Discussion What to say/not to say to a suicidal person?

[heartisbroken]

Hello friends.

I've opened up about being suicidal to many regular-degular people outside this forum. I've gotten a few reactions that actually made me feel better, a few that were straight up ignorant, and a lot that were well meaning but just maddening.

So I've decided to compile an official guide on How to Talk to Your Suicidal Friends. Thought I'd come straight to the source and consult you all to get as many voices as possible so it isn't just mine.

Here are some things I'll start off with:

Not to say:
-link to the suicide prevention line (UGH)
-think of how many people would be devastated (bitch we know)
-you are loved and you matter and you are not alone and other similar BS that is vague and general and only an idiot would be like "oh you're right!!!!" in response
-other people have it worse (really??!) or just anything that trivializes our feelings/struggles in general
-this won't matter in 5 years (maybe. But it matters *now* and we're feeling it *now*)
-you're selfish (my comments on this are too many to fit in parentheses)
-threaten to call the cops (" ")
-just change your attitude/stop caring what people think


Please do say:
-boost that person's self esteem. Remind them of specific thing you like about them
-acknowledge their feelings of pain and reassure them that they are legitimate feelings. Essentially don't be judgmental on whether or not they "deserve" to feel a specific way
-try to understand them; it feels great to be understood
-Remind them that they can talk to you
-offer to help, ask if there's anything you can do
-even better, offer to do something specifically instead of just vaguely asking what you can do because often the answer is gonna be "idk"
-acknowledge that suicide is an option, but help them explore other options because chances are if someone reaches out to you they're probably aware there are other options but need help realizing or actualizing them
-when I feel like everything is doomed sometimes it just helps to put my trust in someone else, like if they acknowledge that yes everything IS doomed but also promise that it really isn't even if I don't see it right now
-if it's appropriate, distract them with something funny or interesting

That's all I got off the top of my head. Please chime in! Disagree with me, add things, whatever you want


EDIT*** I'll just elaborate a bit on acknowledging that suicide is an option. From how I feel and it seems that a lot of people here agree, having the means to suicide/having it be a legit option actually makes us feel a lot better and less horrible and suicidal. Because we're in control, we're free. And we *could* kill ourselves and always have that option so it can't hurt to wait and see if things get better first. It seems counterproductive, like it seems like you'd wanna take away a suicidal person's means to suicide, but I actually think that's a terrible thing to do and said person will then feel trapped and out of control and be even more desperate to get their hands on something else that'll get the job done and feel that life is doomed and not wanna bother to make it better. Does this make sense?

 

[TAW122]

Would this be better suited towards the "Recovery" subforum? Since this focused more on getting people to recover or getting them to hang on to life. Anyways, I think your list of things "Not to say" and list of things "Do say" are pretty good. In the "Do Say" section, I would add "rationalize their reasons and walk through them with them, with a non-judgmental listening ear to hear them out and (if possible) give them advice to said problem". Of course that won't always work if they don't have concrete reasons or just want to die just because. Also, I think that most mental health professionals fail because they don't try to "rationalize and walkthrough with the person's reasons for dying, let alone offer any real/meaningful solutions to them." Also, they are trained not to give advice, which CAN hurt some patients especially those that are logical, intellectual thinkers, who see the world in a certain way.

 

[heartisbroken]

I was thinking about putting it in "recovery" for the reasons you said, but I wasn't sure. In retrospect maybe I should've.

That's a good point, I totally agree — sometimes I just want someone to tell me exactly what to do, it can really help. When your head's all clouded it can be hard to figure out the best course of action even if it's obvious in retrospect. (Of course a lot of advice is bad, but that's another story)