Venting what is it like to have a loving family?

[Hibiki]

i could use this post to talk about my verbally abusive mother, but that's not the focus of my current feelings... i just can't even get along with my family. i always feel so uncomfortable because i can't be my true self around them. i can't take off my jacket for one second without my father freaking out because people will see my scars. i can't think of a single thing to talk about because all that goes through my head are sexual and suicidal thoughts. it's so clear that everyone else is closer with each other and i am just a shadow in the corner. i feel as though nobody would blink an eye if i suddenly disappeared. family trips are dreadful instead of exciting, like they should be, because i know i'll just feel out of place.

they don't seem to care about me as a person either. they only get excited about me when i'm doing something favorable, like playing music, and then they think it's okay to ask me to play whatever they want even though they never talk to me otherwise. you'd think that, as a dog, i'd be more than happy to follow their orders just so they wouldn't dislike me, but for whatever reason, i get so overwhelmed i can't do anything...

i don't even get a chance to breathe because my dad's always nagging me to be where everyone else is and interact with them. i blocked his number because he wouldn't stop texting me to do this, do that, come here, no matter how many times i expressed my frustrations to him. dad knows how i am and yet he still thinks it's easy for me to function all the time... it's exhausting... i want to go home

source: yukki bunny on gelbooru