I had this question in mind when I asked myself why people are not compassionate enough towards suffering people. But then I had the thought in mind I probably was not very empathtic towards them before it hit me.
I think I have made a lot of progress as a human. For example on ethics, principles and some opinions. I think my suffering made me more compassionate. The whole thing hit me when I was pretty young, My first mixed-manic depressive epsiode and suicidal thoughts started when I was 15. I was in many instances very naive and short-sighted. But probably a lot of teenagers go through messed up development periods. Shit one thinks and does. I think on some issues I was a complete jerk. However the way I was raised was extremely detrimental. The domestic abuse at home and the bullying at school caused a lot of damage. My world view on humans became kind of misanthropical. If I had to put it into terms I had the notion the world is like survival of the fittest. I even had the distorted belief the abuse had made me stronger and more numb towards pain. The complete opposite is true. I am a vulnerable mental wreck who collapses when there is too much stress. For example on the topic welfare I was not very empathetic. Now I will need it but I am angry at politicians who do not want to increase it.
I was a conservative as a teenager now I am a lefty. Furthermore I am glad I am now way more self-aware about my pathologies than in the past.
My teenager me would probably look down at my current me and find me pathetic. I think this is not fully true. My stance on suicide also changed. As a teenager I thought if something bad happens I kill myself instantly. I was very naive and imagined it way easier than it actually is. Now I rather see suicide as the last resort. Though I still see no way around that.
I think there are several different impacts a life like mine can have. Someone who suffers a lot on a daily basis. It probably makes me kind of resentful, envious, frustrated, self-absorbed etc. But at the same time I have learned how tough life really can be. When I feel less bad I am humble for what I have and really see some things as a privilege. You often only realize how much something means to you when it is gone.
I realized how much pain and injustice there really is on this planet. When I was a teenager I thought I might need to procreate so that my children can succeed and fulfil the goals which I could not reach. Hell was this idea stupid. I think this idea was the reason why my mom abused me. She always dreamed about a materially well-off life and projected her goals at her children. I think this notion is not that seldom when parents raise their kids. But damn it is a good instruction to create very unhappy individuals.
I think my life is completely ruined and i don't see a way out of it. My mom recently had a stroke and this made me quite anxious because alone I am not able to manage my problems. I am not made for this world. I think this incident with my mom might has shown me that I am ready to kill myself when she dies. My life quality is already very bad. And I think it would break the hearts of my parents to see me committing suicide. I imagined how to behave in case my mom is close to death. I think I would try to comfort her. She ruined my life completely. She had good intentions but her means were horrendous. She was physically abused by her grandparents. So this tradition was kind of inherited. I think if she really dies I don't see a reason why not committing suicide. The person who I would hurt the most would be dead then. I think I would interpret it as sign of a higher power to end it. However rationally I know something like that probably does not exist. In case she gets another stroke which is not unlikely I try to to comfort her. I try to give her hope that her kids won't suffer extreme hardship because of her. I think this good deed would give me a good feeling when I commit suicide. The fact I acted in such a mature and morally right manner would give me the right to be selfish and kill myself.
I don't know whether such a line of thought is really healthy or good. I don't know without her help I could not manage my struggle anyway. Why not doing something morally good at the end of my life?
Sorry @Un- who commented I moved the thread to suicide discussion because it fits more the topic.
I think I have made a lot of progress as a human. For example on ethics, principles and some opinions. I think my suffering made me more compassionate. The whole thing hit me when I was pretty young, My first mixed-manic depressive epsiode and suicidal thoughts started when I was 15. I was in many instances very naive and short-sighted. But probably a lot of teenagers go through messed up development periods. Shit one thinks and does. I think on some issues I was a complete jerk. However the way I was raised was extremely detrimental. The domestic abuse at home and the bullying at school caused a lot of damage. My world view on humans became kind of misanthropical. If I had to put it into terms I had the notion the world is like survival of the fittest. I even had the distorted belief the abuse had made me stronger and more numb towards pain. The complete opposite is true. I am a vulnerable mental wreck who collapses when there is too much stress. For example on the topic welfare I was not very empathetic. Now I will need it but I am angry at politicians who do not want to increase it.
I was a conservative as a teenager now I am a lefty. Furthermore I am glad I am now way more self-aware about my pathologies than in the past.
My teenager me would probably look down at my current me and find me pathetic. I think this is not fully true. My stance on suicide also changed. As a teenager I thought if something bad happens I kill myself instantly. I was very naive and imagined it way easier than it actually is. Now I rather see suicide as the last resort. Though I still see no way around that.
I think there are several different impacts a life like mine can have. Someone who suffers a lot on a daily basis. It probably makes me kind of resentful, envious, frustrated, self-absorbed etc. But at the same time I have learned how tough life really can be. When I feel less bad I am humble for what I have and really see some things as a privilege. You often only realize how much something means to you when it is gone.
I realized how much pain and injustice there really is on this planet. When I was a teenager I thought I might need to procreate so that my children can succeed and fulfil the goals which I could not reach. Hell was this idea stupid. I think this idea was the reason why my mom abused me. She always dreamed about a materially well-off life and projected her goals at her children. I think this notion is not that seldom when parents raise their kids. But damn it is a good instruction to create very unhappy individuals.
I think my life is completely ruined and i don't see a way out of it. My mom recently had a stroke and this made me quite anxious because alone I am not able to manage my problems. I am not made for this world. I think this incident with my mom might has shown me that I am ready to kill myself when she dies. My life quality is already very bad. And I think it would break the hearts of my parents to see me committing suicide. I imagined how to behave in case my mom is close to death. I think I would try to comfort her. She ruined my life completely. She had good intentions but her means were horrendous. She was physically abused by her grandparents. So this tradition was kind of inherited. I think if she really dies I don't see a reason why not committing suicide. The person who I would hurt the most would be dead then. I think I would interpret it as sign of a higher power to end it. However rationally I know something like that probably does not exist. In case she gets another stroke which is not unlikely I try to to comfort her. I try to give her hope that her kids won't suffer extreme hardship because of her. I think this good deed would give me a good feeling when I commit suicide. The fact I acted in such a mature and morally right manner would give me the right to be selfish and kill myself.
I don't know whether such a line of thought is really healthy or good. I don't know without her help I could not manage my struggle anyway. Why not doing something morally good at the end of my life?
Sorry @Un- who commented I moved the thread to suicide discussion because it fits more the topic.
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