• Hey Guest,

    As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.

    Bitcoin Address (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt

    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9

    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8

ValkyrieCain

ValkyrieCain

Drifting away
Dec 18, 2024
3
My first attempt was at 13 years old, my secondary school had an issue with my hair, they told my parents I cant come into school if I didnt get my hair style changed.

when I got home in the evening, my parents told me my school called in regards to my hairstyle and I needed to change the style.

I told them Ill go to the hairdresser the next day after classes but my mother refused she wanted me to cut my hair myself which was a nono to me.

That very evening she came into the room with a shaving stick , my Dad pinned me down and my mother ran it through my head till I was completely bald with patches.

I remember running down to the medicine cabinet and grabbing all the pills I could, i swallowed alot of them and woke up in hospital on an iv and heart monitor but i was still alive.

A few hours later social services came in and was speaking to me trying to figure out if this was a case of abuse. ( I lied it had nothing to do with abuse) and said it was accidental. Part of the reasons I lied was due to being scared. Scared of my parents what theyll do to me if i told then what truly happened.

Theyre abusive , always been abusive, physically and verbally.

When i went back into school , i lied to my classmates my hair fell out after leaving on relaxer for far to long

That was my very first attempt.
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
Reactions: Melly, Buffy, CTB Dream and 3 others
theboy

theboy

Illuminated
Jul 15, 2022
3,037
Ash! How terrible that some parents engage in such behaviors.

A series of events triggered my first attempt but the main one was scoral bulling.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: CTB Dream, savory and EternalShore
foreverlanguish

foreverlanguish

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ sleepy in a heaven's sprawl
Dec 7, 2024
99
I thought about all the times I hurt people when I was in elementary and realized it'd be best if I just kill myself, so that I didn't do this to anyone again. Anyways I tried drowning myself I think one or two times. I was 12 when this happened.
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
Reactions: CTB Dream, savory and EternalShore
Namelesa

Namelesa

Trapped in this Suffering
Sep 21, 2024
227
School and gender dysphoria lead me to do my first ctb attempt. I tried to runaway from my family and get to the top of an apartment building but they caught me before I could get inside the building. Thankful I don't need to deal with school anymore and don't have much gender dysphoria now due to hrt but I want to die for different reasons now.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: CTB Dream, Yume Nikki, savory and 2 others
Fall Leaf

Fall Leaf

Just a thing to play and then throw away
Nov 30, 2024
11
It was on middle school.
The kids on my school were bulling me every day or ignored me and I barely had friends.
I felt bad about my attraction to girls and I hated my body (it turned out to be gender dysphoria) but I haven't told anyone because my environment was religious and anti lgbtq.
I've tried to hang myself after a fight with my family, who couldn't handle my mental health issues. They hurt me both physically and mentally.

I'm still trying to take a step back from my family, now that I'm an adult. I think my life are better now even though I have so much more trauma now. At least I have friends who care about me.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: CTB Dream
coolgal82

coolgal82

she/her, terminally silly :3
Sep 10, 2024
436
i've never like properly attempted. i've threatened to when i was younger and having a meltdown (the only one i remember is when they changed my taxi driver and like i liked him so was very unhappy, but like i think that was half me just hoping theyd take me seriously and not change him), and since then the closest i've gotten was recently when i almost downed a bunch of opiate pills and that was literally just cus i spiralled really bad over 1 reddit post, i had them out of the packaging but i couldnt get myself to actually take them (well out of the box still in the packaging)
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: CTB Dream, savory, EternalShore and 1 other person
Death is my goal

Death is my goal

pathetic failure
Aug 25, 2022
520
it was like 10 years ago so don't remember
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: CTB Dream, savory and EternalShore
EternalShore

EternalShore

Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
Jun 9, 2023
1,006
My first attempt was at 13 years old, my secondary school had an issue with my hair, they told my parents I cant come into school if I didnt get my hair style changed.
That's so crazy! >_< I mean, I may not be able to know how "bad" it was, but if your parents let you get that hairstyle, they surely shouldn't have punished you by literally shaving your head in exchange! >_< plus, it's literally just missing 1 day of school in exchange for weeks for social humiliation at least~ :/ how evil! >_<

School and gender dysphoria lead me to do my first ctb attempt. I tried to runaway from my family and get to the top of an apartment building but they caught me before I could get inside the building. Thankful I don't need to deal with school anymore and don't have much gender dysphoria now due to hrt but I want to die for different reasons now.
I'm sorry that the desire still remains despite different circumstances~ :( I hope you are able to overcome these new ones just as you were able to overcome the old~ :)

cus i spiralled really bad over 1 reddit post
too relatable! >_< Reddit is an absolutely awful website, and it always sucks having to sift through unhelpful, rude comments to find information I need on how to fix/do certainly things! :/ I'm sorry that one post on that abominable website managed to make you spiral that much tho~ >_< Do you still Reddit or at least, shield yourself from bad things on it more proactively? :) Unfortunately, I've had plenty of "spirals" of jealousy and/or guilt->depression->sewerslidalness, so I'm all too familiar with that~ :(

it was like 10 years ago so don't remember
wow... That's so early~ >_< I'm sorry~ :( childhood should be nice and innocent, not enough to provoke a sewer slide! >_<



For myself, it was a really bad week~ thankfully, I have selective amnesia, so I don't remember the exact details, but I do know that I got yelled at by a professor~
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: CTB Dream, savory and Namelesa
S

savory

Student
Nov 25, 2024
120
Theyre abusive , always been abusive, physically and verbally
I'm sorry you weren't protected 😟 Your parents pinning you down to shave your hair off... Hair is very much tied to ones identity, how one expresses oneself. That instance alone is very cruel, then feeling the need to lie to protect yourself :( It's not hard to imagine I'd react similarly if I had to endure what you did at that age.

The first time I attempted I was 21 and felt trapped in an abusive relationship, hiding bruises, lying to people. I overdosed on pills too
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: CTB Dream and LostLily
coolgal82

coolgal82

she/her, terminally silly :3
Sep 10, 2024
436
too relatable! >_< Reddit is an absolutely awful website, and it always sucks having to sift through unhelpful, rude comments to find information I need on how to fix/do certainly things! :/ I'm sorry that one post on that abominable website managed to make you spiral that much tho~ >_< Do you still Reddit or at least, shield yourself from bad things on it more proactively? :) Unfortunately, I've had plenty of "spirals" of jealousy and/or guilt->depression->sewerslidalness, so I'm all too familiar with that~ :(
honestly it wasnt even that bad of a post i still use reddit but idk. my brain just saw something it could use to trigger the self doubt spiral (it was literally someone that like had an issue worse than me so my brain went "your issues dont matter and are fake" or something like that idk). that night was weird though. immediately after that i went on the nicest walk ive been on and was so fucking happy, then like i posted about what had happened and my friends were understandably concerned which then triggered another spiral for making them worry causing me to just log off of discord for the rest of the day as like a punishment kind of thing lmao. the most rollercoaster day ive had i think.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: CTB Dream and EternalShore
EternalShore

EternalShore

Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
Jun 9, 2023
1,006
honestly it wasnt even that bad of a post i still use reddit but idk. my brain just saw something it could use to trigger the self doubt spiral (it was literally someone that like had an issue worse than me so my brain went "your issues dont matter and are fake" or something like that idk). that night was weird though. immediately after that i went on the nicest walk ive been on and was so fucking happy, then like i posted about what had happened and my friends were understandably concerned which then triggered another spiral for making them worry causing me to just log off of discord for the rest of the day as like a punishment kind of thing lmao. the most rollercoaster day ive had i think.
oh yeesh! >_< That is quite a roller coaster, yes! >_< from 0 to 10 to 0 again! like geez~ >_< I'm glad the walk was so great tho! :D was there any reason why~? :) usually, I'm forced to sleep after I get polluted enough in one day! >_< or you know, basically suffer for the rest of it! :(
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: CTB Dream
coolgal82

coolgal82

she/her, terminally silly :3
Sep 10, 2024
436
oh yeesh! >_< That is quite a roller coaster, yes! >_< from 0 to 10 to 0 again! like geez~ >_< I'm glad the walk was so great tho! :D was there any reason why~? :) usually, I'm forced to sleep after I get polluted enough in one day! >_< or you know, basically suffer for the rest of it! :(
im ngl i have no fucking idea just like half the time right after i have a really bad like depressive spiral it just flips to being the opposite? like idk if its my brain overcompensating or something? i dont really know. it doesnt happen like every time after them and i sometimes just get really happy without them but like thats one of the more consistent times that it happens
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: CTB Dream
Yume Nikki

Yume Nikki

Member
Dec 8, 2024
79
It was brought on by my OCD (I suffer from chronic intrusive thoughts) and then getting stalked by former classmates in high school.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: CTB Dream and Namelesa
Namelesa

Namelesa

Trapped in this Suffering
Sep 21, 2024
227
I'm sorry that the desire still remains despite different circumstances~ :( I hope you are able to overcome these new ones just as you were able to overcome the old~ :)
Thank you<3 Knowing I have been able to mostly overcome from previous things (school, gender dysphoria, anorexia etc) and do see a potential way out of my new problems (mostly feelings of emptiness) does give me some hope (whether that's a good thing or not). I just don't know if it will work out in the end as my potential solution is to live with my friend but we can't even physically see eachother at the moment due to both of our parents restrictions.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Yume Nikki, EternalShore and CTB Dream
-nobodyknows-

-nobodyknows-

Mage
Jun 16, 2024
503
Nothing in particular. I think things just got piled so high that it got to the point that I couldn't deal with it any more.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: EternalShore
LostLily

LostLily

Why do I exist?
Nov 18, 2024
297
Getting rejected by friends for my sexuality
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Namelesa and Melly