What's the difference between SI and actually wanting to be alive?

[sundress]

I can't seem to tell

I can't seem to tell what's rational hope and what's just irrational SI. I have those rare moments where I think I'd like to live so that I can see some things play out, but rationally, I know that I will be miserable even then and that it probably won't be worth it.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I can't seem to tell

SI describes our unconscious mind. Wanting to be alive is more of a conscious mind consideration.

 

[FuneralCry]

The survival instinct is an irrational instinct seperate from logical thought. Like one can truly wish to die yet have the survival instinct interfere in their attempt because as humans we are simply programmed to survive, it's how we've evolved, I believe if one actually wishes to exist they will know it.

 

[4g1vvvven]

Survival instincts seems to be a bit of a catchall term.

Having low pain tolerance wouldn't make you less suicidal but it would make it harder to commit suicide if the method was painful.

Survival instincts doesn't seem to refer to just pain thresholds though, you might be scared of heights or unable to throw yourself from a height because of nerves and uncertainty, this doesn't mean you want to live, just that you'd struggle to jump.

 

[FutureHanger]

SI is if you get it during an attempt or when imagining/thinking of death you feel weird despite making the conscious decision of wanting to die.

 

[Major Tom]

I have difficulties knowing if i want ctb or not. Logically i don't want to move on because i do not care for others or anything. But through mood shifts, i get more or less suicidal.
The two extremes are being:
depressed, calm or even happy to ctb,
and the other is doubting me, my suicidal plans and intent.

Can this be SI or something else?

 

[SVEN]

SI stops me doing what I want, and killing myself. Wanting to be alive would remove the desire to kill myself.

 

[InAgony]

When you desperately want to kill yourself but you can't, for me that's SI. When you're not sure you want to kill yourself is when you want to be alive, even if for some small reason.

 

[sundress]

I'm still lost. I can't tell the difference between legitimate hope and the delusional kind

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I'm still lost. I can't tell the difference between legitimate hope and the delusional kind

If a doctor sat you down and told you that you only have a month to live, how upset/disappointed would you be that your life will be coming to an end very soon? That's wanting to be alive.

If that same doctor, took out a knife and started chasing you around the hospital trying to murder you... how hard would you fight to stay alive and not be brutally murdered? This is SI.

That's the clearest distinction I could think up.

 

[FutureHanger]

I have difficulties knowing if i want ctb or not. Logically i don't want to move on because i do not care for others or anything. But through mood shifts, i get more or less suicidal.
The two extremes are being:
depressed, calm or even happy to ctb,
and the other is doubting me, my suicidal plans and intent.

Can this be SI or something else?

Then you're just experiencing on and off ideation. Most people here were or are at this stage before getting on this site. Most suicidal people in general are like this, not everyone is like FuneralCry wanting to CTB 24/7, only you can decide if you wanna take this as a sign you're not ready to CTB yet or if you'll still try CTB anyways though I'd get doubts and still wouldn't let them change my mind.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

If a doctor sat you down and told you that you only have a month to live, how upset/disappointed would you be that your life will be coming to an end very soon? That's wanting to be alive.

If that same doctor, took out a knife and started chasing you around the hospital trying to murder you... how hard would you fight to stay alive and not be brutally murdered? This is SI.

That's the clearest distinction I could think up.

Great analogy.

 

[Major Tom]

If a doctor sat you down and told you that you only have a month to live, how upset/disappointed would you be that your life will be coming to an end very soon? That's wanting to be alive.

If that same doctor, took out a knife and started chasing you around the hospital trying to murder you... how hard would you fight to stay alive and not be brutally murdered? This is SI.

That's the clearest distinction I could think up.

I would be the happiest person in the world, knowing my certain demise.

And in the second case, i would throw myself on the doctor and let him evicerate me as brutally as possible.

Would prefer it over CTB.

Does someone comprehend this passiv suicidal urge and loss of control?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think SI is a knee jerk fear response to a situation we know is dangerous. Kind of like when you touch something hot and your reflexes make you let go of it before you've even registered that 'ow- that's hot!' That's what I think of as SI anyway.

If it's more of a controlled debate going on in your head- I'm scared to CTB in case I fail and end up in a worse state. I'm scared of the pain I might feel. I'm scared of the unknown element after death- I'd say those were rational thoughts.

As a metaphor- I'd say someone about to take a sky dive could well be feeling nervous as they put on all the gear. They could well be thinking- I'm really scared about this- what if something goes wrong? What if the parachute fails? But, this is something I really want to do. I'd say- that's still fear but, it's rational fear. I'd say SI would be when the door opens, they're standing on the edge and just about to leap out and they just freeze and go- 'f*cking hell- I can't do this!' I imagine SI to be like a mental and physical block rather than something that's thought about.