What’s the point

[fettyboofer]

What's the point in quitting drugs, studying, working out, eating well, if I won't ever be good enough anyways? I'll always be the ugly autistic creep. I'll never be loved or have a normal social life. There's no pill for autism, or a gym for my face. My acne and acne scars are so bad, my whole face looks red and disease ridden. And it'll never go away, I have been told by my dermatologist. My teeth are worse than a crackhead's because my parents never bothered to take me to a dentist. Now they're all fucked and I don't have the money to fix it. I have zero friends. People stare at me in public when they think I can't see they're looking. Really, what's the point? None of these things are within my control. "Self improvement" will never make me good enough.

 

[hopelessgirl]

I have the same feelings of meaningslessness as you... That I'll never be good enough. I'm 30 now, bipolar and maybe borderline, and also my acne scars and blackheads and wrinkles will never go away. I don't like my face, my body, or my personality or the life I've had. I am not proud of myself. And it's only downhill from here. But I've still decided to live till I die of a natural death, which will statistically be in my 80's. Even tho both my parents died young (40 and 60) and also my diagnose may lower the amount of days I have left to live. So I have to somehow find a meaning in all this (which I am currently working on with my new psychiatrist). I've read somewehere that we're supposed to find that meaning within ourselves and in the process, but I have no idea how though. Also, not saying you should or would want to try this out, but my ex had SEVERE acne, and he went vegan and it actually healed it. I tried to be vegan for a while but I went back to a normal diet myself.... Also, he had a lot of acne scars, and he felt insecure about it, but I told him and this was true, I actually loved them and he was happy I did. But I guess that's what love does? I guess we have to learn to love ourselves for our uniqueness or something like that.

 

[figure8]

There's no point, and it's a good thing. Whatever you decide to do with your life will mostly only affect you in the long run. In a way, it's freeing.
Being loved or having a 'normal social life' means you rely on other people in order to feel happiness. I think the most empowering thing is acknowledging that you're the only one who understands you the best, and that it makes you the most reliable person in your life. Finding friends, or a romantic partner will not magically cure you. The same applies to doing other 'normal people things' you listed. Well, maybe quitting drugs is an exception. I mean, it will not magically cure you either, but doing drugs is definitely not something to improve your living conditions. Of course, we all have our own ways to cope with things.
People are judgemental, they judge the book by its cover. What's the point in having friends who would push you away because of your appearance? Your body is not all there is to you. You carry years of valuable life experience on your back. You aren't predetermined by your disorders. They're a big part of your identity, that is true, but there are always two sides of the coin. You can be so many things at once.
Life is arbitrary. There's nothing we can do about it. The best, and probably the hardest thing to do about it, is to accept it.

 

[Namensjemand]

I find it terrible that you feel you have to accomplish this or that to be loved. You shouldn't have to earn love. You should want to grow out of love for yourself. I am very sorry that isn't there.

 

[todienomore]

there are nutritonal/supplemental approaches to autism, brain has alot of neuroplasticity before 25-30yo, you can fix your skin, and did you see hunter bidens teeth before he got them fixed?

He was kinda toxic but its just something to work through, patrice o neal was ugly and pulled beautiful women. He left a lot of important advice, important lessons. Orion Taraban is a more mature version of his teachings. Some funny patrice takes here https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLV96rKcRgcYxw3yAWU2M8g

Your obstacles are only barriers if you don't stay humble enough to accept the struggle and learn from them. Life slaps us all in the face daily to remind us we are fools. You have be grateful and mindful or youll just spin around trapped in the past, trapped in illusions.

 

[fettyboofer]

there are nutritonal/supplemental approaches to autism, brain has alot of neuroplasticity before 25-30yo, you can fix your skin, and did you see hunter bidens teeth before he got them fixed?

He was kinda toxic but its just something to work through, patrice o neal was ugly and pulled beautiful women. He left a lot of important advice, important lessons. Orion Taraban is a more mature version of his teachings. Some funny patrice takes here https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLV96rKcRgcYxw3yAWU2M8g

Your obstacles are only barriers if you don't stay humble enough to accept the struggle and learn from them. Life slaps us all in the face daily to remind us we are fools. You have be grateful and mindful or youll just spin around trapped in the past, trapped in illusions.

The only thing I could even theoretically fix is my teeth, but I would need money that I do not have. Autism being "fixable" with nutrition is bafflingly ignorant, as is just stating "you can fix your skin". I cannot. There is permanent scarring.

 

[todienomore]

Scar tissue can be dissolved systemically with things like serrapeptase. Research red light therapy. Niacin. Iodine. Its all a process. Ive had a 19yo say i look ten yr younger than i am and i do physical labor for a living. I ran into a friend fom college and he was bald and gray, looked like was 55 and on deaths doorstep, at only 35. I didnt even recognize him. its diet and supplements.

You have to go to fringes of research and the internet to figure out some of this stuff. Your dr is a narcissistic pharma sales rep who took one class on nutrition a decade ago.

yeah youll have to go get your teeth done in mexico or some shit. In the meantime try dilute peroxide rinses and hydroxapatite toothpaste. Stop eating/drinking acidic and sugary stuff.

Its not qanon facebook mom groups fixing autism with chlorine dioxide, its thousands of nerds trialing supplements and research chems for neuroplasticity and shit, reading studies on sci hub. You have nothing to gain by staying addicted to your solipsistic, rigid, autistic illusions.

by all means keep jerking your brain off under blue light while eating walmart food and insisting nothing can change. Smoke more weed its totally healthy.

 

[fettyboofer]

Scar tissue can be dissolved systemically with things like serrapeptase. Research red light therapy. Niacin. Iodine. Its all a process. Ive had a 19yo say i look ten yr younger than i am and i do physical labor for a living. I ran into a friend fom college and he was bald and gray, looked like was 55 and on deaths doorstep, at only 35. I didnt even recognize him. its diet and supplements.

You have to go to fringes of research and the internet to figure out some of this stuff. Your dr is a narcissistic pharma sales rep who took one class on nutrition a decade ago.

yeah youll have to go get your teeth done in mexico or some shit. In the meantime try dilute peroxide rinses and hydroxapatite toothpaste. Stop eating/drinking acidic and sugary stuff.

Its not qanon facebook mom groups fixing autism with chlorine dioxide, its thousands of nerds trialing supplements and research chems for neuroplasticity and shit, reading studies on sci hub. You have nothing to gain by staying addicted to your solipsistic, rigid, autistic illusions.

by all means keep jerking your brain off under blue light while eating walmart food and insisting nothing can change. Smoke more weed its totally healthy.

Why are you assuming I eat shit food and sit behind my computer all day?

 

[carac]

Why are you assuming I eat shit food and sit behind my computer all day?

I would guess it was because you said about what's the point of eating healthy and doing things that would take you away from the computer. I don't like to pull the "people have it worse than you card" but there are plenty of people living happy lives with facial disfigurement, I'm no oil painting myself. I hope you don't think I'm being too hard on you but sometimes you just have to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I think of it like it's actually more important for people like us to do whatever we can, since we may need all the help we can get from the things that are still available. Exercise, meditation, sleep, diet, etc, etc. If some woman fell in love with me (suspend your disbelief) I probably wouldn't need to get all of the lifestyle stuff handled very well in order to feel ok; but as things are, I really need to have much of it handled to feel ok and maybe get a nice moment or two in. Makes sense?

For me there are also other things that can be achieved without the social stuff. Relaxation, trying to make peace with a situation, or growing in some way as a person (becoming kinder, increasing patience, understanding others, helping people, etc).

 

[fettyboofer]

I would guess it was because you said about what's the point of eating healthy and doing things that would take you away from the computer. I don't like to pull the "people have it worse than you card" but there are plenty of people living happy lives with facial disfigurement, I'm no oil painting myself. I hope you don't think I'm being too hard on you but sometimes you just have to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

I was just asking what the point is in continuing to try, not why I should start trying.

I think of it like it's actually more important for people like us to do whatever we can, since we may need all the help we can get from the things that are still available. Exercise, meditation, sleep, diet, etc, etc. If some woman fell in love with me (suspend your disbelief) I probably wouldn't need to get all of the lifestyle stuff handled very well in order to feel ok; but as things are, I really need to have much of it handled to feel ok and maybe get a nice moment or two in. Makes sense?

For me there are also other things that can be achieved without the social stuff. Relaxation, trying to make peace with a situation, or growing in some way as a person (becoming kinder, increasing patience, understanding others, helping people, etc).

Well yeah, but I don't think I can actually be happy without ever experiencing love and affection.

 

[Namensjemand]

There is no point. No one can promise you anything.

I understand the sentiment. It hurts really bad to think one will always be alone. And you give me the feeling that making it the precondition of you "trying" that you will get what you desire is also in deed too much to ask.

I face a similar situation. I want to try, but I may very well fail, ultimately, and off myself anyhow. Without trying, I can escape further pain and shame and self-hate and general suffering. But I for one am curious what I, perhaps, could be capable of, yet, and want to explore myself a bit further. I think your main focus should not be superficial stuff like your teeth or unfulfilled needs/desires but who you are and how you can change that for the better. This is within your power, it seems to me, and no one can take that away from you.

i.e. Don't cling to that one thing making you, supposedly, happy, but let go and focus on the process of growing as a human being. A benefit to yourself and others, expressed in small everyday steps. Perhaps a shift from what you can get out of life to what you can be or even what you can give.

 

[Misfit72]

What's the point in quitting drugs, studying, working out, eating well, if I won't ever be good enough anyways? I'll always be the ugly autistic creep. I'll never be loved or have a normal social life. There's no pill for autism, or a gym for my face. My acne and acne scars are so bad, my whole face looks red and disease ridden. And it'll never go away, I have been told by my dermatologist. My teeth are worse than a crackhead's because my parents never bothered to take me to a dentist. Now they're all fucked and I don't have the money to fix it. I have zero friends. People stare at me in public when they think I can't see they're looking. Really, what's the point? None of these things are within my control. "Self improvement" will never make me good enough.

This is the Recovery section. You need to post your message in Suicide Discussion - https://sanctioned-suicide.net/forums/suicide-discussion.2/

 

[Namensjemand]

I am new here but I would think also those recovering from suicidal intensions may want to voice their desperation.
That comment was uncalled for, IMO.

 

[Zegers]

I feel the same way, i spent a few years with self-improvement until the gym fucked my rib and i gave it up. I don't see the point when i have no life, i don't even have health, social life, support system, and people are not usually interested in me, i tend to be infantised or despised because i suffer a physical disability.

Regarding you, acne marks can be solved in an esthetic clinic and teeth, dental veneers are fine.

 

[CTB2023]

So you can live to see TND

 

[makebelieve]

i feel you with scarring, my face is full of them and I just feel like shit everytime I look in the mirror. Never began for me.

 

[cheese.out]

Im so sorry for you that you have to experience this. You deserve love like everyone else and i really hope that you find it.

@Namensjemand I really appreciate your explaination.

Always try to rage against your inner demons

 

[fettyboofer]

Im so sorry for you that you have to experience this. You deserve love like everyone else and i really hope that you find it.

@Namensjemand I really appreciate your explaination.

Always try to rage against your inner demons

Thanks

 

[MrShino]

I think that society has diverged significantly from what really matters, and that perhaps you will be better by gaining a new outlook on life. In the end, I don't think it's about who has the nicest face and all that, but about what we do with our lives for the sake of others. Our values, and what we give. Maybe, if you consider that people are brainwashed by a global society about this unreal concern about superficial looks and that you can do alot for others with your life, then it's worth it. Not saying it's easy, and I'm sorry you have to experience this, but I think it will make things easier. Eat healthy and work out for your health, and look around to see where you can provide help and value to people or animals that need it. In the end, it's about you and God anyway.

'For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.' 1 Sam 16:7.

Blessings.

 

[fettyboofer]

I think that society has diverged significantly from what really matters, and that perhaps you will be better by gaining a new outlook on life. In the end, I don't think it's about who has the nicest face and all that, but about what we do with our lives for the sake of others. Our values, and what we give. Maybe, if you consider that people are brainwashed by a global society about this unreal concern about superficial looks and that you can do alot for others with your life, then it's worth it. Not saying it's easy, and I'm sorry you have to experience this, but I think it will make things easier. Eat healthy and work out for your health, and look around to see where you can provide help and value to people or animals that need it. In the end, it's about you and God anyway.

'For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.' 1 Sam 16:7.

Blessings.

I know, and I'm inclined to agree. It's just hard when other people judge you for things that are out of my control, and that I myself don't put so much importance on.

 

[_Alfarooq_]

What's the point in quitting drugs, studying, working out, eating well, if I won't ever be good enough anyways? I'll always be the ugly autistic creep. I'll never be loved or have a normal social life. There's no pill for autism, or a gym for my face. My acne and acne scars are so bad, my whole face looks red and disease ridden. And it'll never go away, I have been told by my dermatologist. My teeth are worse than a crackhead's because my parents never bothered to take me to a dentist. Now they're all fucked and I don't have the money to fix it. I have zero friends. People stare at me in public when they think I can't see they're looking. Really, what's the point? None of these things are within my control. "Self improvement" will never make me good enough.

Don't try to make others happy. Just make yourself happy. No matter how hard you try, if you try to make everyone happy, there is always someone out there who will have problems with you. That's just a fact. So my only goal in this life is to do ONE thing- please myself. As long I can make myself happy, not in a way that will affect other people, then I don't give a f*ck about what other people think. No one is happy with me by the way.

 

[MrShino]

I know, and I'm inclined to agree. It's just hard when other people judge you for things that are out of my control, and that I myself don't put so much importance on.

I understand you. The feeling of judgement from others can be tough, but don't let it get to you. Maybe most of them are not really judging you either (that it is just an interpretation, we usually get quite self-conscious when it gets to such things). It's difficult to come to terms with things that plague us that are hard to change. Your problems sound fixable, although it may cost quite abit. Teeths are replaceable and acne scars may be possible to improve at least quite alot. If you manage to get the funds, I think you maybe can fix much of it.

Besides that, well. If you fous on helping others, you will have less time to worry about yourself. Maybe volunteer at something. There's people worse off than ourselves, and having a face one does not like is something many people manage to live good, meaningful and loving lives with. And many people (I'd say those who really should matter) wouldn't care about it at all. Also what's beautiful about animals and pets is that they don't really care about these things. They love you regardless. Perhaps helping out at an animal shelter or having some pets of ones own would be a way of experiencing love and communion without judgement? Just suggestions! I believe there's plenty of hope for a good life for you! :)

 

[fettyboofer]

Don't try to make others happy. Just make yourself happy. No matter how hard you try, if you try to make everyone happy, there is always someone out there who will have problems with you. That's just a fact. So my only goal in this life is to do ONE thing- please myself. As long I can make myself happy, not in a way that will affect other people, then I don't give a f*ck about what other people think. No one is happy with me by the way.

I can't make myself happy

 

[_Alfarooq_]

I can't make myself happy

SO does making other people happy make you happy as well?

 

[thx1138]

Hey, I don't know the answer to "What's the point", I don't think anyone does, but we're all here on this planet regardless. The only thing I want to say is please don't feel like you are less than just because of the way you look. We don't choose our appearance and that's not your fault. It's not your fault you have autism too. It may make life more challenging, but you are still a unique and wonderful person who deserves good things and love. You should be kind to yourself, show yourself the same love that you wish other people would show you. I also have no friends so I know it can be tough. But you are strong <3

 

[fettyboofer]

Hey, I don't know the answer to "What's the point", I don't think anyone does, but we're all here on this planet regardless. The only thing I want to say is please don't feel like you are less than just because of the way you look. We don't choose our appearance and that's not your fault. It's not your fault you have autism too. It may make life more challenging, but you are still a unique and wonderful person who deserves good things and love. You should be kind to yourself, show yourself the same love that you wish other people would show you. I also have no friends so I know it can be tough. But you are strong <3

Thanks. I don't want to be strong I just want it to be over

SO does making other people happy make you happy as well?

I don't know how to make other people happy. I get negative reactions when I try