What is greater for you? The anxiety of CTBing or the anxiety of remaining alive?

[Promortalistic4Life]

To me it's the latter. I just think about my future, those next thousands of days I gotta suffer through. My brain just goes "No-ho-ho-ho (xmas pun intended) fuck that".

It used to be about the same but ever since I started to do things that gets me out of the comfort like showering cold after each shower session I started to work on my "mental muscles" (no my intention wasn't to get less anxious about suicide, but to do sth against my depression and feelings of anxiety. It truly does miracles to your mind and body, definitely can recommend it!)

 

[KleinerWolf]

Good on ya!
Keep at it.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

the CV19 has turned the anxiety up for me as it interrupted my retirement, which is gonna be short before i CTB.

 

[yive]

What is greater for you? The anxiety of CTBing or the anxiety of remaining alive?

2

 

[WrongGuy47]

Anxiety of failing

 

[KleinerWolf]

I'm actually starting to feel regret not doing the things I would like to do.

I hate limits in life.
Restricts my freedom. *angry face*

 

[NodusTollens]

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Staying Alive.

 

[sadworld]

My anxiety is really high when it comes to both...

 

[symphonyofthenight]

On one hand: I am more scared about how my family is going to react to my lifeless body than I am about CTB. On the other, the thought of having to stay alive, in this hell, for 40 more years, alone...........

Gotta say it's the latter.

 

[rabbithole]

Tons of anxiety about both. It's crippling. I try to take my mind off of ctb entirely to reduce the anxiety around it but half a second later I feel the pain of living and remembered ctb.

 

[Pookie]

Both.

 

[I’vehadenough]

Alive because I'm a medical malpractice victim and my life is complete ruined, physically. It's just hard to die because of all this pro life stuff you see on the internet about how you should find a way...but for me there is no way

 

[WornOutLife]

What a fantastic question!
I think my anxiety has come to a point I can't control it anymore. I'd say BOTH.

 

[Ghost2211]

They're equivalent for me, so I'm just hanging out in limbo till life shifts in one direction or the other.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I'm scared that I'll be caught in the process of killing myself, and it hurts to think about the pain I'll cause my parents. But I can't handle being alive.

 

[justsad&done]

Both, for sure. Anxiety over being alive and being this sad every second. And the anxiety over the pain I'll inflict on my family.

 

[Toptock]

Definitely the anxiety of ctb. It's a whole new state of being, a possibility of new experiences. It could be beautiful, frightening, or nothing at all. Im banking on the "nothing at all" but i have a tendency to be wrong

 

[newave3]

Great question but I don't have an answer......they both suck.

 

[Mentalmick]

Such a difficult question to answer.

 

[issyishere]

I think it's a little of both, Im really afraid of the future but I'm also afraid of being stuck in a situation where I couldn't ctb cause of circumstances, and then on top of that anxiety over what if I fail or if it's painful :/ the being dead part is easy.

 

[justanotherstar]

The latter for me I think, I definitely fear living more than dying. So much shit has happened I cannot have faith that life will treat me or people that I care about, or indeed anyone in the world, fairly. That said I do feel anxious about CTB but it's not about dying, it's about the consequences of my actions on other people. If only I could die in a vacuum

 

[Deleted member 94]

My fate is more or less decided I don't have a date but I know I'll ctb eventually. I have no anxiety about either of the choices. I don't think I will fail and no family to speak of who will be hurt by my passing. Living and dying are one to me.

 

[Gnip]

I promised my mother I would not commit suicide within her lifetime, but I have been the victim of countless broken promises, many which she enabled.

However, if she goes before me, I'll truly have nothing left. She will need to outlive my still living evil father by years and years for me to have any chance at a mental and physical recovery that may now be completely beyond reach. Hence, my membership here.