Venting What would you do?

[rec]

Hello, my sister came to visit today.

We were talking about mental health related stuff for some reason and I said that people with permanent mental health issues are 'probably better off dead', as they will be suffering for life. She asked if my view applies to her too, if she committed suicide, and I said 'I would understand'. She left. Did I say something really bad? Why was she offended?

She's never had 'severe' issues. I was a little under the influence and my pro-choice side came out a bit more than usual. I wouldn't stop her from committing suicide if it was the right choice. You understand, right? Did it just come off the wrong way? Even if the person was my sister, I wouldn't suddenly become a pro-lifer/anti-choice just because it was my sister. I like my views to stay consistent. Is there a better way to word things? Should I just pretend to be an anti-choicer when around others?

Should I lie and say I didn't mean it? Sorry I'm confused. If she's better off dead, I'd support her decision. What would you do?

 

[Julgran]

These kinds of subjects can be sensitive, and your sister doesn't seem to have been prepared for your answer.

You might want to explain to her that you wish her no harm - only that if she ever would make the decision to end her own life - you would greive her death, but you would also understand that she would do it to end her suffering.

 

[rec]

These kinds of subjects can be sensitive, and your sister doesn't seem to have been prepared for your answer.

You might want to explain to her that you wish her no harm - only that if she ever would make the decision to end her own life - you would greive her death, but you would also understand that she would do it to end her suffering.

Ah, true! You're really good at explaining things. Thanks. That makes sense now. She might have taken it as me supporting her death. You're right! Thank you so much. I will try to explain to her now. I'm not as good with words as you are haha.

I'd understand but I would grieve. You're right. Thank you so much ! Sorry about that.

 

[Rayzieka]

For your sister's sake if I were you I would lie.
In her eyes, she probably interpreted that as an 'i don't care about you enough to stop you'.
Even though you meant you care about her so much you wouldn't subject her to torture for your sake.
But most people definitely do not see it this way. It's difficult to have different views than most of our society.
It's almost as controversial as bringing up politics and religion. Sorry she walked out on you like that, I wish I could say she would think about it and understand.
But I don't know her or if that's likely.

If you want to calm her down and make her forget you said that you may want to lie and say you weren't thinking about it clearly and that you would do anything to stop her from leaving.

It's very frustrating most people don't see it as most of us do. So it's better not to argue, that's how I get through it when someone says something I don't agree with.

 

[Dot]

Ur sistr mght hve thght tht u thnk sh = bttr off ded or tht u dnt cre if sh ctb.

 

[Crazy4u]

Should you have lied? YES. IMO, suicidal people shouldn't speak out loudly about suicide in person. You don't have to act like a prolifer, but don't be vocal about human right to die. I suggest not talking about suicide at all unless you are talking to a good therapist and you want help.

 

[rottenteeth]

I would just speak to her honestly about it. Well, that depends on her age and mental maturity actually. Is she someone who could understand your point without making it personal?

 

[summers]

@sunny you should have said that if she committed suicide, you would kill yourself too because you love her so much and couldn't stand life without her. Even if this weren't true, you would have made her feel very special.

I actually had a very similar conversation the other day. I said how I need to make sure I have a will so that "if something happens to me " the person I love the most in this world will get everything (I don't want anyone in my family to get a dime). She said she needs to do the same for me. I told her don't worry about it, because if something happens to her, I'll be dead that same day. For me, this is true, and she knows I'm not kidding.

 

[Hirokami]

Pro-choice views aren't exactly commonplace. Hell, merely being understanding of suicidal thoughts is considered taboo to an extent. We're all supposed to just guilt trip people into living and offer platitudes.

So, being understanding of someone wanting to end their lives can be interpreted as apathy rather than empathy as it goes against the status quo.

Theoretically, it would be easier to just offer her the expected responses ("you matter", "think about who would miss you", and so on).

However, in the long run, it would be more productive to elaborate on your perspective. It's not about being indifferent to a loved one committing suicide. Rather, it's about wanting loved ones to find happiness in whichever way they see fit. It's about not wanting those we care about to suffer anymore. Of course, an end to suffering doesn't necessarily have to mean suicide, but it is an option if the burden is too great and they've exhausted all their options to improve their lives. Though, this really does depend on your sister's open-mindedness to such a radical perspective. Pro-choice views are a rather tough sell in a pro-life society.

 

[greyautumnsky]

I wonder why people ask questions they don't want honest answers too. Or why they walk out without hearing full explanations. Or without asking questions for clarification. That baffles me.

Her answer was even bait it seems like.

I would ask her those things first. And what her opinion was on the subject to engage in dialog once she's calmed down.