I am not currently actively suicidal, at least since early March. However, if I were to commit suicide in the future, given that the circumstances are right and things push me to go through, then I would wait for a time where people are least expecting me to ctb, do my best to avoid all red flags, and then write my notes. After everything is sorted and straightened out, then I'll wait for an opening (where people aren't home) and then quietly put my plan into action.
For example (hypothetical scenario), if I hadn't recovered in early March (meaning that if I didn't succeed in getting what I'm seeking after), then I'd spent the remainder of my time on Earth (less than 90 days) mustering the courage to ctb, tying loose ends (getting my stuff in order and stuff, pre-ctb rituals, and what not), writing my notes and letters, and then just generally living normally (as to not set off any red flags) until time draws near. Then when the time draws close, send my letters and notes (delayed of course), drink and eat for the last time, then on the very date, ready my method (the firearm - 12ga shotgun) and then relax and die (hoping the SI doesn't fuck me over).
As for now, I'm just passively suicidal, not actively thinking about ending it, but I do fantasize about how I'd end it via a firearm, where I'd be, the reactions of the people afterwards and their shock and horror especially how I've been really discreet (even to this day, nobody (not even my family) knows that I own a firearm) about ctb and even my method.
