What ruined you?

[OnMyLast Legs]

Looking back I see three things that messed up my mind:

- masturbation/pornography
- coffee
- fiction (mostly film, some novels)

These three things gave me dopamine detached from achievement. I was tough once, disciplined, ambitious. Around college age I started to live more and more in my head until I lost the plot entirely. If I had a time machine I would be much more careful about these.

People with more serious problems, homelessness, deaths in the family, etc., feel free to laugh at me.

 

[badatparties]

I hate the actual world. There is do overs or fixing that. I don't want a do over. Humans suck and should never have existed to begin with. What ruined me was waking up to this knowledge.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I hate the actual world. There is do overs or fixing that. I don't want a do over. Humans suck and should never have existed to begin with. What ruined me was waking up to this knowledge.

Yeah I don't have the universal pessimism thing. I wouldn't trust myself with it, I would always suspect my problems were just with me. Which is still a perfectly good reason to CTB.

 

[HawkTalon]

I grew up in unfortunate circumstances, which I won't get into here, but it set me up to be a largely dysfunctional and emotionally stunted adult. I'm entirely responsible for my actions of course, but I ruined the most incredible thing that ever happened to me years ago, causing disappointment and pain in the process, and I never got over it.

 

[badatparties]

Yeah I don't have the universal pessimism thing. I wouldn't trust myself with it, I would always suspect my problems were just with me. Which is still a perfectly good reason to CTB.

I see. I'm very idealistic, so i find issues with everything. Also, it's really hard not to look at the world and be pessimistic about it, but that's just me.

 

[martyrdom]

[TW]

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[badatparties]

I grew up in unfortunate circumstances, which I won't get into here, but it set me up to be a largely dysfunctional and emotionally stunted adult.

This was part of it for me too, i grew up with some insane third world ass clowns as parents and caretakers. Extended family was also apart of the very same system of dysfunction.

 

[sweetdrowning]

I never had a fighter in me. I chase cheap dopamine until I collapse in depression and question the meaning of my existence. I want to care, but something in me feels like I am an alien in disguise. Time and time again, I have been shunned despite trying to fix my behavior. I am living a meaningless existence, I don't get joy from it, and I tend to only cause misery to those around me.
Other than that. I guess more direct causes are my impulsivity and inability to know what is real and what is fake. I don't know what reality means, so it's hard to understand what is "real".
Money meant nothing to me, so I spent it all. My health meant nothing to me, so I became unhealthy. I've never cared about myself. I've never had goals or ambitions. I just don't see the point.

 

[darksouls]

my mother has severely abused me for as long as I can remember

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

many people breaking my trust and always hurting me and feeling like i will always be too much

 

[persepexa]

I would say loneliness. I was bullied for being gay as a child and didn't have any friends for basically all my teenage years. I didn't make my first proper group of friends til I was 20 and that didn't last very long. I think I did a bit better once I moved to the UK. I think I was fairly "normal" during that time. But of course that was 2019 and we all know what happened in 2020. With COVID I was alone all the time for months on end. I was arrested in 2022 and had a single cell so that's just pure isolation. I don't really know how to be a normal person because I'm so used to being by myself. I do some very strange things when I'm alone for too long tbh. I just wish I had a proper friend growing up. That would have been a game changer I think.

 

[HawkTalon]

This was part of it for me to, i grew up with some insane third world ass clowns as parents and caretakers.

It's a funny thing, as I'm responsible for my actions and experience the consequences of them, but we can only act according to what we know at the time, how we perceive things, which is the result of our experiences until that point. But if those experiences have been largely dreadful, especially as a child, you're at a severe disadvantage compared to those who grew up with parents who aren't sick in the head, for example. We've got to play the cards we're dealt as it's said, but sometimes those cards can really suck.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

but we can only act according to what we know at the time, how we perceive things, which is the result of our experiences until that point

I try to comfort myself with this: it happened the only way it could have. That doesn't feel true, it seems like I could have made all kinds of different choices. But I suppose it is.

 

[DeathByBananabread]

Childhood abuse- primarily neglect, physical abuse that lasted until I was 12, and whackadoodle decisions that seemed primarily based on ego. I had a hair-pulling disorder as a toddler (seemingly stress from being left alone in the crib too long/not engaged with enough) was put on stimulants for ADHD when I was 5, was on more medications than I could count at 7, was pulled off of all of them cold-turkey & handed off to be raised/homeschooled by another relative at 8, said relative had undiagnosed cancer & chronic fatigue from it & couldn't properly take care of me, was dumped back with my parents at 12, was pulled out of public school again & homeschooled at 14 against my will because I went to outpatient after my suicidal ideation had been found out, & everything after that is a blur of my dissociation due to social isolation from being homeschooled & one-sided fights where my Mom just screamed at me.

The biggest issue with regards to this is having almost no social skills & being easily disturbed. My Mom had a huge social media presence, so dozens of people around the area have a negative view of me based off of getting an overly-intimate birds-eye view into my childhood and judging me for every mistake I made growing up. My body language is cagey and anxious. I have a little girl voice I struggle to move down to a more natural octave because my muscles are always tense. Being abused for so long- having dealt with so many hair-trigger fights set off over petty and inconsequential things, being blamed for my parents separating, everyhing reminds me of the abuse, and I have more memories than I can process that perpetually, unexpectedly, throw me off-guard and put me back into fight-or-flight. I think most of the time I exist in an almost perpetual state of it, only helped by mentally checking out and going to fantasyland.

Somehow I still had the delusion things could be better after all of that until relatively recently.

 

[LonelyPrince]

My circumstance since birth. Growing up isolated with detached and unstable caretakers fucked me up.

 

[whiskeyblanket]

I was born ruined.

 

[nails]

bejgn isolated for most of my childhood and then losing my only friends recently. some other stuff as well, but those are the main things i can think of

 

[Jisatsu]

People.

People not caring enough... people ignoring me and people harassing me.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Chronic illness

 

[BlendedHeart]

I don't like life. I don't like the way things work in general. I don't like the fact most people accept life as it is and go with it. It's impossible for me to make sense of all of this. This warped perspective has ruined me.

 

[finaldestination22]

I wanted to open a small rant topic about this but since you started I'll just make it quick I'm tired but I have some interesting stories most of you will not experience.

So long story short, if you are mentally/emotionally fucked up and you think money will fix you good fucking luck whit that. It will ruin almost anyone like that because it amplify everything you feel x100 and you will not keep it inside like when you're poor. You like girls/sex? That will be your ruin. Drugs? Same. You feel lonely and want to be popular? You surely will be but surrounded by snakes.

How do I know? Ever since I was a kid I grew up in a very bad family whit mental issues and I isolated myself on my computer for as long as I could. Got obsessed whit WoW and apart this all I did was staying on russian hacking forums and money making/MLM schemes forums.

Learned a lot and at 17-18 I was already making many thousands of dollars/month, at 20 I was almost a millionaire. Then I discovered Bitcoin through some guy on a hacking forum that would take only BTC for payments and I started to buy a lot of it but mostly for payments , this was around 2013-2014.

Well the flashy cars appeared, some whores even though I wanted and could have had more I realised by that time that I am mentally ill/autistic because I had a very hard time socialising I thought I did not like it because I was poor but it was actually ingrained in my fucking DNA to be akward. Met a lot of people, made connections, everyone started to notice I'm into crypto and doing well but I kept feeling akward and the more attention I wanted everytime I got it it felt very hard for me and looked to isolate. Once I isolated I wanted the attention back and then back to isolation and kept fucking my mind up.

2017 came and BTC hit 20.000$ in december, in the meantime I had become a big XMR whale very known on reddit and bitcointalk forum. Long story short I had about 1.3M$ in crypto but mentally I was unstable as ever due to the never ending BPD which caused me a very alterned reality. By april 2018 did not had much left, kept gambling and overspending like crazy due to depression and alcoholism.

2020 came and back again I was, due to some early investments and the huge bullrun that started again by end of 2020 I had more then I could ever dream off, around 3M$+ at the height of it. Again flashy Porsche, watches womens yada yada. Lost it all again by January 2022 went into a downard spiral due to undiagnosed BPD and BS irl issues which looking back at them only a very mentally ill person could take them so serious and self sabotage himself to ruin, especially mentally. Multiple friends had same fate and some are already dead, some very big on social media.

Since then I never really recovered, made some nice chunks of money but the self hate and the continously issues whit mental health sent me into breakdowns almost weekly, plus a very toxic relationship acquired on a depressive episode and a vengeful ex on top of that. hard to deal whit all that shit at the same time.

Sold my house in 2023, made some investments again but same scenario came back especially whit such a fragile mental I finally lost all the money last summer. GG to me

I'm keeping it short because it's actually more insane then this but whatever. So what ruined me? TLDR: I realised late that I wished for the wrong things and because I lacked identity so much and self esteem due to clear BPD OCD and whatnot money and fame was never for me. I could not deal whit it but I did not want to give it up either. It's a drug.

I knew I was destroying myself but I kept on doing it. Funny how for some reason ever since I was very young I visioned being rich and dying young, and here I am. Over 30, broke, very mentally ill and exhausted wishing for this to end faster.

What ruined you?
Bad childhood
Mentall illness and trauma
Genetic gambling addiction/addictions in general

My advice to you if you are young and got a healthy body don't go out yet. Work to fix your mental, start taking risks bro/girls like how you want to die when you did not even risk to go for the life you want? Some of you did not even quit your homes yet to see how life is without your toxic family or partner. You can die later after 30+ if you're still a fuckup. But until then life is a game. You take it too seriously too early you will lose.

 

[Infinitespace_]

I was born ruined.

Nobody is born ruined, you are born a clean slate the society started writing on you distracting you from your being and leading you astray they are to blame not you..

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

You can die later after 30+ if you're still a fuckup

36yo manchild living at home. Forget making money, I can't even clean or grocery shop

 

[save]

cant really pinpoint exactly what ruined me i just knew i never really cared/valued about life as much as others did

 

[turtle2]

Eating disordered. You can only fall on your face so many times before you stop trying to get back up.

 

[boyafraid]

For me it's a mix of things lol

-Social Isolation(At some point I would only leave my house to go to braces appointment)
-Bullying for most of my life
-PTSD
-Attachment Issues
-Social Anxiety/bad social skills
-Family also has history of depression
-Not the best upbringing
-Body Dysmorphia sucks too

These are the main ones I can think of at the moment (:

 

[Lost Impact]

I ruined myself. Sure, there's things I wish I could do-over but ultimately I wish I had been born as someone else or not have been born at all.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Looking back I see three things that messed up my mind:

- masturbation/pornography
- coffee
- fiction (mostly film, some novels)

These three things gave me dopamine detached from achievement. I was tough once, disciplined, ambitious. Around college age I started to live more and more in my head until I lost the plot entirely. If I had a time machine I would be much more careful about these.

People with more serious problems, homelessness, deaths in the family, etc., feel free to laugh at me.

good points . i hadn't realized that , another thing they haven't taught us but the oppossite " enjoy yourself".

that's true i got a dopamine rush from media TV, youtube, videos, social media which is detached from achievement so it makes me undisciplined . also unfocused. also addicted to 1000's of things that are not important for my goals like me suiciding.

every time i got news i got a dopamine rush 100's of different kinds of news even recently in ai news which they hype, before it was sports news, other news, new videos , videos . so that addicted me more and then watching media all day got me extremely adcicted made me that and what i wactched. much more to this.

 

[BillyBob]

I think many things are atributed to why I am so messed up.

-Being born a Gray Baby. Pretty much it is when the cord is wrapped around the neck and are born with lack of oxygen and are grey because of it.

-Bullied from a very young into adulthood
-Used by women and taken advantaged of over and over that I can no longer trust women :(.
-Autism (High functioning but it still ruined so much)
-Eating disorder (This goes hand in hand with body dysmorphia)
-Video gaming being blamed for everything wrong with me and now I can not touch a game without having massive anxiety. (It was my get away from the world in my free time)

There are many more but do not want to bore people lol

 

[peacefulnights]

narcissistic parents and a few bad eggs I encountered in my life. honestly other than that it has been pretty good ignoring those but when you are born into a broken and chaotic household you don't really have a solid base to begin with.