What will happen if I get hospitalized

[rizleechboy]

I feel like the only way I'll get help is if I attempt. I planned to kill myself a few weeks ago but got too scared to jump off a building. Im in a very slightly better place mentally at the moment so I don't really feel like there's any problem but I know that soon I will become very suicidal again and I think I'm really likely to try something then. I've gone to my university counseling before in the spring, and they basically said my issues are too long term for them to deal with. Plus I get very good grades in my classes so there's no quantifiable evidence of any of this being real. Just the bruises from when I punch myself but those fade too. At the moment Im not so actively suicidal really. I'm just so lonely, I'm still depressed. But when it's bad, it's really bad. I have some benzos that I could take but the more I read about that it seems more likely that I'd just give myself brain damage and not even die. I'm thinking that when it gets bad again I can try something like cutting or whatever that won't kill me and be too bad in the long run and just get hospitalized. Just to get it out of my system. For something to happen. For it to be real, for someone to see and believe me. Will that be terrible. What will happen if I do that.

 

[paintedbutterfly676]

I've done that before. I get horribly suicidal, and I used to get so close to attempting to overdose but then I'd call the suicide hotline and chicken out. Then I felt cheap saying that I had been suicidal but never truly attempted, so one time after thinking that I was faking it, I took all the pills of my medicine. It was only about 20, which wouldn't do anything, but convinced me I was truly hurting and got people to talk. Also got me hospitalized.

There's nothing wrong with attempting to get heavier help. But also know, if you just want to be hospitalized, you can go to an inpatient facility and say you are suicidal and don't feel safe with yourself, without the attempt. Some people find the hospital helpful, some don't. I always found it a good place to recharge (though it clearly didn't have a lasting impact on me).

If you do get hospitalized, you don't get a lot of choices. You talk to a lot of people for a very short amount of time. There will be people who are rude, but most people are just hurt. You stay for as long as they say, it's really hard to get out on your own schedule once your in. There is a lot of doing nothing, sleep or read or watch TV. There is some therapy but they are mostly worried about getting you stabilized. There will be meds, or a med change if you're already in meds. It's intense and overwhelming, but can be really helpful.

Not always cheap though. Insurance will only cover so much.

 

[ClownWorld2023]

I've gone to my university counseling before in the spring, and they basically said my issues are too long term for them to deal with.

The thing that is going wrong here is that they are not taking you seriously.

Am I correct?


Do you have any other places you can turn to for help?

Maybe this 'university counseling' is not the best place to go.
They might not be qualified to deal with the type of problems you are facing.
Did you speak to an actual psychologist or an equivalent?

 

[rizleechboy]

The thing that is going wrong here is that they are not taking you seriously.

Am I correct?


Do you have any other places you can turn to for help?

Maybe this 'university counseling' is not the best place to go.
They might not be qualified to deal with the type of problems you are facing.
Did you speak to an actual psychologist or an equivalent?

I spoke to a licensed counselor. They told me they only do short term treatment and that I should seem treatment from somewhere that offers therapy or I should do an outpatient partial hospitalization program. I live with my parents and I don't have a job. I don't want to talk to my parents about this. I don't know. I feel a bit trapped in the lie that everything's fine because on paper it really is fine. I get good grades, I can manage my time well. I feel like I have to attempt to bring it all out of my head and make it true.

 

[ClownWorld2023]

I spoke to a licensed counselor. They told me they only do short term treatment and that I should seem treatment from somewhere that offers therapy or I should do an outpatient partial hospitalization program. I live with my parents and I don't have a job. I don't want to talk to my parents about this. I don't know. I feel a bit trapped in the lie that everything's fine because on paper it really is fine. I get good grades, I can manage my time well. I feel like I have to attempt to bring it all out of my head and make it true.

Are there any good, accessible psychologists in your country that you can visit?

 

[rizleechboy]

I've done that before. I get horribly suicidal, and I used to get so close to attempting to overdose but then I'd call the suicide hotline and chicken out. Then I felt cheap saying that I had been suicidal but never truly attempted, so one time after thinking that I was faking it, I took all the pills of my medicine. It was only about 20, which wouldn't do anything, but convinced me I was truly hurting and got people to talk. Also got me hospitalized.

There's nothing wrong with attempting to get heavier help. But also know, if you just want to be hospitalized, you can go to an inpatient facility and say you are suicidal and don't feel safe with yourself, without the attempt. Some people find the hospital helpful, some don't. I always found it a good place to recharge (though it clearly didn't have a lasting impact on me).

If you do get hospitalized, you don't get a lot of choices. You talk to a lot of people for a very short amount of time. There will be people who are rude, but most people are just hurt. You stay for as long as they say, it's really hard to get out on your own schedule once your in. There is a lot of doing nothing, sleep or read or watch TV. There is some therapy but they are mostly worried about getting you stabilized. There will be meds, or a med change if you're already in meds. It's intense and overwhelming, but can be really helpful.

Not always cheap though. Insurance will only cover so much.

Pretty much the same. I've made many suicide plans, but I've either told people or just haven't followed through. I don't know how I would start talking about with someone because nothing has ever actually happened.

 

[ClownWorld2023]

I'm not sure whether it's a good idea to attempt just to get yourself hospitalized, considering all the horror stories I read on this forum about mental hospitals.

Your current situation sounds bad enough, but after getting involuntarily committed (which is what most likely will happen if you attempt), then you might end up seriously traumatized afterwards.


Anyway I need to head off to bed now.

I hope other forum members can continue helping you.