What is your experience with normals like?

[meetapple]

I spend most of my time at home but when I do leave home my life is miserable.

If I am about to leave the house I have to "prepare" by emptying my mind of thoughts so I have nothing for people to criticize. On the drive to wherever I want to go I am able to do that to a degree but when I am actually in contact with a person she might say something which I will immediately perceive as a repetition of a thought that should have been controlled. This makes me irate. Then when I have to wait around other normies I feel I have to control my thoughts so that I won't be criticized while they don't seem to be controlling their thoughts at all. But this won't stop them from viewing my body language and laughing when I display self-consciousness. I always have little thoughts that have a negative connotation which I can't control but people know I have them because of my facial expressions and/or body language. This causes people to repeat them as if they should have been controlled.

Are others experiencing the same kind of misery?

 

[gottago222]

i feel you, acting normal around others feels like a full time job

 

[Hirokami]

When I was more naive and open with my emotions, I had a normal friend that outright told me to repress my emotions because of "good vibes only" bullshit. Now, I'm just kind of dead inside and hiding everything until I'm completely alone. The fun thing about being a guy is that I'm expected to be emotionless, anyhow, so me never smiling nor laughing is normal enough.

 

[ikadasui]

I've maintained consistent employment so it's all just a performance for me. Very exhausting one but I think I'm quite good at it. When around friends during gaming and stuff I'm more myself, but I keep the self deprication stuff out of it. Never over stay your welcome though. Very fucking important. I hang around for what it is me and my friends are doing and then I fuck right off till the next excursion. Spend too long around me and the cracks show so I keep that in mind at all times and keep it barely skin deep.

 

[Ringo]

That's one of the reasons why I avoid irl contact, I don't have the same energy as before, through in the internet I just don't bring it up to prevent the environment from becoming awkward, talking with my loved ones is a means of distraction, I also don't want to make them agonize over things they can't really control.

 

[Sherri]

I usually get bored with most normal people, the same chit chat, the same goals, the baby talks and pictures. The big family gatherings at Christmas, and weekends. I just keep quiet. Cant be bothered, just pretend I care.

 

[Sanva]

i feel like people can immediately tell I'm not normal when they meet me, even if they don't speak to me because of my body language. I'm usually immediately written off as a weirdo and most people avoid talking to me. I wish i knew how to act normal, i've heard a lot of autistic people have the ability to mask it but I can't

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I lie a lot.

I have a few stock phrases that I use to get out of conversations or to deflect what I think might be judgy comments from normies. Things like "my husband would kill me" to get out of talking to a salesperson or "I'm going to be very popular with the kids in the morning" when I'm buying too much junk food.

I don't know these people, so what do I care?

It doesn't take much to upset me so I try to deflect as much as I can when I'm out.

 

[Foresight]

My experience with normals is always traumatic. I don't even feel like the same species as them anymore. I only voluntarily interact with nonnormals, who I think are the best.

 

[Zotz101]

Complicated. I have told a few non-suicidal people about my ideation and to be honest each time I do I feel so shit. Because, they don't understand the complexity of CTB. It almost feels like I'm talking to a kindergarten student as a teacher. Not that I'm superior or anything for being suicidal or more intelligent. I just feel like I have a layer of understanding that "normals" don't.

I want to protect people. I want to protect them, everyone in my life, from what I feel. Who I am. My parents, my sister, my closest friends - I don't want to let them truly get to know me because what they'll uncover will most likely horrify them.

There's a certain gravity you feel when you interact with people. If you really knew what I was thinking right now you'd walk away in fear or disgust. I'm a closeted tranny, so everytime someone talks about it it makes me chuckle. Would you really be saying such awful things about trans people if you knew a tranny was standing right in front of you? That whenever you say things like that it makes me want to hang myself all over again?

I frequently imagine how the person would react if they knew what I was actually feeling in the conversation. That every time I enter a room I try to concoct a way I could off myself. That sometimes I hope this is the last conversation I'll ever have with that person - what do I want you to know? Every time I'm oddly sentimental with you can attribute it to the fact that I hope this is the last conversation I'll ever have with you. Every time I send you a random kind message it's because I hope that within the next 48 hours I find the courage to jump or to put my head in the noose.

Talking to "normals" is my day-to-day life but every interaction is strained. It's always me trying to hide who I am. Yet, trying to find human connection. It's a double-edged sword. I think about other people a thousand times more than they think about me. Haha. Normals don't know how lucky they have it, do they.

 

[Mr2005]

Lol at the 'normies '. Who are they again other than the wide array of people on SS's imaginary enemy?

 

[Crazy4u]

sometimes I wonder if we are normies and they are nuts. war and stock market have been trending on twitter all day.