What is your reason to ctb?

[kyleq16]

Here is my reason for ctb you can leave yours down below if you want. So I don't have any emotional connection with my family as they emotional abused me for years. I feel I cant escape my head, I feel like this is my only option, I pray I make it out of this but idk if I can, I got no friends what so ever I can never keep a friendship or any relationship for that matter. I cry all the time I cant seem to fit in or just be normal in public. I've been so depressed for years and I just cant handle this anymore. I plan on hanging my self with a belt from my door of my bedroom. I have practiced and I am confident I can succeed. I just keep backing out of it though when I'm about to black out :/. Anyway thanks for reading my post.

 

[Samuel]

I don't think your reason is justified. O think you will be ok. On the other hand, I'm ctb due to my appearance issues. No amount of pills, counseling, or time will fix my problem. In fact, with time, it only gets worse, hence the will to ctb strengthens.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I don't think your reason is justified. O think you will be ok.
You should probably keep that to yourself then. No one asked if you thought his reason was justified. It's kind of rude to say that otherwise

 

[time2go]

I was in a very dark place for a few years, suicidal thoughts were frequent. I met a beautiful girl and she saved me, she was everything is ever dreamed of and more and became my best friend. We got on so well and had such a amazing time for two years. But my darkness came back and i completely fucked everything up, totally beyond repair. Its been afew months now and it's not getting any easier, no matter how hard I try I just feel worse. She was my one shot at happiness and I totally blew it, I never thought I'd find love. It was all I ever wanted or needed and I tore it all apart.

 

[Samuel]

How is that rude? You serious?

 

[AhG]

Long story: my fault and some other stuff.
Short: my wife.

 

[Samuel]

Sorry if I was rude. I just think you will be ok and likely outgrow suicidal tendencies due to yo situation.

 

[AhG]

I don't think your reason is justified.

So you just get to decide if their reason is justified and whose not?
Kinda messed up.

 

[Samuel]

So you just get to decide if their reason is justified and whose not?
Kinda messed up.

Temporary problems are not justified. This is my strong opinion.

 

[Samuel]

I was in a very dark place for a few years, suicidal thoughts were frequent. I met a beautiful girl and she saved me, she was everything is ever dreamed of and more and became my best friend. We got on so well and had such a amazing time for two years. But my darkness came back and i completely fucked everything up, totally beyond repair. Its been afew months now and it's not getting any easier, no matter how hard I try I just feel worse. She was my one shot at happiness and I totally blew it, I never thought I'd find love. It was all I ever wanted or needed and I tore it all apart.

I feel you

 

[noonetoo]

I'm a product of what he did to me. Every time I see a news headline of things happening to more children, I easily fall apart.
He may have been lenient with me, but those are years I will never get back and it has constructed me into the shitty person I am today. You can't fix a broken plate. It can't even be put back together.

Kids making fun of me because of the bite marks on my cheeks. Not having any clothes for non-uniform day because it was either he could buy us provocative clothing or nothing at all. Bullying, social issues, eating disorders, not being good enough!

Not being able to see my dad. My dad not caring when I told him. Mother in denial. My parents can't even make up for the life they brought me into of poverty and pain and loneliness. They could care less if I died today, I still wouldn't get the apology I'm longing for. Hate reliving the pain over and over again. Wish I could just block it out and forget.

@Samuel, abuse is not a temporary problem. Even if we've escaped and survived, our scars are bigger than most could imagine. It's like a disability for life. And it's expensive and traumatic.

 

[noonetoo]

I was in a very dark place for a few years, suicidal thoughts were frequent. I met a beautiful girl and she saved me, she was everything is ever dreamed of and more and became my best friend. We got on so well and had such a amazing time for two years. But my darkness came back and i completely fucked everything up, totally beyond repair. Its been afew months now and it's not getting any easier, no matter how hard I try I just feel worse. She was my one shot at happiness and I totally blew it, I never thought I'd find love. It was all I ever wanted or needed and I tore it all apart.

Have you tried winning her back? If it's truly unconditional love, much can be forgivable.

 

[AhG]

If it's truly unconditional love, much can be forgivable.

Not unless you hurt them too many times. You can only kick a dog so many times before it can bite back.

 

[time2go]

Have you tried winning her back? If it's truly unconditional love, much can be forgivable.

It's a long story but I was on a massive downward spiral and I was a million miles away from the person she fell in love with, that hand in hand with a huge 3 week long drink and drugs binge. There's no way back

 

[noonetoo]

@AhG my dog bites back right away but I get your point.
@time2go have you at least explained yourself...

 

[Katxe]

First of all, I am alone in this world. No family, no friends. Only myself.
I was in therapy because I have something like Cotard delusion, and it did not work. I still feel like I am already dead. I can not sleep, or eat, or do anything. I feel like my body is in pieces, I feel like my brain is slowly dying and sometimes I do not feel like this is reality, I feel like I am in a nightmare and I will wake up soon but everytime I close and open my eyes I still right here. I can not think anymore, just fragments of random thoughts and every night I feel so much pain and agony inside all my organs that I have to listen to some music and control myself so hard to not kill myself. This is not reality. I do not want to be here, I do not want to be.

I feel desesperate.

 

[time2go]

@AhG my dog bites back right away but I get your point.
@time2go have you at least explained yourself...

I have but I still can't forgive myself

 

[Katxe]

First of all, I am alone in this world. No family, no friends. Only myself.
I was in therapy because I have something like Cotard delusion, and it did not work. I still feel like I am already dead. I can not sleep, or eat, or do anything. I feel like my body is in pieces, I feel like my brain is slowly dying and sometimes I do not feel like this is reality, I feel like I am in a nightmare and I will wake up soon but everytime I close and open my eyes I still right here. I can not think anymore, just fragments of random thoughts and every night I feel so much pain and agony inside all my organs that I have to listen to some music and control myself so hard to not kill myself. This is not reality. I do not want to be here, I do not want to be me anymore.

I feel desesperate.

 

[outoftheblue]

Abusive home situation, a disability, and all my friends have abandoned me :(

 

[Samuel]

Are you the bus driver who decides who gets on or not?

I'm the guy who says whether or not you will overcome the problems you're facing.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I want to take my life when I am an old man. The reason why is that I have been on the verge of death before and it was very degrading so I don't want to go through with that in a hospice for any amount of time much less years wasting away.