Sadness and anger are my two main ones, and I experience them together quite frequently. It seems like the longer I continue to exist on this prison planet, the worse they become. It's all because I feel like a damn hostage, trying to escape from a situation I never consented to. And for what? Just to experience a life time of wage slavery while I struggle to pay bills anyway? To be exploited and forced to live by a medical industry that prioritizes profit over our wellbeing?
It's so obvious that life isn't a gift, and it never was. It might seem like it to some people who are more fortunate than others, but that doesn't mean their opinion is the correct one, and that wanting to end our existence is wrong. People just claim it is because they're too deep in denial and would rather remain willfully ignorant their whole lives, instead of thinking for themselves and realizing, "Maybe forcing suffering people to stay alive is wrong after all."
It doesn't help that I know other people are struggling as much as me, if not more, and there isn't a thing I can do to fix any of it. The existence of SS proves that life isn't fair, because everyone here came to the site because no one on the outside was willing to listen, or try to understand what they were saying. This pisses me off too. We shouldn't even NEED a fucking forum on the internet just to be heard and validated, but here we are.
Some days the anger gets so bad, I just want to sit back and watch the whole world burn. I hate feeling that way, but it's a thought that never goes away, and it never will until I switch off my brain and fade out of existence. If we don't have the option to do that, then we are hostages here. All of us. That's the reason why planning a suicide feels like planning an escape from fucking Alcatraz. It's also the reason that it's scary to do, and that is why I'm afraid too.
