Help What to do when your past is so awful

[Mr2005]

But you have something good in the present. Does the end justify the means? Or do you sabotage what you've got because you don't deserve it. This is where I'm at

 

[Gentleman]

I don't understand can you elaborate. Please.

 

[Mr2005]

Probably not. I'm a feckless fuck who should kill themselves

 

[dandan]

Do you really have a good present?
If so, yes, forget the past man, leave it out or just focus on the present.

If you are having a good present then you are better then most.

 

[Mr2005]

Do you really have a good present?
If so, yes, forget the past man, leave it out or just focus on the present.

If you are having a good present then you are better then most.

Is it all circumstantial for most people? Those are the things that can change. My memories are ruining my life and my relationship. It's made worse by being here tbh. I'm triggered all the time but thought it worth asking before I leave for good.

 

[LittleJem]

Is it all circumstantial for most people? Those are the things that can change. My memories are ruining my life and my relationship. It's made worse by being here tbh. I'm triggered all the time but thought it worth asking before I leave for good.

Is it some kind of PTSD? The treatment (though it will take 5 years probably) that is great for PTSD is MDMA therapy. Very safe when done in a clinical setting. There are some beautiful videos on YouTube about it - they are helping war veterans and victims of abuse. They are moving to watch. The other thing that might be helpful is psilocybin - you can get magic truffles in Holland legally which are helpful. But MDMA therapy offers a lot of hope.
Just to add to how much hope the MDMA therapy offers - many of those treated no longer have PTSD. Which is just amazing when you think of how many war veterans CTB and just how traumatic childhood sexual abuse is......

The other stuff you could look into is Ayahuasca (it really helped me, though it is risky) and also Ibogaine.
Finally, I don't knwo whether or not you are on meds, but if it is safe for you, OTC Lithium Orotate is currently once again a miracle in my life. Last time it only helped for two weeks, but that it is helping again is just amazing. If you see the reviews on Amazon they are top notch. It is also good for alcoholism (just in case there is anyone struggling with that reading this). Finally, if you can't access anything else, it could be worth trying MJ. Especialy if you live somewhere it is legal and medically availalbe. Or how about CBD.

I have spent so much time researching because I was bedridden for a copule of years with depression and was desperately seeking something - so sharing a little research.

 

[Mr2005]

Is it some kind of PTSD? The treatment (though it will take 5 years probably) that is great for PTSD is MDMA therapy. Very safe when done in a clinical setting. There are some beautiful videos on YouTube about it - they are helping war veterans and victims of abuse. They are moving to watch. The other thing that might be helpful is psilocybin - you can get magic truffles in Holland legally which are helpful. But MDMA therapy offers a lot of hope.

Thankyou. Yeah it is. Is my present good enough to be worth all this? That's what I've got to decide. I just don't want to ruin somebody else's life. For me personally it would be a lot easier just to die. I've wasted enough time already.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

But you have something good in the present. Does the end justify the means? Or do you sabotage what you've got because you don't deserve it. This is where I'm at

I sabotage.

 

[Mr2005]

I sabotage.

Regret follows and then you sabotage some more. It's a cycle that can't break

 

[dandan]

Is it all circumstantial for most people? Those are the things that can change. My memories are ruining my life and my relationship. It's made worse by being here tbh. I'm triggered all the time but thought it worth asking before I leave for good.

Man I sold and spent what is now worth 2mill in Bitcoin , cause I had a many and Ethereum. Now I've got money troubles. Memories do fuck me up, needing money , my mom needing money and she wouldn't buy Bitcoin in 2012 that I told her, now she's also regretting, but she is better than me forgetting. I did bought, and lost them in my depression.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Honestly I don't know what to do if you feel you have too much bad stuff from your past. I feel exactly the same way. Too much stuff that I both did and had done to me that I wish never happened.

But if you've got something good to hold onto in the present then cherish it. Hold onto it for as long as you can. Don't let the past force you to make the good things in your present a thing of the past or your past will feel even worse. Try not to waste energy fearing that it's undeserved. You do deserve it. You could be the most horrible person in the world and I still believe you should deserve at least one good thing in your life if you have suffered before in the past. At least, that's my take...

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Regret follows and then you sabotage some more. It's a cycle that can't break

Story of my life.