Discussion What made you realize

[BJ1234]

What made you realize, "Yeah I want/need to die" and at what age. If that bane in your life is gone, would you still consider it?

 

[FuneralCry]

My wish to die is a result of being aware of how truly undesirable existence is, I could never be deluded enough to wish to suffer for decades just to be tormented by very old age, in my case wanting suicide is very rational to prevent and escape from suffering.
I'd always see the peace of an dreamless and eternal sleep as being preferable to having the ability to suffer in this meaningless and futile existence that I never wished for in the first place. For me existence itself is the true problem, existence is nothing more than an unnecessary harm, even when I was very young the thought of permanently ceasing to exist comforted me.

 

[letmeoutofthis]

I fucked up my life.

 

[Whiston72]

This might sound weird or strange but I started to realize that people who did not conform to some aesthetic standard through age , disability , baldness , genes , accident or whatever were treated like dirt in most Western Societies.

 

[DesperateOne]

What made you realize, "Yeah I want/need to die" and at what age. If that bane in your life is gone, would you still consider it?

21 when I abused a lot of weed... One night it suddenly just clicked and all of the repressed shit started reemerging. Had a massive mental breakdown where I finally fully realized why I am the way that I am and how deep my fuck upness goes.

 

[fleshgarden]

for the first half of my life I just suffered the majority of the time, I was abused everyday I went home, listening to yelling and fighting, I could escape sometimes going to my grandmas and spending Time on the internet .. I was not depressed, because i looked forward to talking to my friends, and spending time doing what I loved (art), but the entire second half was me realizing everything that I've went through, I became self aware, I became immediately suicidal after I turned eleven. I lived a while in this state, and I started to understand my purpose now is to die, nothing I truly ever do matters from this point on. I have come to suspect my life purpose was to be abused and thrown away, now all I am is a useless shell, and life after this is futile. since then I have only thought about death, I have meaninglessly dragged my life on with pathetic reasons why I shouldn't yet, but all I've experienced since then only proved my initial realization.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I was treated terribly by my mother for as long as I can remember. I could never make friends at school and was ostracised. I was even abused at school too. I would play video games every day to escape or sit in the woods near my home if my mother was in a bad mood. I tried getting help, I tried telling people what was going on but they either didn't believe me or told me to man-up and deal with it or some other variation. I was eight years old. I was supposed to just deal with it. That is when I realized that if nobody cares about me and just expects me to be silent and endure every day then there wasn't a reason for me to live in a world that doesn't want me. Starting at age 8, I had wished every day that I would die. 15 years later it's the same thing.

 

[Kit1]

First tried to take my own life at the age of 14 - two consecutive attempts within a month. Abusive childhood. Been suicidal, but managed the conditions - PTSD/CPTSD all my life. 2020 - the start of covid made everything worse and since then, struggling to stay alive. I cannot afford to die as I have children that I need to be here for - had been hoping to stay alive with therapy and care, but as both are missing my days are numbered.

 

[hopeurhappylb]

I cant really remember exactly why, I was like 10-11 when I decided I wanted to kill myself. I had already decided at that age I didnt want to live in this world, and I would kill myself before I turned 18.
well… I'm 18 now. I have even more reason to kill myself at this point, I just need to actually get the balls to do it, the lack of which is the reason I hadn't killed myself prior