of more severe sunburn for a day. A cream plus 2 paracetamol, no deal. I hope that with full suspension the blackout comes so fast too and that there is no or vy little pain.
Failure is not an option!

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck with your plans and I hope that when the time is right for you to leave you find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[ae300]

Thx a lot. Yeah my business stuff is already sold, so no more income from my side (you just feel like a parasite). Personal items and files reduced to a minimum ( 6 large bins of personal papers burned ), Family prepared that I would like to go on a short holiday trip soon, I don't think they know that this will be a very special holiday. What will it be like to lock the front door one last time? Liberating or tormenting? Saying goodbye to my wife for the last time without being able to say that we won't see each other again. Same on my adult childrens. There's a family birthday coming up soon, should I stay or leave before then? Torturing thought, but I'm running out of time and health. I've wasted years staying from one family gathering to the next, now my first bus (Plan A, see above) left without me. Time is running against me and I don't want to have to use Plan C because I can no longer leave the house because of my health. Chronic progressive illness sucks!!! Life sucks.

 

[ae300]

 

[ae300]

I failed by mother nature!
I'm back from my trip and physically and mentally exhausted now.
Saying goodbye to my family on the day of my departure was difficult, I couldn't let it show.
But after that my state of mind changed, I felt free and was firmly convinced that I would soon no longer have to endure my MS and TN.
Setup was good, I was highly motivated to finally get my bus. For me there is no chickening out about SI, my painful illness is the best counterpart to SI!
The journey to my last bus stop took several hours and went well, But at the end of my journey I discovered that my remote tree/forest no longer existed.
The entire forest has been damaged by storms this summer and is partly destroyed by fires. The hot summer caused a lot of damage!
I was able to find the remains of my tree, I had marked it using GPS and also made a mark on the bark. Right next to my ctb-tree, they used heavy equipment (probably tanks) to dig a path to prevent the fire from spreading. Right along my tree. The remains now lie mostly beside a mile-long, open, burned field. I took photos of my tree before (6 months ago during the stress test) and now, I can't believe it.
I'm still shocked. Searched for 1.5 years for the perfect (and probably only suitable) spot. All the other trees were still too young to support the weight or too old to reach a suitable branch without crampons and aids. Why does something like this happen to me? Why is it so hard to die? This was actually my backup plan, Plan B, because Plan A no longer worked, see above. I wandered around for hours, but there was nothing left except burnt forest or paths brutally cut through by firefighters. You can't imagine the disappointment.
I do not know what to do. I stayed another 2 days to find something in the neighboring forests, but the first stable branches on the trunks that were reachable were at a height of 10-15m. Unreachable for me and without professional climbing equipment. So, dying inside, I left.
Six months ago, when I was doing stress tests on my tree, everything was perfect. Miles of dense forest free of people and now the opposite. If only I had hanged myself then. I screwed up again, like plan A. I'm a loser and probably immortal, i have to suffer.
I can forget about my forests here, the trees are all too young. I looked around again today and came across so many mushroom pickers that you can't believe it.
We also have some water canals with bridges here. My idea was to hang myself there from the bridge railings after dark. With the onset of dawn I would definitely be found, but after a bit of research on vesselfinder and flightradar I found out that our waterways here are controlled at night by helicopters and water police boats. Night per Night. Damn, why? It's not a border crossing, just a stupid water channel system with some locks.
I can't hang myself at home, technically possible but I can't do that to my wife and my (adult) children. That would shock them much more than if I were found somewhere outside!
I no longer have the time nor health or money to make big plans or travel. The next bill for my medication is coming this month, again in the triple digits. This won't go well for much longer. It's almost December and I can't get my bus around Christmas. I have to have the job done this November.
I'm not very spiritual, as an engineer I prefer to pay attention to mathematics, but I've tried so many times with Plan A and something always came up ( worker stike etc.). Now this brilliant fail with Plan B. What or who in hell is ruining all of these plans for me? Statistically, you can hardly have that much bad luck.

I will now have to do reconnaissance work on the PC again. We have some high-voltage pylons here that are equipped without climbing barriers.
Some of them are far away in fields and are hardly visible from paths. A person hanging in it, perhaps still wearing appropriate clothing, would be like a line in the landscape in bad weather, poor visibility and the coming shorter daylight hours. A climb of 3-4 meters would be enough, they can all carry the weight, you don't need to worry about that. If you climb up at dusk on a day with fog or bad weather, you should hardly notice it. During the night you would be left undisturbed. With a bit of luck maybe even a few days. That should be enough. What do you mean?

 

[Division Day]

I'm sorry that you're still suffering. Hopefully you can find your escape soon.

 

[ae300]

Thanks man. So i learned my lesson.
My tip to everyone. If you are sure and have found a suitable spot, do it instantly and don't wait. When exploring possible spots, always take the entire setup with you! Always with the thought in mind that it will be done today! So before every tour, all "spying devices" must be switched off!
No next birthday of family member, no next xmas, no next ..., just do it instantly when the spot is good.
My spot was on a scale of 1-10 (1 - disappear forever , 10 - hanging in front of city hall at noon) a very good 2 !
If I immediately hanged myself after the structure stress test -> automatically cremated by forest fire! Now this spot is a 11 on this scale, because there are no anchor points anymore.
But I have already found a few new spots online, that I will explore soon! However, only scale values of 5-6, but it should be enough for one night of hanging.
And if the spot is acceptable, I won't wait any longer.

 

[ae300]

But I have already found a few new spots online, that I will explore soon!

Found a Aokigahara-like forest with multiple spots just 50 miles away. Sorry that i cannot upload images from this nice landscape, you know EXIF, digital watermarks, and so on. Wish all a smooth ride into eternity. Thx for your support. Pls delete or cross out my account, i dont need it anymore.
To all, goodbye farewell amen.