Discussion What's the main driving force stopping you from departing?

[britter]

For me at least, it's lack of substance availability.

I won't say exactly where I am, but just defining the Oceania region should give you enough of a hint to clue you in to where I am.
I'm not sure whether it's due to regulations or what-not, but it's becoming almost impossible to find a reliable way to obtain SN, I've got everything else I need other than the driving ingredient.
All CN shops that do have stock of the right kind require a license to purchase which is very annoying. My country also completely restricted the sale of SN through all online marketplaces.
If anything, the restriction of it only makes me desire it more, which isn't a fantastic feeling.

What about you? Why haven't you CTB yet? (this isn't a call to action, only a question. do not do anything you're not ready for.)

 

[Versailles]

What about you? Why haven't you CTB yet?

I guess my mother and the hope of improving my quality of life hold me back, but I have no plans to reach a certain age

 

[pole]

living for my parents.

other than that, there's nothing to stay behind for and stop me from departing.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I don't feel bad enough. I'm not motivated. I need more time to wallow in regret and self pity.

 

[britter]

I guess my mother and the hope of improving my quality of life hold me back, but I have no plans to reach a certain age

I can absolutely relate to what you're saying,
I dislike it when people say this, but I feel like it's absolutely correct.
This feeling of looking forward into the future and hoping for improvement is a sign that you aren't ready to go yet, and that is absolutely fine.
CTB should be a decision of your own volition and you should never feel forced to leave, that is nothing other than murdering yourself.
I also completely relate to having no plans of reaching a certain age, which also means you are completely comfortable with the idea of departing, which is also fantastic.
I see my life as an extension, a bonus stage if you will. I am not afraid of leaving and will embrace it when it happens.
But I want you to know and want to re-iterate the fact that you should never force yourself against feelings of hopefulness or happiness, these feelings are NOT incorrect and you should not feel like it's wrong to be happy.
Once again, CTB should be a calm, collected and driven decision. Not a spontaneous middle finger to the world or the people around you.

 

[Versailles]

I can absolutely relate to what you're saying,
I dislike it when people say this, but I feel like it's absolutely correct.
This feeling of looking forward into the future and hoping for improvement is a sign that you aren't ready to go yet, and that is absolutely fine.
CTB should be a decision of your own volition and you should never feel forced to leave, that is nothing other than murdering yourself.
I also completely relate to having no plans of reaching a certain age, which also means you are completely comfortable with the idea of departing, which is also fantastic.
I see my life as an extension, a bonus stage if you will. I am not afraid of leaving and will embrace it when it happens.
But I want you to know and want to re-iterate the fact that you should never force yourself against feelings of hopefulness or happiness, these feelings are NOT incorrect and you should not feel like it's wrong to be happy.
Once again, CTB should be a calm, collected and driven decision. Not a spontaneous middle finger to the world or the people around you.

I see that we have very similar points of view

 

[Snake of Eden]

Spiritual powerlessness

 

[Seiba]

I don't have access to what I desire to leave with yet. I don't have a set plan either, and I'm typically a pretty lazy neet. There's a bit more to it with my reasons for possibly not leaving with a lot of haste but I doubt anyone is that interested.

 

[NotSureToEndure]

It's just keeping things open.. I don't like to commit to anything with absolute certainty (ironically that's probably why i'm always feeling lost in life )

 

[britter]

It's just keeping things open.. I don't like to commit to anything with absolute certainty (ironically that's probably why i'm always feeling lost in life )

Use those feelings to empower yourself, let your feelings of openness and decision-making drive your future.
I like to believe that absolute freedom is the warmest feeling in the world, knowing that you don't have to make any decision you don't want to and the fact that there are no wrong or right decisions.
I'm not an anarchist, but I also dislike conformity. I don't hate society or it's structure, but I do wish we were a little less restricted. It's these little feelings that allow me to do or say things I normally wouldn't even imagine myself doing.
It's knowing that in the end, nothing we do or say really matters in the overall structure of things, the people we meet and interact with will forget about us and the people we walk by won't even remember our face. Everyone is caught up in their own business and worries, which allows you to do what you wish and know that realistically, no stranger cares about you in the grand-scheme of things.
It's only recently that I've been able to just make decisions according to what I wish, and say things to people completely unfiltered but with rationality.
Knowing that only I have complete control over my life makes me feel more powerful than ever, that includes the decision to leave when I wish.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Procrasination. There are still some books I want to read, some games I want to play. Ultimately, my own fear keeps me here. I do not want to be reincarnated, and I've been reading up on how to avoid that. I'm scared.

 

[DobryDen]

I struggle with fear of what happens after I die....

 

[tieiwi]

I'm afraid of what happens or doesn't happen after death….it's like that nervousness before the jump.

 

[DobryDen]

I'm afraid of what happens or doesn't happen after death….it's like that nervousness before the jump.

Yeah, me too.

 

[empty]

There's several things, the main thing being the part of me that wants to keep going with life. Other reasons I'm still here are my family and lack of access to my preferred method.

 

[catdaddy2601]

I think I want to give life one last shot just to know I tried... But having my 'package' and 'method' as a backup plan gives me peace of mind. To be honest, this website has helped me a lot, even though I don't know anyone personally here, now I'm in a better place with my mental health I feel more confident about returning to work this month after my last breakdown BUT I also don't want to feel powerless and no way out if I get to that stage where I want to ctb again... It's a weird one ... Living with BPD, PTSD plus Anxiety and Depression is fucking hard man... And plus I'm an Aquarius aswell

 

[absoluteanimal1]

My parents, my little sister, and my dogs

 

[LONE WOLF.]

My Doggy who's not well and needs me more than he ever has, and l promised him when l adopted him that l would always be there for him, and well l can't break a promise can l. Of course this does mean the clock is ticking for me as well! Unless l decide to take on on another 3/4 year old dog, l'm undecided at this time!

 

[Donk]

guilt of hurting my loved ones and general fear of going into the void.

 

[Silenos]

Bucket list / Farewell tour. I'd like to think I'm about halfway.

 

[samsaragothands]

i was putting off ctb for the longest time because i was willfully isolating myself from the pressures of social life and had moved to a completely new place so it was kind of easy to construct an imagined reality for myself. but it's very much temporary and whenever i do brush with old friends, it's mortifying and very quickly breaks that shield ive created for myself. i think eventually i won't be able to protect myself anymore since running away isn't real life and will end up feeling cornered into ctb.

 

[fatefulstillness]

I want to feel alive before I take my life. I experienced abuse from mental health professionals when I was very young, I lost more than a decade of my life. It's been hell to try to get out of that hole, to be something more than a fragment. I understand I can't undo the damage, but I want to believe I can still do a few good things for myself before it's time to go.

 

[Blue_mist]

Fear of physical pain

 

[StringPuppet]

My mom. That's literally it.

 

[Mr2005]

Can't play SNES dead

 

[can_ash_be_redeemed]

There are too many people who would feel responsible for not saving me. Not enough to meaningfully check in on me or to support me, but enough that they would feel regret forever. I know what that kind of regret feels like. I would need to safely drop off the map first. Get a job on a ship, check in twice a year or so for a few years with different friends and relatives, and then finally make my exit.

 

[Pen>Sword]

It's my family. I love them so much. But sometimes I'm at my wit's ends because I can't handle my anxiety and regrets. I'm not surprise if I die by suicide this year (2022) because there's a astronomical chance that I'll fail nursing school.

I have my SN, but still haven't done my research properly. I don't have my antiemetic though, I doubt I'll ever have one. If I don't have a loving family, I would've died by suicide last year.

 

[Adamsnolife]

The SI

 

[Thankyoufortoday]

Guilt. I'm so close with my family. Plus I know my bf would never forgive himself

 

[ClownMe]

Probably my dog, there's not really anything else for me to live for, life sucks.