i. i've always been a gambler --
thrown my heart around and chased head-first after it when no one and nothing bothered to catch it. bruises and blisters and calluses,
but it never stops, so i never stop.
ii. why do we dream? hazy illusions of
things we think we need and things we think we
want i want want want and it seems
to me to be the absence of desire which is more daunting than anything else.
iii. happiness is the sugar coating our teeth, eating months-old halloween candy abandoned at the back of the fridge.
what's next?
iv. everything smells like soap in this
little nest we've made for
ourselves. it's so much too much too soon. and it's almost as though the sun will never --
v. you whisper to me, and i whisper back. calculating words, cold and clinical
reassuring murmurs, an oil slick from my tongue. i think you believe them;
i wish i could believe myself too.
let me teach you how to be alone.
vi. do you ever terrify yourself?
late at night, with the moonlight at your back
and your thoughts laid bare
in front of you -- are you scared?
of the things you think you want and the things you think you need? and when life is the nightmare,
what is it you hope for?
vii. light it all on fire.
viii. and icarus could never tell anyone
just how sweet he found the fall; arms out- stretched, trying desperately to make it last.
death can't kill me but i pull the casket closed anyways. after all, i've always been a gambler.