I was going to do my birthday. However, I can't wait. I need to have a place where I won't be found for a while. So my rental property will be empty until June 1st. So I had to move my date up. I am ready to go though. Hopefully, you find a reason to stay. If not may you have peace when you decide to ctb.
Thanks, and I hope you find peace as well.
Also, It's looking more and more like August. By then my finances will have run out and it will be difficult to continue living in my place unless the government extends the funds for unemployment. I'm putting only a small bit of effort in my job search because it's such a niche skill.
I could not tolerate living with my father nor my mother and stepfather. I love my mother and though she can be overbearing, but my stepfather is worse. He reacted very negatively when I was hospitalized and insisted I go live with my father.
And though I didn't clash much with my father, it was mostly due to me avoiding him so much that I wouldn't eat and would painfully hold off using the restroom until I was sure he was asleep or not home. His mindset gives less hope than I already have, but he imposes the idea that we live in a horrible society and our only choice is to endure it. Many hear feel hopeless, but don't force anyone else to agree with them. Most look for similar mindsets, or want to see different perceptions. I feel like if I lived with my father I'd ctb, but it would not be in the headspace I'd want because I know it wouldn't be a choice because I wanted peace and escape, but one without any dignity.
