Discussion What’s the appropiate response?

[XYZ]

I am just curious what you guys think it's the appropiate response when someone writes disrespectful comments in the forum. Here's two examples from different threads:

"you are a retard"

"f y"

I am wondering what you usually do when you see this type of comments and what you think is the best way to deal with them. Is it best to:

a) not engage at all

b) report it to the mods

c) react with an angry emoji

d) say something to show that such language is not acceptable

e) ?

Thus far I have either used an angry emoji or written a reply, but now I am starting to lean more towards reporting. Where do you stand?

 

[Good4Nothing]

Unless it's directed at me, I just mind my own business.
Even when it is directed at me I usually just ignore it.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I always report it. Things like that aren't acceptable on a suicide site. It's understandable that people have bad days but they could hurt others with the things they say even if they don't mean to. And when I report it, I'm concerned how the other person is going to take it and how close to the edge they are before even reading it.

 

[Mm80]

I always report it. Things like that aren't acceptable on a suicide site. It's understandable that people have bad days but they could hurt others with the things they say even if they don't mean to. And when I report it, I'm concerned how the other person is going to take it and how close to the edge they are before even reading it.

For me it depends on the context and if you kinda know the person.
I would say that though as im always clowning around.
If you felt that the intention behind it was negative, i dont think you should put up with it. Its not helpful to be deliberately nasty when folk on here can be so fragile.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

For me it depends on the context and if you kinda know the person.
I would say that though as im always clowning around.
If you felt that the intention behind it was negative, i dont think you should put up with it. Its not helpful to be deliberately nasty when folk on here can be so fragile.

f y

 

[Life_and_Death]

For me it depends on the context and if you kinda know the person.
I would say that though as im always clowning around.
If you felt that the intention behind it was negative, i dont think you should put up with it. Its not helpful to be deliberately nasty when folk on here can be so fragile.

exactly if its obvious its in a joking manner i leave it. if im not 100% sure but i feel its something that should be looked at then thats what i report. if its an obvious why did you say that then i just report it

 

[Mm80]

f y

That really hurt WTD as i love you, although im not in love with you, if you know what i mean ?

 

[BPD Barbie]

Kill em with kindness. I either respond with something nice or don't respond at all. I think responding with similar comments or hate just fuels them as they see they're getting a rise out of you and you are also lowering yourself to their level. But as others have said, depends on the person. If someone I know pretty well made comments in a joking fashion, I wouldn't be offended and would give back as good as I got, but a stranger who doesn't know me or knows me just a little, I would not respond or respond with kindness.

 

[AvaAdore]

Probably D let them know it wasn't acceptable

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Sometimes I report it to the mods with one word: attacking.

Sometimes I do a wow react, but I've backed off from that because it's just giving attention, which is what they want.

Sometimes I say something, but I've backed off from that for the same reason. Also, the person is aware of what they're doing, and when they're acting out with aggression, they rarely back off but instead defend the behavior and/or do it even more. Some folks when they do it are intentionally trying to get banned, I'm always happy when their efforts are rewarded.

 

[Deleted member 4993]

B ) Report it to the Mods, let them decide the course of action

 

[omoidarui]

Sometimes a, always b, never c or d (virtue signalling is cringy sorry, just let the mods ban them.)

 

[Despondent]

It really depends on the context and how a member directs it at another member.

I wouldn't react to what they've said in a comment or post because that's still engaging (like, wow, angry). If it's something small, I would just ignore it. Maybe they're having a rough day and no, this doesn't excuse how they're being but if you're someone who engages in these kinds of things then you can look at it that way.

If they're being, "vicious," then you should report it. No need to engage or respond. Always be kind and classy.

 

[ForcedLifeResistant]

I haven't yet encountered it. I don't think it's good practice on this particular site, though I have hang-ups about doing anything to restrict the speech of anyone who isn't explicitly threatening someone or actively attempting to incite any form of violence. I'm pro free expression out to some pretty far-flung extremes.

In cases in which the language in your examples is used, I'd likely lean toward simply ignoring it. That said, context can make a difference, as others have said.

 

[nerve]

If it's a slur of some kind, then I think that warrants a report. If someone's being mean or cursing at you, that's not breaking a rule, that's just being an asshole and it's usually not worth engaging with.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I am just curious what you guys think it's the appropiate response when someone writes disrespectful comments in the forum. Here's two examples from different threads:

"you are a retard"

"f y"

I am wondering what you usually do when you see this type of comments and what you think is the best way to deal with them. Is it best to:

a) not engage at all

b) report it to the mods

c) react with an angry emoji

d) say something to show that such language is not acceptable

e) ?

Thus far I have either used an angry emoji or written a reply, but now I am starting to lean more towards reporting. Where do you stand?

If it was a personal thing, ie. in a private conversation, then you do whatever you wish, it's private.
But on open forum, anything that is insulting, derogatory or likely to cause a flame war is contrary to the rules of the forum.

Most people have an impulse to engage, either with a comment or an angry emote. Personally, I think that's fine, and that an expression of respectful disagreement is appropriate in the first instance.
However, I believe that taking part in an argument that escalates into a shitshow is not respectful to members and helps no one.

The report button is there for a reason and the mods work hard to moderate troublesome threads about difficult subject matters; to allow respectful discourse and argument, but nip it in the bud when it becomes offensive and breaks the site rules.

My personal attitude is:

a) Possibly say something to say behaviour is not acceptable, but in a respectful way. I'll not resort to personal attacks or anything I feel will escalate a situation. I can accept that sometimes people can get angry and offended in a discussion when no offence may have been intended.
b) If the situation continues, I will stop engaging when it's clear that will only make matters worse.
c) If I feel the rules have been broken or the thread has turned into a flame war, then I hit report. Let the mods sort it out one way or another, it's why they are there.

But comments like FU or UR a retard...nah, anyone that goes there just gets reported. That's a no brainer.

 

[XYZ]

Thank you all for your insights and for taking the time to answer my question. I agree with you that context is very important and that I should be careful to not add more fuel to the fire.

 

[Mm80]

Thank you all for your insights and for taking the time to answer my question. I agree with you that context is very important and that I should be careful to not add more fuel to the fire.

So are you going to apologise then?

 

[XYZ]

So are you going to apologise then?

Please tell me which post you mean. Of course I will apologize if I said something wrong. God knows I've made so many times mistakes in my life so far... I'm sure I make half a dozen here every day...

 

[Mm80]

Please tell me which post you mean. Of course I will apologize if I said something wrong. God knows I've made so many times mistakes in my life so far... I'm sure I make half a dozen here every day...

Aww xyz im only being silly. I dont think ive seen you say anything wrong on here.
I thought youd know by now not to take a word i say seriously lol.
Ps tell your uncle mm80 whonis picking on you and ill tell them off x

 

[XYZ]

Aww xyz im only being silly. I dont think ive seen you say anything wrong on here.
I thought youd know by now not to take a word i say seriously lol.
Ps tell your uncle mm80 whonis picking on you and ill tell them off x

Oh, I get it now!

The op was actually not prompted by something that happened to me, but by behaviours I observed on the forum. Twice in as many days I noticed insulting comments, and I was curious how other members viewed this issue. I am still finding my footing here.

Anyways, thank you for offering to fight in my name. Very chivarlesque of ye, sir Lancelot

 

[Mm80]

Oh, I get it now!

The op was actually not prompted by something that happened to me, but by behaviours I observed on the forum. Twice in as many days I noticed insulting comments, and I was curious how other members viewed this issue. I am still finding my footing here.

Anyways, thank you for offering to fight in my name. Very chivarlesque of ye, sir Lancelot

....just call me UVW. There by your side lol.
Reading it may not tell the full picture as there is sometimes an injoke between two members who kinda know each other and are comfy messing around like that. For instance i only put that comment about apologising because i knew it was you and i know that we have had a few laughs in the recent past.
If it was someone new and they seemed fragile id be more careful.
Rest assured if 99 percent of members saw someone being picked on or disrespected like that we wouldnt stand for it and mods would sort it out swiftly.