What is it with people avoiding/rejecting me

[Lilmeowssi]

Hello,

as the title already says, I keep getting rejected and/or avoided by people.
I am not talking about people online but about people in real life.
I don't get why at all. I am always really nice, even to people who I don't know or to people who are not being nice to me.
I am a people pleaser and I get taken advantage of a lot.
I invited all these "friends" to my birthday parties (when I used to still celebrate them) but nobody ever invited me back and they are not even trying to hide it from me.
They make plans right in front of me but never ask if I wanna come too.
I am never their first choice neither their second.
They only ever ask me if I wanna go out when nobody else can and I always say yes because it's not that often.
When I ask them to go out with me, they never have time or at least that's what they always say.
My friends are the second dearest people in my life after my family. I don't get any love back from either of them.
I feel like maybe it's because I get too attached to people and it's annoying them? I am just afraid of loosing people.
I don't get what I am doing wrong. It's been like that ever since kindergarten.
Sorry for crying to you guys about it but I really don't have anyone to talk to.

 

[who doesn't matter]

Simple answer - you have been hanging around with the wrong crowd. No offence. It isn't much of a revelation that most in this world are here to simply take advantage of others. This literally explains the existence of this forum. It seems the ones you call "friends" don't precisely consider you as one. You are simply a resource to them.

I know being alone is painful in almost every manner, but sometimes it can save you from being mercilessly used by others. You are good as you are. Don't change or alter yourself for the sake of the ones who just don't care.

 

[deltaofvenus]

It would be impossible for us to say why you are rejected. Just know that you aren't alone. I can relate to some things you said- I'm a people pleaser, genuinely kind to all people, yet most people want nothing to do with me. Even my family doesn't like me.

I don't know why this is, but I've accepted it and I'm no longer looking to fill my life with other people. Besides, it makes it easier for me to ctb when the time comes.

I do hope you find some friends that treat you better. I don't know you, but it seems that you deserve better. <3

 

[Crazy Squirrel]

Definitely stop being a people pleaser, no good will come of it. It took me a long time to realize that, and it's a hard habit to break...well, it really says something about this world, when naturally kind people have to make such changes, in the first place!

 

[Meditation guide]

I have the same problem. I always thought when I had a friend that was it for life. We would keep doing things together or at least stay in touch and share things with each other but instead it always turned out they had been using me all along. That's when I discovered thanks to youtube videos how narcissists are and everyone I ever thought had been a friend actually was a narcissist, who use people and discard them.

I am a kind hearted person. I go out of my way if someone is a friend. One girl I gave rides to in high school for two years, wherever she needed to go, only to never see or talk to her again the day she got her own car. It's been similar to that my whole life.

 

[muffin222]

I had/have the same problem. I've found that people-pleasing and overgiving of our time, energy, and care (which I'm guilty of as well!) comes off as insincere to many people. They think we're being nice to try to overcompensate for something, to manipulate them, or to get something. I don't understand this line of thought myself, but it seems that many people view people-pleasing types in this light. Also, some people may also recognize your kindness and people-pleasing and feel guilty about being on the receiving end of it because they know that they aren't going to reciprocate your level of effort. So, they just avoid you outright.

Without knowing your situation, there's no way to pinpoint the exact reasons why people may avoid you, but hopefully my thoughts can provide some possible insight

 

[Deleted member 17949]

A similar thing always happened to me. It almost felt like the world was rigged against me; I would try to be nice, funny, interesting and relaxed but nobody ever cared for me. No matter how much I tried to be a positive presence I was always ignored and forgotten, and it felt like there was absolutely no reason for it.

Honestly the only good experience I had was by randomly finding some people I clicked with quite well. It seems that I just don't get along too well with a lot of people and only vibe with some groups.

 

[deltaofvenus]

I had/have the same problem. I've found that people-pleasing and overgiving of our time, energy, and care (which I'm guilty of as well!) comes off as insincere to many people. They think we're being nice to try to overcompensate for something, to manipulate them, or to get something. I don't understand this line of thought myself, but it seems that many people view people-pleasing types in this light. Also, some people may also recognize your kindness and people-pleasing and feel guilty about being on the receiving end of it because they know that they aren't going to reciprocate your level of effort. So, they just avoid you outright.

Hey, thank you for sharing this. A few years ago, I decided to not go out of my way for others, to put myself first. So, I'm actively working on not people pleasing anymore. However, it helps to know that this might be what the problem was. I really appreciate your insight on this! <3

 

[MrBlue]

Hello,

as the title already says, I keep getting rejected and/or avoided by people.
I am not talking about people online but about people in real life.
I don't get why at all. I am always really nice, even to people who I don't know or to people who are not being nice to me.
I am a people pleaser and I get taken advantage of a lot.
I invited all these "friends" to my birthday parties (when I used to still celebrate them) but nobody ever invited me back and they are not even trying to hide it from me.
They make plans right in front of me but never ask if I wanna come too.
I am never their first choice neither their second.
They only ever ask me if I wanna go out when nobody else can and I always say yes because it's not that often.
When I ask them to go out with me, they never have time or at least that's what they always say.
My friends are the second dearest people in my life after my family. I don't get any love back from either of them.
I feel like maybe it's because I get too attached to people and it's annoying them? I am just afraid of loosing people.
I don't get what I am doing wrong. It's been like that ever since kindergarten.
Sorry for crying to you guys about it but I really don't have anyone to talk to.

I'm hope that you just have'nt met the right people yet mate, especially if your still young. Though your definitely not alone in feeling like that.
I've had a similar problem since I started school, and its persisted into my 20s. I've tried to stop being a people pleaser before but for me personally, it made things worse. Turns out getting people to tolerate me at all requires me to be continuously bending over backwards and useful to them. :/

Other people making plans in front of you always stings, and feeling compelled to say yes to people, even when you're being treated abit shit is hard when that's the only type of interaction you get to experience, at least for me. Its also pretty difficult not to overthink it when there isn't an obvious reason for it. For instance, I always worry that I might appear too attached but then worry I'm seeming aloof or a knobhead.

Maybe I'm too sensitive and being a crybaby lol

 

[muffin222]

Hey, thank you for sharing this. A few years ago, I decided to not go out of my way for others, to put myself first. So, I'm actively working on not people pleasing anymore. However, it helps to know that this might be what the problem was. I really appreciate your insight on this! <3

I'm happy it was helpful for you <3