What made you try recovery?

[deedeme]

Willpower? A person that you love? Memories of happy times? Hope? Opportunities?

 

[carac]

Desperation. When my choices were either ctb, live in intelorable pain or try to recover and I failed ctb, the only thing I could do is try to recover. I've always been a logical thinker and scientific but I was driven to the point were I would just try anything even if I thought it was complete mumbo jumbo.

 

[deedeme]

Desperation. When my choices were either ctb, live in intelorable pain or try to recover and I failed ctb, the only thing I could do is try to recover. I've always been a logical thinker and scientific but I was driven to the point were I would just try anything even if I thought it was complete mumbo jumbo.

I admire the strength, I hope things are manageable.

 

[carac]

I admire the strength, I hope things are manageable.

Thankyou, yea they a lot better now, hope you are doing ok and if you're not you manage to find that thing to help you

 

[HereTomorrow]

I made a new friend for the first time in years who mostly recovered from thoughts of CTB. Some switch in me changed, I guess real life inspiration? I haven't exactly told her my struggles in fear of hurting her but might open up once I'm mostly alright.

She did therapy but I've been doing no therapy/no meds approach and doing kinda better? Better then before at least. I've had bad experiences with both which hindered my recovery for years but I'm willing to try almost anything else just to have a good friend again <3

 

[deedeme]

I made a new friend for the first time in years who mostly recovered from thoughts of CTB. Some switch in me changed, I guess real life inspiration? I haven't exactly told her my struggles in fear of hurting her but might open up once I'm mostly alright.

She did therapy but I've been doing no therapy/no meds approach and doing kinda better? Better then before at least. I've had bad experiences with both which hindered my recovery for years but I'm willing to try almost anything else just to have a good friend again <3

That's amazing and I'm proud of you for trying! Wish you a good journey in your recovery

 

[Kimlett]

If I ctb I would ruin my family for the rest of their lifes. I can't do that. That's why I try to recover. But I don't have much hope in the future, I think there is so much pain ahead of me. I try to comfort myself thinking that I'll die anyway and someday the pain will end.

 

[deedeme]

If I ctb I would ruin my family for the rest of their lifes. I can't do that. That's why I try to recover. But I don't have much hope in the future, I think there is so much pain ahead of me. I try to comfort myself thinking that I'll die anyway and someday the pain will end.

I feel the same way. Sometimes it becomes too much to handle alone, that's why I wish to ctb soon. I considered recovery in the past and it worked for a while, however since I was doing it myself and my mental state isn't the greatest at the moment, I can't approach it.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

Although I've made a few attempts to ctb, I've held off for a few years. I cent do it to my gf after 12 years of her being by my side and showing total loyalty.

So I've looked for ways to cope. Didn't have a single friend for 20 years. But over the last year I've been looking everywhere I can for people to connect with. Making friends for understanding and support.

Talking helps. At the very least it's a distraction from difficult feelings. I still struggle to enjoy anything. But trying to help others has been quite rewarding. It gives me a sense if purpose when I've failed at everything else in life

 

[Abandoned Character]

I like how Albert Camus puts it. If I have an eternity to not exist and only this lifetime to be me, why not exhaust all possible options before giving up? I can't justify suicide unless I put in the effort to go to therapy, work out at the gym, finish my degree, cook some new food. If after all the things I tried suicide is still appetizing, perhaps I will go then. But so far, I find the woes of being alive sufficiently entertaining.

 

[Paradise]

I like how Albert Camus puts it. If I have an eternity to not exist and only this lifetime to be me, why not exhaust all possible options before giving up? I can't justify suicide unless I put in the effort to go to therapy, work out at the gym, finish my degree, cook some new food. If after all the things I tried suicide is still appetizing, perhaps I will go then. But so far, I find the woes of being alive sufficiently entertaining.

It's exactly what i've been doing, though I feel like i'm running out of things to try.

 

[GroundControl]

Willpower? A person that you love? Memories of happy times? Hope? Opportunities?

I'm not sure if this counts because it wasn't a clinical "recovery", but my parents convinced me to recover when I was 12 and by encouraging my delusions that god (the Christian god) was speaking to me through various ways (like the radio, or clouds) and that he would fix and fulfill me. That's really it. There was a whole period of my life (which I greatly regret) in which I volunteered for the church and prayed and other churchly things. It was ass.

 

[Akanea]

When I was suicidal my doc pretty much gave me a free benzos (Xanax) card, I was taking so much of it I was sleeping/dozing off 18h+ a day. I literally couldn't think of suicide since I was sleeping so much....
So my suicidal thoughts went (mostly) away after a few months, and didn't come back after I stopped xanax.
I ended up with only depression but no suicidal thoughts, so what am I supposed to do, stay miserable wallowing in my depression? or try to get better. It's a very slow process, I do fall back from time to time, but I'm still going forward

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Godzilla Minus One. Unironically that movie made me so mad at how good it was and how much it made me want to save myself and eventually start a family.

 

[migimortis]

I've suffered for far too long to die by my own hand. I just can't do it. The pain has to mean something. Happiness is the meaning.

 

[scaleless_serpentin]

I think it's just a sense of, "I can always just take the alternative later"
I've always been struggling to operate in a normal capacity as a human being, and so many people around me seem hell-bent on hammering in the fear that I'll wake up one day, thirty years old, jobless and alone. That, or the unspoken threat of being kicked out and left homeless if I don't get my shit together.

So really, the only way I've found to stave off that existential fear is keeping in mind that if push comes to shove, I know the best ways to make an exit. In the meanwhile though, what's the harm in inching towards possibly getting better?

 

[kawaiiphantom]

A person that I love & hope. It's hard though. It's like the hope is slipping out of my hands constantly, but I have too much that I would leave behind. It just doesn't feel right yet. And the person that I loved had a harsh reaction at first when I told them I felt like ctbing, but soon after they came around and have been super kind and supporting. Also a cat that I love. Also art. I feel like to ctb some people need to let go of everything before they go. I think I'm one of those people. Even though I want to give into my suffering so bad, I can't let go yet for some reason

I think it's just a sense of, "I can always just take the alternative later"
I've always been struggling to operate in a normal capacity as a human being, and so many people around me seem hell-bent on hammering in the fear that I'll wake up one day, thirty years old, jobless and alone. That, or the unspoken threat of being kicked out and left homeless if I don't get my shit together.

So really, the only way I've found to stave off that existential fear is keeping in mind that if push comes to shove, I know the best ways to make an exit. In the meanwhile though, what's the harm in inching towards possibly getting better?

Me too. I feel like I can't function like everyone else it's horrible. I'm scared of getting kicked out if I don't have a job soon, I just struggle really bad. I agree, having that exit can be really nice. I love what you said about inching forward in the mean time :>

 

[cokeball329]

When I was about to ctb I reached out to a close friend just to talk and it reminded me that some people do give a fuck even if the vast majority of people I know don't, at this point it's because I don't want to let them down. That and because I still have a little hope that things will get better so why not try and push that forward?