What was the last straw that made you commit to ctb?

[ChildOfLove]

Was there a specific event or circumstance that served as the final trigger or tipping point for you to attempt/set your mind on cbt?

For me, losing my first and only friend whom I had a very intimate relationship with to suicide made me feel I couldn't go on any longer. Perhaps, without further context, this may seem like a ridiculous reason. I don't know. This person was very important to me, far more than anyone's ever been in my life. I feel utterly lost without him and have been feeling extremely suicidal ever since. I was already struggling before that happened and have experienced many traumatic events especially in the past year, though losing him just truly broke me and strengthened my resolve to cbt. In truth I think I'm not yet fully conscious of the fact that he's permanently gone from this earthly planet.

 

[iloverachel]

For me there wasn't a last straw or anything, just realizing over the years how pointless and isolating life is. Losing family members affected me a lot too as well as losing 4 dogs over a decade.
And trying everything i can to better but nothing working made me feel more hopeless and suicidal

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I guess my dad yelling at me and blaming me for him and my stepmother getting evicted back when I was 14? Idk. I don't think there was a particular last straw for me. Despite my attempts at changing my perspective, living a long life just doesn't appeal to me, so I feel like it's kind of inevitable that would have ended up trying to ctb.

 

[bFre3]

I've always considered ctb as an option from a young age. Well, when I was younger it was more spontaneous, emotional outbursts and I'd be back to 'normal' after a day or two. But still, the thought was always lingering at the back of my head.

I can't really pinpoint exactly when, but eventually, I started to value death more than life, I suppose. I've been seriously planning out to ctb over the past year or so.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, it's rather just the fact that existence was always undesirable, I'd always prefer to not exist no matter what. In my case I simply prefer the sound of peacefully not existing over the futile and torturous burden of existing as a human, I have no interest in suffering in this meaningless existence and in existence there is endless potential to suffer.

Under no circumstances would I ever wish to suffer for decades just to be tormented by old age and die anyway, I despise existence as it's the source of all suffering, for me suicide is the rational solution to solve what the true problem is which is existence itself.

 

[Sylveon]

Academic failure and loneliness led me to reflect a lot on life, and when I went back out there, I realised how enthusiastic and hopeful everyone was about their future; everyone had something they looked forward to, and the ones who didn't care too much about tomorrow enjoyed themselves to the fullest in the present—the two things I would never experience.

I can't pursue the one thing I'm passionate about because the ship for it sailed long ago, and the thought of continuing for however many years without any concrete purpose to live for (that I'll probably never have) sounds really miserable and exhausting. And yeah, there are some other things going on as well, such as my (logically justified) self-hatred and my susceptibility to stress, etc...

One thing I've learned living in the most populous country is that even statistics get forgotten in the long run. Besides, there's always a better "me" out there, so I don't see any point in continuing when I can neither make it better for myself nor others.

TL;DR: I've got no business being here.

 

[GhostShell]

Another monthly visit to my doctor who keeps ignoring my complaints about a lowering quality of life (including those visits making me worse).

 

[sserafim]

The fact that life is all about survival, work is modern day slavery and you will have to work your life away just to survive. You will have to become a slave to the system for the rest of your life. This is so depressing to me. I'd rather die now than have to work for the next 50-60 years. I hate how life is just a game of survival

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Was there a specific event or circumstance that served as the final trigger or tipping point for you to attempt/set your mind on cbt?

For me, losing my first and only friend whom I had a very intimate relationship with to suicide made me feel I couldn't go on any longer. Perhaps, without further context, this may seem like a ridiculous reason. I don't know. This person was very important to me, far more than anyone's ever been in my life. I feel utterly lost without him and have been feeling extremely suicidal ever since. I was already struggling before that happened and have experienced many traumatic events especially in the past year, though losing him just truly broke me and strengthened my resolve to cbt. In truth I think I'm not yet fully conscious of the fact that he's permanently gone from this earthly planet.

The lose of my best friend due to my shitty actions