To me happiness doesn't exist, all that existence does is just cause endless amounts of pain and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured and I'd never be happy to be burdened with this torturous, deeply undesirable existence I just always saw as a mistake rather I always find it so painful to exist.
I'll always see existence as an abomination and it's one that just tortures existing beings all for the sake of it, all I want is to be permanently unconscious and at peace from this horrific, evil world, only the peace of an eternal sleep is beautiful to me, no matter what I'll always prefer to not exist than suffer so unnecessarily and be tortured in this existence for the sake of it just to face the agony of old age, it's horrific to me how a human can be burdened with this existence for so long, to suffer in this existence is a punishment, there is only suffering in existing, I wish to erase my existence.