What’s the first thing you think of when you wake up?

[WitheringAway]

It hurts to be alive. I'm tired of the disappointment that I'm still alive every time I wake up. The past days have been extremely hard to deal with. Things happened that I just don't wanna deal with or think about. I just wanna hide under my blanket and slip into death. I don't have SN. Paranoid about hanging. And no reliable drug to overdose on. I don't have a single person in my life who would actually care and be there for me. Extremely lonely and bitter. Fake friends and toxic family. No one in my life I really love or care about. If they all die tomorrow I wouldn't have a single care about it. I'm all alone facing the atrocities of life. I'm no use for anyone. I'm a robot that's stuck in a void and goes to work eats and sleeps. Nothing of significance going on. I missed so much of my life and there's no use for me to pick up the pieces. I feel like the more I get depressed the more I become robotic. Except I'm becoming a stupid robot that's good at nothing. Pathetic existence. Even my cat is falling into depression because of me.

 

[FuneralCry]

When I wake up, I always think about how disappointed I am that I did not die in my sleep, and that I am still here and I have to endure another day of existing. I hate waking up, and I am tired of suffering. I understand not having a reliable way to exit. That is what keeps me here in this world. If it is easier to leave, I would already be gone. I wish that dying is as easy as just choosing to never wake again.

 

[abyss]

Always about specific women and my failures generally. I feel sick and ashamed whenever I wake up and then a haze of cope sets in to get me through the day.

 

[lessonlearned]

im disappointed when i wake up too. as soon as i wake up im depressed and wanting to ctb and the cycle repeats everyday

 

[hungry_ghost]

Eh, truthfully? Food.

Eating is the only dopamine fix I have.

 

[Burner1234]

"Damn it....nnooooo. What's the point?"

 

[outatime_85]

I have too many things I think about for me to just pick out one thing that I meditate on first.

I meditate on a lot of things in my life; how unlovable I am, how long I have lived in solitude with little to no personal interactions.

I also meditate on how long one can continue without having close social relationships; how does one deal with the possibility of long-term solitude creating emotional coldness, detachment, and apathy?

 

[ConstantPain]

Pain. Every morning I wake up feeling pain first and foremost. Then it's ugh, I'm still here. Then it's shit, what day is it? If it's Monday through Friday then it's ugh, when is my first meeting? I need a cigarette or 2 and a cold, non-alcoholic drink first, followed by lots of coffee.

If it's the weekend or a day off it's yay, I'm going back to sleep!

 

[WhatPowerIs]

"I can sleep a few more hours."
Then after,
"Okay now I need to do stuff."

 

[PrisonBreak]

I think and wonder whether today is "the day". Other than that, I just think of the first meal of the day.

 

[Sakura94]

Complete mental anguish (some physical) I sleep as long as I can until it's tolerable enough to get up.

 

[Coffeebean77]

I think about (1) my ex, who recently dumped me and broke my heart, and (2) the fact that I'm planning to ctb in about 2 weeks, so I won't have to reach my birthday.

 

[Deleted member 847]

"I can sleep a few more hours."
Then after,
"Okay now I need to do stuff."

I can relate to that.

I feel like a mouse in a maze,
constantly looking for cheese (peace of mind, satisfaction)

Sleep is when you actually get the cheese,
but the moment you wake up they take it away from you,
and you must chase it again

 

[Passersby]

I can't really think too much even though i do overthink it because I have become more dumbed down. I suffer physically and mentally and don't know how to even push through one more day but then I get up and exist somehow. I really don't know how to keep it going long term. I wish I could get lucky and die in my sleep but I know that won't happen for me so the fucking cycle continues. I have no idea how I have done this for so long now and I don't want to work on anything anymore. It is truly miserable.

 

[brainpain2]

Whatever weirdness I dreamt of and then FUCK it was just a dream and I'm still alive haha

 

[Iamchickenhat]

On February 1st my mom convinced me I would feel all better and come out of deep mourning of my dear best dog ever's passing in the previous October. My new dog is 2yo. I love her and she's a good girl, but as soon as I wake up I think damn. I've gotta get up and take this dog out and unless I can get someone to take her, I can't leave for another 10 years. And then I get up and take her out and am depressed for the rest of the day bc my dogs have all lived to be 12. It is a never ending cycle of walking the dog before 6am every day.

sleep is my only relief.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I can relate to that.

I feel like a mouse in a maze,
constantly looking for cheese (peace of mind, satisfaction)

Sleep is when you actually get the cheese,
but the moment you wake up they take it away from you,
and you must chase it again

View attachment 96323

Is it any wonder people call life a "rat race"?

 

[akana]

I don't get breathing space to think due to misophonia

 

[Shivali]

Me when I wake up

 

[Zegers]

The morning is the worst time of day for me, i usually try not to think, just jump in the shower and then lie in bed scrolling at phone and then thinking how my social life is non-existent which leads to depression and anxiety, then i swallow benzos to numb it for a while.

 

[PleaseTakeMeAway]

my ex :(

 

[again_noidea]

Always about specific women and my failures generally. I feel sick and ashamed whenever I wake up and then a haze of cope sets in to get me through the day.

the same goes for me. i wonder: how long can this go on, where is the point where i finally get up, take my pills, drive into the woods and hang myself. it feels as if i hardly have any control about whats happening. i don't want to think about that women anymore.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

"This day has been far too long"

Even after just awakening, can't even pass away in my sleep..

 

[ihatemylifee]

Death

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

These days all I think when I wake up is

"why is my heartbeat so damn loud? Make it stop! Why did I have to fall for someone without knowing whether or not she actually reciprocates? What if she actually does and I've messed up because I don't know the proper thing to say? I'd rather she just not ever have liked me at all. Why is this the fucking first thing I always wake up to nowadays? All just to satisfy some selfish disgusting instinct. Why does my bed still feel so empty even with my fat ass lying in it? God I need to pee but I don't want to move. I hate being alive and will somebody please shut off that damn heartbeat noise?!? I just want it to cease bouncing around my rib age like some whimsical pinball."

Paraphrasing more or less, but these are just some of the many thoughts that go through my head the instant I've woken up this past week.

 

[Rocinante]

First instinct is to read messages

 

[Disappointered]

I usually remember a past humiliation/failure (there are many) so every day starts with the reaffirmation of misery and the fact that I already lost the game of life long ago.

 

[TheShadowKing]

My tummy hurt

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Uugh. I hate being me and I hate this life

 

[Forever Sleep]

Nooooooooooo! Not again.