I'm debating what method to use, I feel although hanging in any form is the simplest and most likely full-proof for the most part. It just seems really uncomfortable.
Now is a very good time to CTB. I've been struggling for a while now not the extent of how it is not since yesterday. I've lost the very thing that gave me some motivation to get up and go to highschool. I developed a crush on one of the workers there and she found my reddit account, where I'd went into detail about how I inject oxytocin in the toilets to feel normal, how I love her (nothing creepy just really soppy) and she then reported to to higher ups. My parents know I now inject oxytocin, on monday all the support workers will because they'll be briefed on it.
Those support people were my only friends and now they're gonna see me as a weirdo creep who injects things in the toilets like a smackhead, at least now I've lost the one thing that helped relieve my pain. It's given me clarity. I DO want to die, I can NOT be bothered grinding my way to get into uni just for it to not get better. Things WILL get worse, I just want to go out somewhere I was once comfortable, you know I am going to be slightly upset, more just 'what could've been thoughts'. I have an analogy. 'what's the best time to end a holiday?' Before you truly want to go. This is how I think about life, YEAH my life objectively isn't the worst, however I can't fucking live inside my own skin being an autist. It's gonna hurt me mentally and physically, truly. At least I'll know it's finally over, no more suffering, no more fighting, just.. peace. Just like before I was born.
Now is a very good time to CTB. I've been struggling for a while now not the extent of how it is not since yesterday. I've lost the very thing that gave me some motivation to get up and go to highschool. I developed a crush on one of the workers there and she found my reddit account, where I'd went into detail about how I inject oxytocin in the toilets to feel normal, how I love her (nothing creepy just really soppy) and she then reported to to higher ups. My parents know I now inject oxytocin, on monday all the support workers will because they'll be briefed on it.
Those support people were my only friends and now they're gonna see me as a weirdo creep who injects things in the toilets like a smackhead, at least now I've lost the one thing that helped relieve my pain. It's given me clarity. I DO want to die, I can NOT be bothered grinding my way to get into uni just for it to not get better. Things WILL get worse, I just want to go out somewhere I was once comfortable, you know I am going to be slightly upset, more just 'what could've been thoughts'. I have an analogy. 'what's the best time to end a holiday?' Before you truly want to go. This is how I think about life, YEAH my life objectively isn't the worst, however I can't fucking live inside my own skin being an autist. It's gonna hurt me mentally and physically, truly. At least I'll know it's finally over, no more suffering, no more fighting, just.. peace. Just like before I was born.
