Discussion What was your push?

[KattinKai!]

What pushed you all to the brink of suicidal thoughts?

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

For the first time? Dropping out of college. Last two times have been depressions following manic episodes where I "found God."

 

[whatsthislifefor]

Noticing how EVERYTHING is fake. The sports are fake, the money is fake, the people are fake.
Also, I've never been a very motivated individual, struggle with mental health issues, and I just dissociate all the time, so it's not like I'm "living" anyway...
To me, life is just a constant process of inescapable bull****, so why would I want to stay here?
I'm looking forward to CTB after the beginning of the year (figured it would be worse on my family to do it during the holidays)

 

[Unlucky777]

First time realizing I was gay.

Recently, combination of psych meds destroyed my life/narcissistic abuse led me here

 

[thefarter]

i just slowly but surely.. realised that the hopeful ideas i was holding onto.. were very unrealistic. i was doxxed and now i want to meet literally a single human being that will not hold my past against me and it just feels so fake.. that feels so fake. that will never happen. also that's way too much to expect from a person imo. i just feel very . hopeless basically. but the fact that i will be buried soon is actually bringing some ease into my life

 

[Dawnfang11]

The first time I remember feeling an urge to die was in 6th grade. Me and my friends were discussing "what comes after death" and concluded... probably nothing. For some reason I found the prospect of "nothing" incredibly compelling. Then over the years its been many things. This time, nothing sent me over the edge persay. Just an accumulation of overwhelmingly negative feelings, everyday.

 

[Realog11]

I don't even remember now but my failed overdose ruined my mental health and made everything worse. If I could go back in time I would never do it

 

[itsgone2]

Job loss. Not my fault, company being sold. Second time. It's just going to keep happening so what is the point?

 

[Cauliflour]

Passively suicidal:



















Actively suicidal:

 

[ef99]

What pushed you all to the brink of suicidal thoughts?

I realized that telling myself that I'll find love again was just tearing me apart and how it feels like my heart just can't survive in this world. That and a combination of probably 100 other things that just make me feel further isolated from the rest of society and other people. I just don't like the world I'm living in anymore and feel it's always trying to hurt me.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me non-existence is just all that's positive and all I hope and wish for is to be permanently free from this torturous, futile and deeply undesirable existence that just causes endless amounts of harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured, I'd never wish for the abomination of existence.

I see it as a punishment to exist, all I want is to never suffer again, my wish to cease existing is a result of wanting peace from the terrible, tragic mistake of existence and I wish this existence was never imposed more than anything, the fact that this existence was even imposed is the most terrible, dreadful tragedy, to suffer in this existence really is always something so torturous and dreadful to me and I find it horrific how a human can be conscious in this existence for so long just to die in agony from old age, for me non-existence solves everything, only in non-existence will I be at peace from the evil of existence.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Initially- intense bullying plus bereavement- aged 10. Now though- just the grind of life more than anything else. Nothing feeling worth the effort. Just one chore after the next.

 

[kouna]

Now, financial problems and divorce. I don't have the energy or will to fight my financial problems without my ex-wife.
In the past it was just financial problems.

 

[Tarantula]

The first thing that caused me to contemplate suicide was my issues with interpersonal relationships during childhood. Most people thought I was annoying and I had issues with keeping friendships, which caused me to think the world would be better off without me in it. I know it sounds trivial but I couldn't and still can't stand the constant soul crushing loneliness, I have real friends that care about me now but the loneliness and self hatred never went away. I've hated myself my entire life. I assume being abused by my father was also one of the triggers but I didn't realize I was being physically abused at the time.

The main thing pushing me off the edge currently is issues with interpersonal relationships once again and grief

 

[martyrdom]

A traumatic experience that changed my life.

 

[jiselle]

my bf of almost 2 years breaking my heart for the 4th time. I can't live if it's not with him. I wish he knew that. I won't tell him my plans though because i don't want it to come off as manipulation since i'm actually doing it. I'll just try to convince him one last time. My life is literally on the line so i'll have to do my best. I just feel bad though, he's already experience so much loss. But I need to be selfish, I just want peace.

 

[littlecutecorpse]

first time speaking, a whole bunch of bullshit i had with my parents (+ a crippling sense of loneliness. it's still there, but it's not as bad as it was now). then again when burnout caught up and i was trying to handle school, my parents, depression, and paranoia over SA.

since then it's been on a downhill spiral, with getting send to the ward and me dropping out n' all, slowly realizing how fucked the true reality of this world is. i seriously don't find myself compatible living under the eventual need for independence and finances to even survive. even if i do, i will likely feel just as miserable as i am right now, if not worse. there's just no way i can survive through it all. i'm too weak for this world to function

 

[negi-maguro]

Abandonment, emotional neglect, loneliness, envy of others, financial restraints adds up; but my biggest push would be:
1. Being lectured (and mocked) by someone on the internet over how important it is to make friends (surrounding my interest) if I want to join a certain forum/scene; which made me realized that I am truly alone and really scared of other people; which also made me realized that I have missed out on a lot of things that I've numbed over the years.
2. Being called a huge disappointment by my father who pressures me to get a master which I keep failing; which made me realized that I have no future.

Both are dumb, but I have never been truly happy after these two events. Even during my time of having some sort of fun, I still think about how every memories I made will be gone soon. I think both made me accept that I have to ctb.

 

[Yuri440]

Autism for me. I've felt so off all my life driving me to want to die, and I've just recently been diagnosed with it and when I've explained all the struggles they said it was the autism. I don't want to live with it any more, it's so bad.

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm really suicidal since a huge trauma 4 years ago. I developed PTSD and OCD since, and it's becoming really unbearable because everything gets worse.
I would need a full brain reset, and of course it's impossible so I need to escape with suicide.