Help What would you classify this Behavior as?

[RedPanda]

Hi, so i'm not entirely sure what's wrong with me or why i do this. Maybe someone here can share light on my behavior, maybe i'm answering my own question.

Basically i'm extremely secretive with my father and even my friends. I don't share any information with my father. I don't tell him what i'm doing, how much money i have, what achievements or progress I've made in life. I hate when he talks to anyone about me, even if he is praising me, it actually makes me super depressed. I don't tell him where i'm going if i plan a trip, i don't tell him what I buy. Even if i'm gyming in my room, i'll stop immediately so he doesn't see me gym. If he finds out that i buy something and he's curious i'll just tell him not to worry. I also never let my friends know what i'm doing. I block all of them on social media (friends and family) i rather remain a ghost/unknown to all of them. I basically don't want anyone close to me to know anything about me...it's odd. I'm not even shy...just shut off.

I struggle with this and don't know what this type of behavior is. I'm extremely open with strangers and I will gladly share any information with them. I'll tell them what i do, where i go etc but with close friends/family i'm extremely shut off. I also prefer talking to strangers and making temporary connections with other human-beings that i will never see again.

 

[JimFord99]

A question of trust, maybe? It is easier to trust strangers than friends and relatives.

 

[Prideathwish]

I wish I had that . Strangers won't hurt you

 

[RedPanda]

A question of trust, maybe? It is easier to trust strangers than friends and relatives.

Hmmm, i'm not sure if it's trust. I don't have trust issues, i'm just really shut off with family/friends. Something is really fvcked up in my brain. It seems really odd and I've been like this for years. I'm even at the point where i purposely want to be viewed as the ultimate failure to my friends and family.

 

[JimFord99]

Hmmm, i'm not sure if it's trust. I don't have trust issues, i'm just really shut off with family/friends. Something is really fvcked up in my brain. It seems really odd and I've been like this for years. I'm even at the point where i purposely want to be viewed as the ultimate failure to my friends and family.

Guilt, maybe?

 

[hadenough]

Have you always preferred to do things on your own rather than with others? Do you find making small talk difficult? Do you have solo interests? Would you consider yourself a moral person?

 

[RedPanda]

Guilt, maybe?

No guilt, no trust issues, none of that. I'm just shut off. I'm an only child and I've always been alone and had to entertain myself. Maybe this has somehow influenced my behavior.

 

[JimFord99]

Odd is that you are okay with strangers. So it is not a social disorder either.

 

[RedPanda]

Have you always preferred to do things on your own rather than with others? Do you find making small talk difficult? Do you have solo interests? Would you consider yourself a moral person?

Yes 100% i ALWAYS love to do everything on my own. I've been riding solo for years and prefer to go everywhere on my own, its more freeing and enjoyable. I can make small talk with anyone, i'm actually a very chatty person and love to talk to strangers and make temporary friends. I have a lot of solo interests, travel being the main one is something i prefer to always do solo. I'm somewhat moral, i know what is right and wrong but don't always do the right things in life. I participate in both legal and illegal activities.

 

[hadenough]

I was wondering if you have high functioning autism. You can take online tests that should confirm or deny this.

 

[RedPanda]

I was wondering if you have high functioning autism. You can take online tests that should confirm or deny this.

Hmm, you never know, i'll take a test, will try to google and find one.
Hmmm, according to this online test i'm not autistic.


Also to add, i feel like being secretive has truly become a part of me. I just feel like what i do, where i go doesn't really matter that much to family and friends, they shouldn't even care about what i'm doing, why does it matter? If you're stranger i'll gladly talk about myself.

 

[Juicebox]

Something might've happened that you don't remember. I was this way with family for a long time, no matter how supportive they were, but I also had (and still have) large gaps in memory from childhood

One day I took a certain drug and all the memories came back, and I remembered why I didn't like talking to any of them. Most of the memories faded as soon as the drug wore off, but I "remember remembering them" if that makes any sense, and they weren't good

 

[hadenough]

Is it a possible attachment disorder then?

 

[WhyWasIBorn]

I feel the same. For me it's disassociating from everyone and it turns into a habit.