What is wrong with me? Why can't I just jump?

[ifeelsobad]

I have a train by my house it would be so easy to just walk over and jump. You can't live after that and I know people who did it already at the train by me. Why can't I make myself do it!?!? I'm like a baby I can't do anything I'm so mad because it's right here and so easy but I'm trying and I can't make myself do it. How can I do it?

 

[bridgegirl]

I'm in the same boat. The number of times I've walked this damned bridge and agonized… The last time was really close, though, so maybe soon.

 

[ifeelsobad]

I'm in the same boat. The number of times I've walked this damned bridge and agonized… The last time was really close, though, so maybe soon.

How did you get close?

 

[bridgegirl]

How did you get close?

Just probably the closest I've ever been to actually making the leap. I was right there, I was ready.. and then I couldn't do it, like a failure. Went all the way out there for nothing. It disgusts me that I couldn't.

 

[ifeelsobad]

Just probably the closest I've ever been to actually making the leap. I was right there, I was ready.. and then I couldn't do it, like a failure. Went all the way out there for nothing. It disgusts me that I couldn't.

I know two teenagers in the area where I live that did it and it worked I also know they did it because they broke up with a boyfriend or girlfriend

 

[Cress]

I've gone to my local train station several times and walked along train tracks as trains pass by. Psychologically I know it's easier just to jump in front of a train but there's also the probability of just being horribly mangled and torn apart left to suffer horrifically for however long. I always had the idea to prevent that by placing my neck on the tracks To be more sure how the force was applied.

However I've never been able to bring myself to play such a delicate area like my throat and neck on the tracks. Instead I'm here telling people on this form about my weakness. As pro lifers in my life parade around me Saying how strong I am not to CTB.

I don't think trains are for me.

I wouldn't agonize and try to force a particular method on yourself

 

[chuerdhmproton]

I've gone to my local train station several times and walked along train tracks as trains pass by. Psychologically I know it's easier just to jump in front of a train but there's also the probability of just being horribly mangled and torn apart left to suffer horrifically for however long. I always had the idea to prevent that by placing my neck on the tracks To be more sure how the force was applied.

However I've never been able to bring myself to play such a delicate area like my throat and neck on the tracks. Instead I'm here telling people on this form about my weakness. As pro lifers in my life parade around me Saying how strong I am not to CTB.

I don't think trains are for me.

I wouldn't agonize and try to force a particular method on yourself

A large of of fear and SI comes from the violence of certain ctb methods, imo. Train method obviously is very gruesome and tenfolds any exising fear and SI. I suggest not forcing anything, perhaps look into more peaceful methods, like SN for example...

 

[Cress]

A large of of fear and SI comes from the violence of certain ctb methods, imo. Train method obviously is very gruesome and tenfolds any exising fear and SI. I suggest not forcing anything, perhaps look into more peaceful methods, like SN for example...

I don't have access to SN. Maybe someday. About the best thing I have is a prescription for tramadol I could use to alleviate suffering near the end But that alone by itself would have a extremely low chance Overdosing on it

 

[day]

I often times will leave my apartment and watch the train pass by at night. No plan on jumping yet but knowing I have a way out whenever I want brings me so much comfort. Just couldn't imagine traumatizing the conductor. However if I feel its the time and that's really the only way to go I won't second guess it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't really think suicide is easy as after all we are all programmed to survive even if one is aware that they truly wish to cease existing and those methods sound terrifying to me anyway. Sadly it's just not straightforward to die, I hate how there isn't the option to just fall asleep eternally.