![nohopeforethefuture](/data/avatars/l/24/24313.jpg?1609138484)
nohopeforethefuture
I deserve to die
- Nov 30, 2020
- 127
I was going to jump on NYE but after joining, I was pointed to the easiness of SN instead. I have already found the items I need, I just need to purchase them at this point.
A few things to note:
1. I have a 15 year old cat in good health that lives with me. I love him but I dont know what would happen to him if I killed myself. Can my boyfriend take him? Is that allowed? My boyfriend does not live with me, would he be allowed to come in after if the police have already been notified? He does not have his own key (he does however have a key to my car).
2. I live with roommates. I live in a "rent by the room" apartment and I figure either they or my boyfriend would be the first to find me. My roommates never go into my room, but if my boyfriend gets worried enough he might text them to check up on me. My cats necessities are in my room, so I would probably leave the door unlocked (but closed).
3. this isn't really about the cat, but I have a lot of possessions (some of which are my boyfriends). This kinda falls under #1, but would he be able to come collect his stuff? I dont have a will, and no I'm not getting one. He is named as my beneficiary for my money though.
4. Last but not least, is leaving a suicide note a good or a bad idea? I know it matters heavily on the people and situation...but I feel like I have a lot of complicated things that I would need to pass on. For instance I would want to pay off all my debt before I go so no one would have to worry about it, but they wouldn't know (as it would be very strange to suddenly spend all my money on that instead of my regular payments).
I'm not very good with the words and mushy stuff, and I only have two people I would address (my boyfriend - who is really less of a boyfriend and more of a friend, and my good/best friend. Family would be sad but I do not really care.) Part of me doesnt want to leave any kind of note at all because I wouldn't want them to remember me. But I know that is an impossibility. On the other hand, I'm a very toxic person and I've just started another giant fight with my best friend and I dont have anything super nice to say about my boyfriend because I'm very selfish and emotionally detached. So I'm not sure what I would even say. They are both wonderful people, which I can say but that would sound hollow if put down on paper. My boyfriend would blame himself (which, yeah, he started it) and my best friend wouldn't take it well either. But I have nothing empathetic to say to them. My honest feelings are that I wish they would forget my existence. Not even hate me because then id still be in their thoughts. I think they are stupid to keep letting me abuse them the way I do. I wish they'd wise up and cut off contact with me.
sorry that turned into a kind of vent. Regardless, would my cat/belongings be able to go home with my boyfriend? I guess it doesnt matter cuz I'll be dead, but still.
A few things to note:
1. I have a 15 year old cat in good health that lives with me. I love him but I dont know what would happen to him if I killed myself. Can my boyfriend take him? Is that allowed? My boyfriend does not live with me, would he be allowed to come in after if the police have already been notified? He does not have his own key (he does however have a key to my car).
2. I live with roommates. I live in a "rent by the room" apartment and I figure either they or my boyfriend would be the first to find me. My roommates never go into my room, but if my boyfriend gets worried enough he might text them to check up on me. My cats necessities are in my room, so I would probably leave the door unlocked (but closed).
3. this isn't really about the cat, but I have a lot of possessions (some of which are my boyfriends). This kinda falls under #1, but would he be able to come collect his stuff? I dont have a will, and no I'm not getting one. He is named as my beneficiary for my money though.
4. Last but not least, is leaving a suicide note a good or a bad idea? I know it matters heavily on the people and situation...but I feel like I have a lot of complicated things that I would need to pass on. For instance I would want to pay off all my debt before I go so no one would have to worry about it, but they wouldn't know (as it would be very strange to suddenly spend all my money on that instead of my regular payments).
I'm not very good with the words and mushy stuff, and I only have two people I would address (my boyfriend - who is really less of a boyfriend and more of a friend, and my good/best friend. Family would be sad but I do not really care.) Part of me doesnt want to leave any kind of note at all because I wouldn't want them to remember me. But I know that is an impossibility. On the other hand, I'm a very toxic person and I've just started another giant fight with my best friend and I dont have anything super nice to say about my boyfriend because I'm very selfish and emotionally detached. So I'm not sure what I would even say. They are both wonderful people, which I can say but that would sound hollow if put down on paper. My boyfriend would blame himself (which, yeah, he started it) and my best friend wouldn't take it well either. But I have nothing empathetic to say to them. My honest feelings are that I wish they would forget my existence. Not even hate me because then id still be in their thoughts. I think they are stupid to keep letting me abuse them the way I do. I wish they'd wise up and cut off contact with me.
sorry that turned into a kind of vent. Regardless, would my cat/belongings be able to go home with my boyfriend? I guess it doesnt matter cuz I'll be dead, but still.