What is the best way to kill myself with a combat knife?

[ComradeJas]

Maybe this is stupid but can I overdose on something to numb the pain? Or take something to pass out, it's just to make it not as bad I don't care.

I can't get out of my home, I don't even care anymore it's not worth it.
The only thing I have here is a combat knife at home, it's apparently pretty sharp and it looks like it will get the job done.
There's a gun at home too but it's hidden, I can't look for it since I'm never alone.

I feel like shit, I just want it to stop, I'm so angry and terribly fucking depressed, I've been hurting myself for days and my mind never stops attacking me. I never even liked life, nobody ever asked me if I wanted this, I hate it so much, I always hated it.

The only thing that could make it worth it for me is ruined, my self esteem is in the garbage and I can't even read some words without triggering some kind of anxiety and crying for hours.

Thank you for reading me, I'm so so so so sorry.

 

[tsuina]

hope i can give you a little guidance as someone who is also in a situation where i don't have access to many tools.
ultimately what you choose to do is your decision, but i truly do not recommend using a knife (or any method of bleeding out) as a way to CTB. as far as pain goes you could sorta numb it with a large amount of painkillers (stronger the better but that's a hell of it's own when overdosing on it. OTC painkillers aren't strong enough to numb this level of pain and hard stuff is hard to get legally without a prescription) but methods like this usually fail. it is possible, yes, but it is likely you will suffer very much instead and be left with some nasty scars. the best way might be to slit the neck arteries - but this is not a guaranteed way out, even if someone else were to do it in an attempt to murder it can fail.
i understand how bad it must be for you right now and that you are desperate for a way out - i think many of us have those moments of just trying to rush to find an out, rushing to make that decision to CTB out of desperation for relief. but if CTB is truly what you want to do, i think you should think really really hard on it. not in an emotional and hurt state, but in a way that you can think logically about the consequences (along with the side effects of your method of CTB - many people have SI kick in when they realize it's kinda miserable, and peaceful methods are not easy or quick to achieve.) CTB may seem like the best choice right now in your pain and hurt, but it's important to take everything into consideration.. and plan. planning is vital to a successful CTB if that is your decision.
whichever way you choose to go, whatever you choose to do- i truly hope you find peace and i wish you the best to find happiness no matter your choice. <3

 

[ComradeJas]

hope i can give you a little guidance as someone who is also in a situation where i don't have access to many tools.
ultimately what you choose to do is your decision, but i truly do not recommend using a knife (or any method of bleeding out) as a way to CTB. as far as pain goes you could sorta numb it with a large amount of painkillers (stronger the better but that's a hell of it's own when overdosing on it. OTC painkillers aren't strong enough to numb this level of pain and hard stuff is hard to get legally without a prescription) but methods like this usually fail. it is possible, yes, but it is likely you will suffer very much instead and be left with some nasty scars. the best way might be to slit the neck arteries - but this is not a guaranteed way out, even if someone else were to do it in an attempt to murder it can fail.
i understand how bad it must be for you right now and that you are desperate for a way out - i think many of us have those moments of just trying to rush to find an out, rushing to make that decision to CTB out of desperation for relief. but if CTB is truly what you want to do, i think you should think really really hard on it. not in an emotional and hurt state, but in a way that you can think logically about the consequences (along with the side effects of your method of CTB - many people have SI kick in when they realize it's kinda miserable, and peaceful methods are not easy or quick to achieve.) CTB may seem like the best choice right now in your pain and hurt, but it's important to take everything into consideration.. and plan. planning is vital to a successful CTB if that is your decision.
whichever way you choose to go, whatever you choose to do- i truly hope you find peace and i wish you the best to find happiness no matter your choice. <3

First of all, thank you.
I've been thinking about it for years, I never wanted anything, even when I wasn't terribly depressed I didn't like living.
I just... met someone almost three years ago, they gave me hope and... They just destroyed my self esteem by doing the things that cause my emotional trauma in the past.
It's gone, I don't have any future, my family is abusive and I can't get any help, I don't want it either. Life is not good to me and I don't care, I just want it to end.

Too much rambling, sorry. I just want it to stop, I don't like existing or feeling, nothing, it's depressing.
I have no idea on planning either, there'sjust the weapon and medicine, I'm sorry

 

[tsuina]

First of all, thank you.
I've been thinking about it for years, I never wanted anything, even when I wasn't terribly depressed I didn't like living.
I just... met someone almost three years ago, they gave me hope and... They just destroyed my self esteem by doing the things that cause my emotional trauma in the past.
It's gone, I don't have any future, my family is abusive and I can't get any help, I don't want it either. Life is not good to me and I don't care, I just want it to end.

Too much rambling, sorry. I just want it to stop, I don't like existing or feeling, nothing, it's depressing.
I have no idea on planning either, there'sjust the weapon and medicine, I'm sorry

don't worry about judgement here at all. we all have our struggles and they're all entirely valid. no need to apologize for rambling your thoughts and struggles, and no need to thank me either- i suppose i just do what i can to people who suffer as i do. it often breaks my heart to read how much people suffer on this earth, so.. i want to do my part in showing kindness or support.
i understand where you're coming from. i always considered CTB even when i was younger and not even a trauma-ridden autistic social reject and it got worse as time went on. i am so sorry that someone hurt you that way. i'm struggling in a relationship myself where my partner acts out in ways that remind me of my past abuse. it's extremely difficult.. not all people are terrible, but when they are, it really really hurts, and i know just how damn discouraging that can be especially when one person reminds you of x or y and it makes everything so much worse. i suppose, a "revival" of that emotional trauma. and letting go of someone's actions is so hard too when they totally kill your self esteem like that. and finding that self esteem.. well. i haven't even figured that out myself. i think that's within one's own being - and if the answer to happiness and self love and self respect is to CTB, that's someone's decision and it's totally valid. i view CTB as putting myself to rest after such a difficult life (along with physical illness that i do not want to endure) and as the ultimate act of "taking back" my self worth.
familial abuse is really terrible as well and i assume you live with them which makes things worse since it's so hard to escape. i can't decide for you the right decision or even shove down the thought of "it gets better!!!!" down your throat since.. well, i know that's an annoying thing to hear.
it's hard when there's not many things to use. i won't guide you in specific however we have a great place for resources on this site if you'd like to check it out. i definitely recommend taking a look at it: here's the link. it's possible you could find a method that will work with what you have and help you plan a little. getting out ASAP would be ideal, but i don't want anyone to suffer the negative consequences of a rushed CTB if that's what you decide to do. i personally like to encourage people to live on... but i also know it's so hard that maybe CTB is the answer.
i really wish you luck out there. and hey, if you need to talk, you can PM me when you hit 10 total posts :)

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I wish I could give you a real hug, but I suppose a virtual hug will have to do. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. You've already received good advice in this thread, but I want to comment to reinforce it. If there's one really important lesson I've learned from this site, it's that impulsive, risky methods often fail and/or cause severe physical pain in the process - not to mention unintentional consequences after the failed attempt. Cool, level-headed, and well-prepared methods provide a better chance of success, less risk of pain or lasting complications, and - most importantly - are the result of a mind that has fully come to terms with the reality of death.

I wish for your pain to stop; I really do. Which is why I hope you don't do anything rash. I see you just joined yesterday. This is such a welcoming and supportive community. I hope you find comfort here to ease the pain, or at the very least, the ways to a peaceful end. I believe that when life is so full of pain, our death should be as painless as possible.