What will you be most glad to have left behind or miss the least after you ctb?

[AliceinNeverland]

I know that technically you can't 'miss' anything after ctb, but what will you miss the least or be glad to have left behind? For me, it will be;
-the dust in the town I live in (coats everything, can't walk outside without getting dust blown in your face by passing cars)
-Seeing my mum drown her sorrows in alcohol day after day
-Worrying about the future
-Past disappointments
-Unmet expectations
-Loneliness
-Commuting long distances (I live in the middle of nowhere so everything is far, even the supermarket)
-Feeling like a burden financially
-Living in a predominantly religious country where everyone is indoctrinated to believe the same thing
-Unresolved feelings over having been neglected by my father
-Perpetual restlessness
-Just being a person

 

[ikadasui]

Stuck in a body I despise
Feelings of loss and abandonment
Loneliness
physical pain
financial woes
my incompetence

 

[lifecouldbedream]

-Loneliness
-Drug addiction
-Hearing my mother talk to herself almost all day from psychosis
-Being afraid that my mother will start fights with me, one of my family members, or complete strangers
-Issues with speaking
-Severe dread from extremely simple tasks that require me to talk to people I'm unfamiliar with
-Self-hatred
-Regret for ending my past relationship
-Severe regret from past decisions
-Constantly attempting to change myself, only to fail after a few weeks and fall down to my same habits
-Feeling of being incompatible with other people, forever
-Feeling that I'll never even be capable of supporting myself

 

[リンさん]

I would be very happy to finally stop feeling any physical sensations, because I am hyper aware of everything all the time. Also finally being free from feeling like a complete and utter failure of a human being.

Oh, and capitalism, wars, all the injustice and cruelty. Definitely won't be missing that.

 

[AInilam]

- Climate anxiety
- No more paranoia
- Worrying about the future
- Waking up in this body
- Loneliness
- Not having to deal with rotten people
- No longer having to bear witness to the dull grey, ugliness of this dying world
- Not having to carry the weight of past trauma/memories
- Not having to listen to my mother's delusional rants
- No more overhearing of loud and pointless family fights/arguments (their voices can get so ugly and obnoxious, I hate it)
- Don't have to put up with other people's filth
- No more aches, pains or sickness
- No more stupid, pointless politics and shitty/depressing news reports that only reminds me of just how sad, awful and corrupt the world truly is
- Don't have to worry about slaving away/breaking my back for some corporate asshole

 

[ijustwishtodie]

- Suffering

That's all

 

[until death]

I'm glad when I don't have to feel anymore

 

[Abyssal]

Existence itself.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd be very glad to leave behind the feeling of being conscious and aware, it's torturous existing as a conscious being and such a thing just causes suffering so I'd be very relieved to be free from the burden that is existence. The thought of eternally ceasing to exist comforts me so much, I only want the peace of an eternal and dreamless sleep, existence is very undesirable.

 

[this_is_it]

• Near constant physical pain and mental anguish
• Feeling like a burden
• Feeling like my life has no worth because I have no job
• Panic attacks so bad the cops get involved
• Trying to keep him happy
• Trying to keep myself happy
• People treating my existence as a debate
• People who hurt me with no remorse

 

[AliceinNeverland]

I'd be very glad to leave behind the feeling of being conscious and aware, it's torturous existing as a conscious being and such a thing just causes suffering so I'd be very relieved to be free from the burden that is existence. The thought of eternally ceasing to exist comforts me so much, I only want the peace of an eternal and dreamless sleep, existence is very undesirable.

What's your story if you don't mind me asking? I'm new to Sasu and you seem to be quite active on here so I'm just curious. Do you want to ctb for primarily philosophical reasons or are there other life circumstances that factor in? But if you're uncomfortable sharing that's okay. :)

 

[FuneralCry]

What's your story if you don't mind me asking? I'm new to Sasu and you seem to be quite active on here so I'm just curious. Do you want to ctb for primarily philosophical reasons or are there other life circumstances that factor in? But if you're uncomfortable sharing that's okay. :)

It's just because I don't see existence as desirable overall, I don't know if that counts as philosophical. I just don't have any interest in suffering personally and I'd prefer to be at peace for all eternity. I don't get why anyone would want to exist in the first place honestly, I certainly see existence as something best avoided. It terrifies me how there is no limit as to how much a human can suffer all while they are just deteriorating from age in an existence that is very futile.

 

[AliceinNeverland]

It's just because I don't see existence as desirable overall, I don't know if that counts as philosophical. I just don't have any interest in suffering personally and I'd prefer to be at peace for all eternity. I don't get why anyone would want to exist in the first place honestly, I certainly see existence as something best avoided. It terrifies me how there is no limit as to how much a human can suffer all while they are just deteriorating from age in an existence that is very futile.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

 

[FuneralCry]

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

I've existed here for 23 years too long.

 

[AliceinNeverland]

I don't get why anyone would want to exist in the first place honestly, I certainly see existence as something best avoided.

As much as I plan on ctb soon, I'd argue that existence in itself is not purely undesirable. Does the larger portion of the human experience constitute suffering? For most people, yes, it does. However, from my observations, many people genuinely value their existence here on earth and given the choice before birth, would still have come into this existence even if they were aware of the suffering that awaited them (make no mistake, I'm not one of those people).

The reason why I'm asking how old you are is to let you know that (and excuse me if this comes off as paternalistic) in case you're relatively young, maybe you should give yourself a little more time to form a more nuanced view of life. You're completely valid in whatever reasons you may have for wanting to ctb, but I hope that in case you finally make that choice, you'll have seen that life is not all sordid. This is where I'm at personally; in my 20 years on this earth, I have cried and laughed and screamed and smiled and wished for it all to be over and wished for it to never end. This suffices for me. It suffices in that I would like to experience more, but I'm not willing to endure my current circumstances for the sake of a possible "brighter'' future. It's not worth it in my view. But again, I'm also limited in my worldview considering that I too am relatively young.

I too was 14 years old once, and even in all my precociousness, I would never have been able to make a sound choice at that age on ctb because, to put it simply, I was still a child. You're still a child. Please give yourself time to be a person in the world for a bit longer even if you don't like it, just for the sake of gaining more perspective on it all. :)

*edit - oh you're 23 not 14 my bad. I think I was looking at the timestamp of 14 minutes and thought that it was your response, lol.

 

[CouldaHvBeenARock]

Needing Medication
Being in chronic pain/ disabled
Doctors - the worst
Hospitals visits
My narc family dynamic
Grief, Grief, Grief
Stigma x Pretending I'm okay.........

These are the day to day stuff, I'll be the most happy to let go

 

[oddetoad]

Being in a place where I know there's technology being used on me to lower my self confidence and forcefully makes me act inadequate to people

 

[SMmetalhead36]

I'll only miss my husband, kids, sister in law, 2 of my brother in laws, and 2 friends. That's it.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Things i'd miss the most:
- that feeling of being with someone special (cringe. lol)
- snorkeling and seeing fishes
- "possibilities"
- anime, good music( or music i like) and good movies (or movies i like)
- discovering stuff I like. I dont mean experimenting and discovery in general. but remember that feeling when you tried something and you thought/felt "ddddddddddaaaaaaannggggg this is awesooommmeeee" . That feeling.
- driving a nice car on a nice day on a great road.

Things I wouln't miss at all:
- day to day grind
- interacting with people
- office/relationship politics
-cost of living
-bills
-cost of everything, really.
-how ironic society is. like: "the best things in life are free!" but you gotta pay fares to get to that beautiful destination. or Doc:" you have to take care of yourself, what would you do with money if you're too sick to enjoy it" - Listen, doc, the only reason im able to see you right now is because I have money to pay for the insurance. If i didnt, i'd doubt you'd even see me. so please..let's not go the health above everything else sermon because i'd just get annoyed with you.

 

[Catch-22]

Living!!

 

[wastebin0]

I would miss reading.