What news headline would you most like to see in 2019

[Sinbad]

Colossal Comet is on a collision course with Earth.



What about you guys?

 

[Threads]

The Appointment of Nancy Pelosi as President of the United States

 

[stellabelle]

"Woman killed in tragic accident" - with my name in the article.

 

[Smilla]

The Appointment of Nancy Pelosi as President of the United States

Really????

 

[Misanthrope]

"Critical thinking and logical fallacies now taught as standard in schools."

Or

"Politician successfully sued for engaging in knowing deception. Creating a new precedent and opening the door to further prosecutions that may well redefine future politics!"


I can dream can't I...

 

[NotWorthLiving]

"Woman killed in tragic accident" - with my name in the article.

Same...maybe not tragic though cause no one cares about me

 

[15dec]

Same...maybe not tragic though cause no one cares about me

I may just be a stranger on the internet but I care ♡

 

[NotWorthLiving]

I may just be a stranger on the internet but I care ♡

Aww, thankyou so much

 

[MsM3talGamer]

My Obituary saying that my last drink was a Morphine Milkshake.

 

[JustAboutDone]

N available in Boots the chemist UK

 

[Autumn Winter]

Idk probably an interview with me as world's greatest entrepreneur or something. I really would like to make it in this world and not to be nobody or painted as a loser in life

 

[lucines]

"Ketamine approved for use in fight against depression." or something similar. Big part of why I want to catch the bus is that I feel there's no hope for me after all the resources I've exhausted and who knows, perhaps ketamine would be unsuccesful as well but I'd at least like to try.

 

[Buddyluv19]

"Facebook CEO 'retroactively' punished for stealing data from Harvard database for 'chick-rating application.' Has to give all of his money back and dissolve the company."

To anyone that thinks this is just a joke, look into how MZ got his start. It's a jaw-dropper.

 

[MexicanTravels]

Mathematician solves P vs NP in the affirmative. The world is saved.

 

[Kyrok]

Time travel invented, home kits selling for just $19.95.

 

[Stillnotsure]

"Suicide booths now available for use, find next to rentable bikes and scooters in every major city."

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

N available in Boots the chemist UK

There's a town called Boots in UK?
I'm sorry, I chuckled.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

"Ketamine approved for use in fight against depression." or something similar. Big part of why I want to catch the bus is that I feel there's no hope for me after all the resources I've exhausted and who knows, perhaps ketamine would be unsuccesful as well but I'd at least like to try.

Doesn't ketamine make you trip balls, though?

 

[LayZ]

75-Year Harvard Study has proved: Life is a sexually transmitted fatal disease, and there's only one cure for it - Suicide

 

[Jodes]

"AI mathematically proves there is no point in living"

 

[LiveSlowDieFast]

"Controversial experiment in world's largest particle collider might cause unintended consequences, scientists warn"

And then, BOOM, they accidentally open up a black hole that swallows everything in an instant.

(disclaimer: I nearly failed physics in high school, what it says in the headline might not even be possible)

 

[lucines]

Doesn't ketamine make you trip balls, though?

The dose prescribed to psychiatric patients would probably not be high enough to make you trip.

 

[15dec]

Doesn't ketamine make you trip balls, though?

If I remember correctly there's a compound in it, or something like that, which is helpful as an antidepressant. There's something similar with ecstacy that helps to treat PTSD as well; it's always interesting to see how drugs like that can actually help you when they're not being used as party drugs and in massive doses, mixed with alcohol, etc.

 

[Kdawg2018]

"Sanction Suicide cult hosts industry party- no survivors were found"

 

[Threads]

"Sanction Suicide cult hosts industry party- no survivors were found"

'Mods banned all survivors afterwards'

 

[Jodes]

"Pro Lifers just watched, lurking...."

 

[therhydler]

"(my name), patient of x hospital, failed to wake up from narcosis"

(keep your fingers crossed for me ;))

 

[Sinbad]

"Sanction Suicide cult hosts industry party- no survivors were found"

Follow up News:
"SS user Kdawg2018 is identified as the mastermind behind the deadly party"

 

[Jodes]

I think my quotes on death sent everyone on a suicide binge

 

[Redt2go]

Suicide booths coming to a city near you!