What is the Reason?

[living.dead.girl]

What went so wrong for you that you are even contemplating this ideation?

What do you hope will come from this if you happen to succeed? Do you feel any guilt?

 

[MathConspiracy]

I have no idea. I know that I've been thinking about this since September. But now I'm simply living in the moment. Floating.

If I succeed (which is unlikely since I've failed hanging so many times and my family has almost found out about my attempts to freeze to death), I wish to either fall asleep forever or to be reborn as a rich kid with no problems in life, unable to think beyond the shallow. The lack of guilt in leaving my family is strange. I don't know if I've ever felt bad about this ideation. Everything feels so thick, as if there's something in my head that muffles all sounds.

 

[KillingPain267]

Divorce. I know... stupid reason, but it literally destroyed my mind, questioning the very nature of reality. I hope to achieve permanent unconsciousness, so I don't have to experience constant inflow of random sad and negative thoughts and emotions anymore.

I have no idea. I know that I've been thinking about this since September. But now I'm simply living in the moment. Floating.

If I succeed (which is unlikely since I've failed hanging so many times and my family has almost found out about my attempts to freeze to death), I wish to either fall asleep forever or to be reborn as a rich kid with no problems in life, unable to think beyond the shallow. The lack of guilt in leaving my family is strange. I don't know if I've ever felt bad about this ideation. Everything feels so thick, as if there's something in my head that muffles all sounds.

Being unable to think beyond the shallow is a fate worse than death

 

[ForeverCaHa]

Emotionally abusive father + bullied for the majority of my school life + genetic disposition to mental illness + self-sabotaging tendencies + dead boyfriend. It's a really neat combo that I would in no way recommend to anyone

 

[BloomingAzaleas]

Nothing, I've just wanted this since I was 12 even though my entire life has been normal and good

 

[LittleNelson]

Honestly I've ruined my life in so many ways - I have no career, no money, no relationship, and no friends. I used to have a nice family but they are dead now. A lot of my bad decisions were due to anxiety & depression but a lot of it is just my own fault. I now see no way out except suicide. It's just a matter of when I do it.

 

[NeverHis]

Medical malpractice that's just been ignored and left to get worse.
I have no hope of recovery, and even if I did, it's too late now anyway, I didn't get to experience my youth.

 

[FuneralCry]

Being forced into this existence is what went wrong for me, I see existence itself as the true problem and I'd just always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this torturous, futile existence I always saw as the most terrible tragic mistake, my wish to not exist is a response to existence, I just don't want to suffer at all rather I just hope for the peace of non-existence, in an existence where there's all this suffering and cruelty non-existence really is all that's positive for me, I wish for no more pain, no more suffering. I just want to never suffer ever again, non-existence really is all I see as desirable and I'd just always prefer to not exist than suffer all for the sake of it in this existence with no limit as to how much agony I can feel just to be tortured by old age and cease existing anyway, existing to me really is so dreadful and I find it so horrific how a human can suffer for so long just to face way worse suffering, non-existence really is the only peace for me and would solve everything for me.

 

[CravingPeace]

A months-long bout of mania that caused me to completely lose my career trajectory and prospects of maybe living a good life. Then another bout of mania, and the absolute shame and guilt that follows after. Knowing that even if I rebuild my life into something better, it can always be taken away by my worst enemy - myself.

 

[Roadrunner]

I've made too many bad choices and poor decisions. I've effed up my life so bad it's uneffable

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Reasons for my suicide asap

A book of personal reasons on top of a book on general reasons for why any human or other sentient animal would want suicide

in general . a slave, work 15 hours per day a job chores , only to exist under threat of extreme torture for no reason. nothing matters . we all will die. the only thing that matters to me is avoiding unbearable pain and my suicide asap.

I know after Death is non-existence forever. if i had a choice that would be it eternal non-existence asap. but i don't have a choice

non-existence forever is the only safety from suffering extremely so bad it's a trillion times worse than you can imagine. i don't get it why anyone would want to exist under such threats. but it doesn't matter to me if they want to only to get old and decay as all things do

i don't see how me a small animal hoping that something happens after Death will change anything. does fly , mouse , fish , monkey hoping something happens change anything? a brain cell in my brain is exactly the same as in a fly, mouse , fish ,monkey. i'm no different .

and this is just another reason on top of 1000's . that no other human agrees with me on basics of life like what a human is.

 

[lawlietsph]

tons of trauma, bullying, capitalism, worrying about money 24/7 even in my sleep, physically and mentally abusive parents, abusive people, stupid dumb cruel people, child and animal cruelty, autism, the way men think about women, insomnia, the fact that life has no point at all, physical illnesses, being ugly as fuck, nostalgia, death of pets and loved ones, celebrity culture, the fucked up way this whole society works, etc...

I only hope for one thing. I hope there is absolutely nothing after death. Dark, black nothingness. Just like sleep. I don't want to feel anything anymore because this pain is horrible.

Do I feel guilt? Not at all. Nobody cares about me, there is not a single person in this world who would be sad over my death. Nobody loves me, nobody cares. I was never loved in my life. I don't know what it feels like to be loved. I imagine my parents and my sister will be relieved and happy, I am just a burden, even to society. Planet Earth would be happier without me - one less parasite who is wasting the oxygen and producing more trash. god it's actually amazing how fucking worthless i am. i despise myself for being alive, for breathing, for being a coward and not ending it right now. i am a fucking coward

 

[Lyn]

Well it's been a whole series of things over the course of a lifetime.

Starting with my school years where I was bullied and a difficult relationship with my father, which combined to result in social anxiety and an inability to function normally in society.
It was already enough to lead me to my first obviously failed attempt.

Then a series of other things, including the death of practically every relative.

And now I'm on the verge of becoming homeless, which with all the attendant problems is death fue me anyway.

At least I have some time to try to make it less dreadful.

As for the guilt... Yes, I feel it for a series of choices made and to be made.
Though logically I realize that the other alternatives were even worse.

 

[wonderfulheaven]

i think it just roots in wanting to be cared about / seen and understood, it doesnt seem to be happening in my state of living but seems like whenever you ctb suddenly everyone wishes they "could've done something". i wish i could be here to witness such a drastic change in mindset from being told i don't deserve anything good. besides that i have no access to medical care and i'd just rather be dead than have to deal with these feelings another day, yet i do anyways because i'm too cowardly as of right now.

 

[SVEN]

What went so wrong for you that you are even contemplating this ideation?

What do you hope will come from this if you happen to succeed? Do you feel any guilt?

1) Life happened.
2) If I succeed I hope that my death will come from this and I will cease to exist.
3) I feel no guilt. I did not ask or volunteer to be here.

 

[saturn1402]

Break up.
Guilt and shame for being so weak and pathetic.

 

[pauly369]

Abused as a kid.
Crappy parents.
Bullied at school.
Being born.

 

[LonelyMe]

Depression happened, lost interest in everything, lost friends, incapable of getting a gf, isolation, too much brain damage from porn and news/internet, living in constant fear, etc.

 

[username12345]

What went so wrong for you that you are even contemplating this ideation?

What do you hope will come from this if you happen to succeed? Do you feel any guilt?

Family hates me, discrimination, years long bullying when I was already having a difficult time that made things so much worse for me. No one is sorry or will even explain themselves or help me after hurting me. Also potentially being murdered, no one cares if I live or die, no support through traumatic things like that and homelessness. It would just be about not suffering anymore. My life has lost its purpose and I have no support even when I'm in danger.

 

[Halfhourdays]

Anhedonia, depression, derealization, depersonalization, mental health, felony, poverty, simulation theory, lonely

 

[FrownyFace]

Ever since I was a kid I struggled having to place to belong. It's sounds corny but I just never had a permanent friend. And as I got older, especially around 15, I realized that I wasn't going to belong anywhere and that I struggled with severe misophonia. And I noticed that my family didn't even seem to actually give a shit that I exist. I also struggle with not being smart or able to act my age. I don't have any talents or motivation to do anything. I wake up every morning feeling miserable. And now, last year, I got appendicitis as soon as I got kicked off my parent's insurance and am 23k in debt with no real life knowledge and no help to navigate it. Been stressing me out every day.
I just want peace and I hate that my life isn't good. I wish every day that I was a normal person who could live normally, look and be normal. I don't think I have any regrets because I just think my life is unfortunate and that I wasn't meant for it.

 

[MathConspiracy]

Divorce. I know... stupid reason, but it literally destroyed my mind, questioning the very nature of reality. I hope to achieve permanent unconsciousness, so I don't have to experience constant inflow of random sad and negative thoughts and emotions anymore.

Being unable to think beyond the shallow is a fate worse than death

I disagree with the statement about a fate worse than death. I wish I didn't have suicidal thoughts and I think they stem from my tendency to contemplate too deeply. I wish I was more like the people around me, able to stick to the rules instead of thinking they are stupid – I think too much. I sometimes wish I was so brainwashed that I could not feel sad about it anymore – I guess pro-lifers are happier.

But I understand your point of view, sometimes profundity is a blessing.

 

[goodbyeapollo]

Loneliness.
Chronic pain. (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome)
Depression.
Years lost to a violent relationship.

Most of all, the fact that I built a happy little life that fell apart. I started my life over again after my divorce. For a while I had friends. I fell in love with an amazing, generous, and caring person. Just when everything was finally good for me, I had my first episode of mania. Went full-on psychotic. Slept in the streets. Believed everyone around me was trying to kill me.

It's terrifying to not be able to trust my own mind.

 

[adl_300]

What went so wrong for you that you are even contemplating this ideation?

What do you hope will come from this if you happen to succeed? Do you feel any guilt?

Have broken the heart that i have should never broken. At an
Unimaginable degree, by panicking and self-flagellation. Can t live bearing such treason, hope she lives well and happily

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

When you get to a certain age, I think it is fair to say that for some people the reasons become way too numerous to list them like this. I could write a whole book. If I succeed, all I hope for is that there is truly nothing on the other side. I do not feel any guilt, why would I?

 

[wham311]

I'm not a victim. But I never felt good about myself and I didn't handle any of it the right way. I've been plugging holes in a sinking ship for 37 years and there isn't anything I can do to have a positive thought or anywhere I can go. Back against wall and I'll stay like this forever. This is hell and it will get much much worse.

So much guilt.

The only thing that has kept me sane was the idea of not existing anymore, and I'll never be able to go through with it. And if I did it would kill my mom.

Hell.

 

[KillingPain267]

I disagree with the statement about a fate worse than death. I wish I didn't have suicidal thoughts and I think they stem from my tendency to contemplate too deeply. I wish I was more like the people around me, able to stick to the rules instead of thinking they are stupid – I think too much. I sometimes wish I was so brainwashed that I could not feel sad about it anymore – I guess pro-lifers are happier.

But I understand your point of view, sometimes profundity is a blessing.

Makes sense. I wish I could just shut off my reasoning.

 

[daysfeel]

Predisposition to mental illness, sensitivity, being bullied ruthlessly at school almost my entire life, insanely horrible rumors and gossip about me being a school shooter/p*do/rapist that I couldn't even react to, growing up ugly, horribly dark and chaotic home life (not abusive necessarily, but extremely intense and opened my mind up in a way it shouldn't have been), not being able to make friends, a lot of public humiliation, sexual trauma, an abusive relationship that burned me out, constant shame, numbed out to most of everything, getting told I'm retarded most of my life, guilt, and a general paranoia that follows me everywhere. Having to do so much fucking work just to be able to function and heal even 15% of it. My life has just had a lot more bad in it than good.

 

[hhtroc]

Predisposition to mental illness, sensitivity, being bullied ruthlessly at school almost my entire life, insanely horrible rumors and gossip about me being a school shooter/p*do/rapist that I couldn't even react to, growing up ugly, horribly dark and chaotic home life (not abusive necessarily, but extremely intense and opened my mind up in a way it shouldn't have been), not being able to make friends, a lot of public humiliation, sexual trauma, an abusive relationship that burned me out, constant shame, numbed out to most of everything, getting told I'm retarded most of my life, guilt, and a general paranoia that follows me everywhere. Having to do so much fucking work just to be able to function and heal even 15% of it. My life has just had a lot more bad in it than good.

r u pretty now, because this is me except i am still ugly/deformed.

 

[daysfeel]

r u pretty now, because this is me except i am still ugly/deformed.

Yes, I had a major glow up. I'm unrecognizable really. But I'm still so miserable. Not oppressed by everyone around me anymore, but the damage has been done.