What made you choose recovery?

[byebyered]

I don't know whether or not to choose CTB or risk suffering more?

 

[SectOfValtiel]

for me, its the only option i really have
i dont know if ill ever have the guts or the means to CTB
every method is either way too painful for me to even try, way too inconsistent for me to chance it, or it costs money i dont have

and dont get me wrong, i also dont see myself ever actually getting better, but... at least going to therapy is easier than hanging myself
at least im learning more about my mental illnesses along the way
even if that does sometimes make it feel even worse admittedly

 

[milkandcoffee]

I don't feel I've chosen it. It's that or suicide, isn't it? And my attempts so far have failed, so unless I get that sorted out some time, it's either recovery or suffering. Shrug.

 

[MentalStefan]

I'm currently leaning myself over recovery more than ctb mostly because recently I found out the primary source of my problems, which is autism. It wasn't that obvious for me but autism disorder perfectly explains most of my social problems. They are a result of my weird behaviour and my inability to recognise various other people's social signals. I read a lot about strategies and tips for autistic people and my life after 12 years of severe depression finally improved! It's not even close to what I want but I think I should give myself a second chance.

 

[je.suis.prêt]

At times I begin to imagine all that my life could be, other times it is purely down to the fact that I am too afraid to ctb, so there is no choice.

My mind constantly flips between wanting to not exist, and wanting to fight for it.

Good luck to those of you who are committed to fighting for it :)

 

[Venus13]

I chose recovery because I just want to die knowing I did all I could. I used the time I had. It brings me inner peace, and I want to go in a peaceful way.

I want the choice to feel non-negotiable. I want to be at the end of it all when I take my life.

 

[looking_for_peace]

I know dying would hurt my family and friends, so I will try my very best to live for them.

 

[squarely]

i read a lot of philosophy. originally i had thought suicide was the only logical solution to the human condition, but now i understand it is entirely illogical. Specifically, Plato, Neitzche, Camus, and (not philosophy but still very helpful) Jung.

I had often wanted to 'reset' my life since i thought i was too weak for this world. I have realized that the brain is incredibly malleable though. You dont have to kys to reset your life. It takes much longer but you end up in more control.

I'm currently leaning myself over recovery more than ctb mostly because recently I found out the primary source of my problems, which is autism. It wasn't that obvious for me but autism disorder perfectly explains most of my social problems. They are a result of my weird behaviour and my inability to recognise various other people's social signals. I read a lot about strategies and tips for autistic people and my life after 12 years of severe depression finally improved! It's not even close to what I want but I think I should give myself a second chance.

I also got diagnosed autistic lol. I'm not sure if I totally believe it though, since I don't think what I have it truly a disability. It did help me understand how i'm seen by most people though. I read on the weird and "creepy" effect that i give most people and realized it has a lot to do with not matching what they expect of me. (the unknown doesnt cause panic, but an uncanny/creepy feeling due to not knowing whether the stimulus is dangerous or not. This can happen when something unexpected happens in a social situation). I dont think im autistic, i think im just a passionate, introverted/creepy, and sensitive person. Since this combination of traits is unexpected in somebody like me, it leads psychologists to see me as abnormal to the point of disability.

 

[MentalStefan]

I also got diagnosed autistic lol. I'm not sure if I totally believe it though, since I don't think what I have it truly a disability. It did help me understand how i'm seen by most people though. I read on the weird and "creepy" effect that i give most people and realized it has a lot to do with not matching what they expect of me. (the unknown doesnt cause panic, but an uncanny/creepy feeling due to not knowing whether the stimulus is dangerous or not. This can happen when something unexpected happens in a social situation). I dont think im autistic, i think im just a passionate, introverted/creepy, and sensitive person. Since this combination of traits is unexpected in somebody like me, it leads psychologists to see me as abnormal to the point of disability.

Yaaay, autistic bros forever!

Seriously, from what I heard autism spectrum disorder symptoms are often misinterpreted and psychiatrists/psychologists either tend to diagnose autistic traits too often or too rarely. Did you get proffessional tests from centres which specialize in ASD? This is the only reliable way to ensure you're autistic or not. Your traits you described match a lot of diagnostic criteria so somebody might suspect this disorder.

I'm also seen as weird and "creepy" and I didn't even realise it for a very long time lol. I just couldn't understand why I almost always fail to match what people expect from me. This was the biggest source of my frustration and sadness. I was listenning to advices of neurotypical people and they actually never helped me... Lots of them were based on a general rule 'trust your intuition' or 'it should come off naturally' and it just couldn't succeed if my intuition was the problem. However when I started to participate in autistic support groups I found out that aspies have exactly the same problems like me. Additionally talking and interacting with autistic people turned out to be way easier for me and I even made a small group of friends! It brought a sense of stability to my life and changed my way of thinking. Instead of trying to 'act normal' and mask as hard and often as I can I focus on being myself as often as I can. There's still a lot of learn for me but I believe I chose a good way to recovery. Currently I'm self-diagnosed but I look forward to enrolling in proffessional tests.

 

[squarely]

Seriously, from what I heard autism spectrum disorder symptoms are often misinterpreted and psychiatrists/psychologists either tend to diagnose autistic traits too often or too rarely. Did you get proffessional tests from centres which specialize in ASD? This is the only reliable way to ensure you're autistic or not. Your traits you described match a lot of diagnostic criteria so somebody might suspect this disorder.

Im not sure if they specialized in ASD, probably not. I originally went in for depression.

I was listenning to advices of neurotypical people and they actually never helped me... Lots of them were based on a general rule 'trust your intuition' or 'it should come off naturally' and it just couldn't success if my intuition was the problem.

Right, my intuition wasn't very helpful either. I think this has more to do with nurture rather than nature in my case. My family was very judgmental of me in social situations so i became more bad at socializing. I'm not sure which one led to the other. chicken & egg lol. I'm also very easily manipulated so i try to avoid trusting too much.

Additionally talking and interacting with autistic people turned out to be way easier for me and I even made a small group of friends! It brought a sense of stability to my life and changed my way of thinking. Instead of trying to 'act normal' and mask as hard and often as I can I focus on being myself as often as I can.

i try having the personality of a rock around normal people. it works in professional situations. I would be too worried about losing my job if i was openly myself. Not because i'm a bad person, but i think the creepy factor makes people think i am. Where do you find autistic people?

There's still a lot of learn for me but I believe I chose a good way to recovery. Currently I'm self-diagnosed but I look forward to enrolling in proffessional tests.

good luck!