Discussion What makes a good parent?

[abe]

I love my mother but I have no good role model for what I want to become, I'm curious to some essential qualities that you think all good parents should have. Should parental love and support always be unconditional? How disciplined should they expect their children to be? Do you have to be a good person to be a good parent? What would you do if you love your kids and they are suicidal, etc.?

Even something seemingly uncontentious like 'to ensure safety and educational freedom' can be debatable. Maybe all of us would be living a content and blissful life right now if we were ignorant of the ideas of suicide, and wouldn't the happiness of their child be the priority of a parent?

 

[Blue Elephant]

I don't know, I'll just put this out here: Would a good parent bring a child into this world?

 

[AbusedInnocent]

Good parent is an oxymoron, the only good parents are the ones who spare their kids the suffering of existence by not bringing them into this world.

 

[untothedepths]

A good parent would want their child, and would protect them from anything. They would not judge their child harshly, they would not demean them, they would not violate their innocence, they would not destroy their budding self confidence, they would not hit them, but they would also not suffocate their children to the point they aren't allowed to learn or grow. A good parent is someone who planned to have a child and has every intent on raising them with love, care, and gentle discipline. A good parent would not have children just 'because' or treat children as burdens or accidents.

I do understand above posters too, the world seems on the verge of a massive war along with the global economy not looking good. We have enough people on the planet, probably too many. I still think there can be good parents, but it would be very difficult to raise them in this environment.

 

[whywere]

Ever couple that brings a new being into this world, no matter all the books, videos etc, still have to wing it.

I am 68, never had kids, as did not have the opportunity and I have always wondered if I wanted any to begin with.

Now my "parents", I have written about it here a lot, NEVER wanted me. They wanted 1 male and 1 female child and no more. As with life in general, they got on their 1st try a male child, on the 2nd try, me, they wanted to leave me at the hospital and put me up for adoption, but in 1956, it would have been public suicide for them, so I went home. On the 3rd try they got their female child that they wanted.

I spent 18 years being called "the mistake" to my face, in public, heck everywhere. At 18 they drove me to town, I was raised on a working dairy farm, and dropped me off on a street curb. I can still close my eyes over 50 years later and see them driving away, with a bag of clothes in my hand, no money and hungry, no food and no shelter. I never heard from them again, 100% their choice.

With that all said, I honestly cannot give any type of a good answer to this really great question, as no matter what I would say would be tinged with past history.

The drive to reproduce to keep the species viable might be one of the strongest aspects of life beside breathing.

It always breaks my heart into a million pieces to be in public and see a man or woman scream at a child and yank them so hard it seems as if the child's arm is going to be pulled off their little bodies, so darn sad, makes me cry.

Lots of caring well wishes to everyone here.

Walter

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Good parent is an oxymoron, the only good parents are the ones who spare their kids the suffering of existence by not bringing them into this world.

Exactly this!!

 

[Disappointered]

For starters, since role modelling and mentoring is so important, a good parent can't be a loser. By that I mean they can't be insecure with a shitty social life and emotional and social underdevelopment. Because if they are in that category then even if they try to do things right, their lack of foundation will be oozing out into their children's minds. Their constitutational loseritis will be what ends up having the most impact on the children.

It is also irresponsible at best, to undertake bizarre risks like mixed race breeding if you are not significantly advantaged, especially when it comes to social and emotional wellbeing.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Ever couple that brings a new being into this world, no matter all the books, videos etc, still have to wing it.

I am 68, never had kids, as did not have the opportunity and I have always wondered if I wanted any to begin with.

Now my "parents", I have written about it here a lot, NEVER wanted me. They wanted 1 male and 1 female child and no more. As with life in general, they got on their 1st try a male child, on the 2nd try, me, they wanted to leave me at the hospital and put me up for adoption, but in 1956, it would have been public suicide for them, so I went home. On the 3rd try they got their female child that they wanted.

I spent 18 years being called "the mistake" to my face, in public, heck everywhere. At 18 they drove me to town, I was raised on a working dairy farm, and dropped me off on a street curb. I can still close my eyes over 50 years later and see them driving away, with a bag of clothes in my hand, no money and hungry, no food and no shelter. I never heard from them again, 100% their choice.

With that all said, I honestly cannot give any type of a good answer to this really great question, as no matter what I would say would be tinged with past history.

The drive to reproduce to keep the species viable might be one of the strongest aspects of life beside breathing.

It always breaks my heart into a million pieces to be in public and see a man or woman scream at a child and yank them so hard it seems as if the child's arm is going to be pulled off their little bodies, so darn sad, makes me cry.

Lots of caring well wishes to everyone here.

Walter

I laughed in my mind because it's so fucked up but it's utterly true. That's horrific psychological torture. I mainly had gas lighting, narcissism (mother) and other issues but in your case there was no beating around the bush and it's direct.

Similar that the wanted their 1 male and 1 female like a set of toys to show off their status and parade them around like dancing monkeys. Absolute hell.

90% of people I'd say shouldn't have children - financial aspects (can they support them for their life to go and do what they want. Can they teach them about animals in the field and not being stuck in a school jail cell reading a book for example), social aspect (are they going to be robbed a knife point? Having to learn that if they aren't good looking accept being treated like shit?), environment (stable home with good food), psychological (pretty obvious lol).

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Being a good parent would mean having to be understanding of your child and the stage they are at in their development. It would also mean treating them like a fucking human being. This means respecting their boundaries, actually listening to them, making compromises, respecting their life decisions (especially as they get older), not using any unethical disiciplinary methods on them (corporal punishment, stress positions, taking their bedroom door off their hinge, silent treatment, etc), ensuring that they always feel safe around and that they don't fear you, and more. Most parents do not do most, if not all, of the shit I just listed.

Why is it that others view treating people with basic human-decency as something completely dependent on your age? A good parent treats their child with the upmost respect and works hard to ensure that they have the skills needed to become a functional adult. Parents should be teaching their children how to properly recognize and cope with their emotions instead of lashing out at them whenever they become emotional. They should allow children to "talk back" because, 9/10, children talking back is just them trying to express their own feelings and opinions. Children should never be treated as a thing to better your own life or to use to push your own shitty agenda. Children shouldn't be harmed or even kicked out of their home for not fitting your world view (e.g. children being kicked out for being lgbtq+). I could probably go on a several hour about my issues when it comes to how most parents treat their kids.

It is also irresponsible at best, to undertake bizarre risks like mixed race breeding

Having a mixed race kid isn't in of itself a risk and also isn't bizarre. Being mixed race is very normalized and common in many countries and isn't seen as a big deal. In my mom's country, for example, being mixed is kind of just whatever. I, as a mixed race person, have also never had any issues as a result of being mixed race. Most "risks" involved in having a mixed race child seem to mostly be due to issues with fetishization and issues with one side of the family being racist (at least in the West). In reality, having a mixed race kid isn't in of itself a risk. It depends on which country you live in and who you are having a kid with.

 

[Disappointered]

Having a mixed race kid isn't in of itself a risk and also isn't bizarre. Being mixed race is very normalized and common in many countries and isn't seen as a big deal. In my mom's country, for example, being mixed is kind of just whatever. I, as a mixed race person, have also never had any issues as a result of being mixed race. Most "risks" involved in having a mixed race child seem to mostly be due to issues with fetishization and issues with one side of the family being racist (at least in the West). In reality, having a mixed race kid isn't in of itself a risk. It depends on which country you live in and who you are having a kid with.

If you're in a country where you don't know you aren't putting them into a disadvantaged situation then I would consider it unethical. Mixed race people are more likely to need counseling. Pretending that's fine because you want to champion some aspect of antiracism is unethical in my opinion.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

If you're in a country where you don't know you aren't putting them into a disadvantaged situation then I would consider it unethical. Mixed race people are more likely to need counseling. Pretending that's fine because you want to champion some aspect of antiracism is unethical in my opinion.

I'm mixed race. It's not unethical to have mixed race children. Seriously, having to deal with people like you, who hide their racist behind a curtain of pretend concern is just annoying, especially when it's people like you who lead to us needing counselling in the first place.

 

[Disappointered]

I'm mixed race. It's not unethical to have mixed race children. Seriously, having to deal with people like you, who hide their racist behind a curtain of pretend concern is just annoying, especially when it's people like you who lead to us needing counselling in the first place.

It doesn't matter what the reason is. Mixed race children have a harder time so I consider it unethical to promote mixed race breeding.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

It doesn't matter what the reason is. Mixed race children have a harder time so I consider it unethical to promote mixed race breeding.

Cool, children from all sorts of backgrounds have their own issues. It's weird to specifically apply this to mixed race children when this logic to be apply to basically every child. How about you take your racist bullshit somewhere else. Don't fucking lecture on shit regarding being mixed when, as I stated before, I am mixed. Both of my parents are mixed. "Mixed race breeding" is about as "unethical" as breeding in general.

 

[Disappointered]

Cool, children from all sorts of backgrounds have their own issues. It's weird to specifically apply this to mixed race children when this logic to be apply to basically every child. How about you take your racist bullshit somewhere else. Don't fucking lecture on shit regarding being mixed when, as I stated before, I am mixed. Both of my parents are mixed. "Mixed race breeding" is about as "unethical" as breeding in general.

No, not really. It's about as unethical as irresponsible breeding in general.

They are more likely to need counseling so it's irresponsible in almost every case.

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

I love my mother but I have no good role model for what I want to become, I'm curious to some essential qualities that you think all good parents should have. Should parental love and support always be unconditional? How disciplined should they expect their children to be? Do you have to be a good person to be a good parent? What would you do if you love your kids and they are suicidal, etc.?

Even something seemingly uncontentious like 'to ensure safety and educational freedom' can be debatable. Maybe all of us would be living a content and blissful life right now if we were ignorant of the ideas of suicide, and wouldn't the happiness of their child be the priority of a parent?

My mom did everything she could for me. It's more than most parents would ever do or put up with. It definitely should've been enough, but it just, isn't... It's not fair to her. So I carry tremendous, literally unlivable guilt for it not being "enough" because it should've been. I couldn't tell you where it went wrong. It just never was okay. Apparently up until my starting kindergarten it was. I only have theories as to why I am the way I am, but nothing concrete enough to assuage any guilt/shame by any means.
So maybe you can have an essentially perfect parent, and still end up becoming a monster mutant invalid.

OP is there a specific reason you ask? Do you think you may want to be a parent one day?

 

[nembutal]

For starters, since role modelling and mentoring is so important, a good parent can't be a loser. By that I mean they can't be insecure with a shitty social life and emotional and social underdevelopment. Because if they are in that category then even if they try to do things right, their lack of foundation will be oozing out into their children's minds. Their constitutational loseritis will be what ends up having the most impact on the children.

It is also irresponsible at best, to undertake bizarre risks like mixed race breeding if you are not significantly advantaged, especially when it comes to social and emotional wellbeing.

so ignorant it's embarrassing

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

How tf did this thread become a matter of race?

Being a good parent sounds pretty simple but if it was so easy, then why have so many people been so bad at it? Good parents aren't even guaranteed to produce good children and such children who don't know any worse would probably still end up finding ways to hate their parents anyway.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Love. Specifically that sort of selfless love where you love someone at the expense of your own wellbeing.

 

[emma99]

A good parent would have to be one with a rational mindset.
.

 

[GuessWhosBack]

A good parent, for one, should be able to demonstrate above average understanding of multiple facets of human life and the inner workings of the world THEY inhabit.

It's bizarre that so many people have children in the 21st Century when they very clearly lack even the most basic of understanding of child development.

 

[Blurry_Buildings]

Someone who cares for their child and does everything in their power to prepare them to be as independent as possible and emphasizes the importance of schoolwork.
They clearly explain why they are punishing or demanding something of the child (never just saying "because I said so/ thats just the way it is/ etc"), probably better to avoid hitting the child when possible or at all.
They should have a stable job or income source if possible, but allow time to be aware of generally where their child is at all times (just generally).
A good parent should pass any useful skills they have down. How to cook healthy food, a basic understanding of money and how the world works, and anything else they might know that the child wants to know (car repair, a native language, a hobby)
A good parent works to prevent their child from doing drugs or joining gangs. It is far easier for people to never begin than to stop with both.
A good parent makes an effort to not be addicted themselves.
A good parent commits to supporting their child in different ways for life, no matter the child's decisions.

 

[Imagined_Euphoria]

Not having kids would be the first step.