What is all about?

[ReadyasEver]

Being human, what does it all mean? I've seen so many things in my life, good and bad. I've experienced them all, the joy of holding your children when they born to horror a tagging a dead friend killed in the desert. What does it all mean? I was raised a Catholic, I really liked the message in the New Testament about love, foregiveness, compassion, and mercy. Then, the reality of the world smacks me in the face. Greed, which I participated in embarrassingly, corruption, and every form of debilitating behavior.
What is the purpose? I'm a pragmatic man, a trained master's degree engineer. I did math on the situation of the human condition. I spent hours on it, and came up with 2 + 2 = 5.3756.
Frustrated beyond all belief, I gave up.
Several years ago, my father died. A good, decent man who did what he could. He died very unexpectingly. One night, I finished doing work in the yard in evening. We have a pond in the backyard and I sat down on a large rock. I sat there pondering the entire existence of me, him, everyone actually. I had no idea how long I was there. I realized it was dark outside and came in the house.
The kids in there teenage years gave me a kiss and a hug goodnight. Very usual for teenagers to do. I looked over to my wife and she said, " Dinner is done, the trash is out, everything is cleaned up. You needed to do what you were doing. Grab a shower and clean up. I have a plate for you in oven. Everything will be OK. I love you."
Humanity is such a strange thing. We have the ability to do some of the most altruistic things and the next minute some of the most vile. Maybe I'm not supposed to know. Maybe it just does not add up. Contemplating,thinking, theorizing will never give you a complete answer. Maybe the answer is simply, we are here because we are here.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I have no answers.

I do know you are at your core the most decent and kindest of people and because of that your children will have inherited that from you and felt and experienced that from you growing up.

You have given them a great gift in that. And that will take them forward and grow with them and blossom.

Thank you for a) making me laugh today and b) reminding me to look at things that might be right under my nose ;-)

You will be forever a star that shines brightly in the sky.

Love to you

 

[ReadyasEver]

We as humans seem to cloud everything in this world at times. When you really look at it, we lucked out.

 

[JustAboutDone]

That's beautiful

 

[Hopeless_soul]

I'd guess life is a constant dichotomy of pondering general and particular explanations: maturity might be seen as being wise enough to acknowledge that (whether we like it or not) we are part of a large community of people (humanity), and that we also have our own particular traits that make us unique. Being compassionate, forgiving and merciful is beautiful because it means we are accepting we are not perfect ourselves. But I also think that we are capable of harbouring feelings of revenge, for instance. I believe the key is being OK with the fact there's no point really on living, there's no meaning to be found aside from being healthy as long as you can, being financially stable to pay for food and shelter, enjoying the little things that you love doing, and in the way of that, being humble enough as to not hurt anyone else (at least not too much). That if you want to give life a chance, of course. But I don't know, I don't know... If it were that easy :)

 

[ReadyasEver]

I'd guess life is a constant dichotomy of pondering general and particular explanations: maturity might be seen as being wise enough to acknowledge that (whether we like it or not) we are part of a large community of people (humanity), and that we also have our own particular traits that make us unique. Being compassionate, forgiving and merciful is beautiful because it means we are accepting we are not perfect ourselves. But I also think that we are capable of harbouring feelings of revenge, for instance. I believe the key is being OK with the fact there's no point really on living, there's no meaning to be found aside from being healthy as long as you can, being financially stable to pay for food and shelter, enjoying the little things that you love doing, and in the way of that, being humble enough as to not hurt anyone else (at least not too much). That if you want to give life a chance, of course. But I don't know, I don't know... If it were that easy :)

Yep, I like it. Thumbs up.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

Yep, I like it. Thumbs up.

Hugs.

 

[Buddyluv19]

What does it all mean? I was raised a Catholic, I really liked the message in the New Testament about love, foregiveness, compassion, and mercy. Then, the reality of the world smacks me in the face. Greed, which I participated in embarrassingly, corruption, and every form of debilitating behavior.

@ReadyasEver - thank you, once again, for the thoughtful post. I've been thinking about the same thing recently. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to articulate it here. There is much that I can relate to in your post, and some that I cannot from experience. But a couple of things strike me:
1. You are obviously a very thoughtful man - beloved by your family
2. You have managed to maintain a certain decency - even in illness and adversity

Perhaps it is time to extend mercy, compassion, and kindness to yourself. This is my hope for you - that you are able to give yourself what you have given to others.

Peace to you and your family.

 

[ReadyasEver]

@ReadyasEver - thank you, once again, for the thoughtful post. I've been thinking about the same thing recently. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to articulate it here. There is much that I can relate to in your post, and some that I cannot from experience. But a couple of things strike me:
1. You are obviously a very thoughtful man - beloved by your family
2. You have managed to maintain a certain decency - even in illness and adversity

Perhaps it is time to extend mercy, compassion, and kindness to yourself. This is my hope for you - that you are able to give yourself what you have given to others.

Peace to you and your family.

Thank you very much. I've slowly been coming around to reconciling everything in my life pertaining to myself. It is a very hard road and you have to be brutally honest with yourself.

 

[ReadyasEver]

One thing buddy touched on, the balance in which we try to carve out an existence. Our species has demonstrated millions of times that we can be either be merciful or evil, and anywhere in between. Even through this difficult time, I found peace and strength by sharing my experiences and love with others and my family.
We had a New Year's party, even with the state of affairs. Most people know the shape I'm in, they were surprised that we had the party. It is was a great time, sharing and relating with people, many I've known for over 40 years. My oldest friend flew in from Arizona, the terrible twosome they called us in kindergarten.
It was after this I reached a conclusion for myself. I've been tired, depressed, melancholy like we all are. I decided that in this struggle of life we all must endure, I am going to remain dignified. In the end, when it comes down to the final moment, I'll be at peace with myself, knowing that the dignity in me prevailed over the inherent selfish evil.

 

[Buddyluv19]

Thank you very much. I've slowly been coming around to reconciling everything in my life pertaining to myself. It is a very hard road and you have to be brutally honest with yourself.

@ReadyasEver
I can't presume to know what you are actually feeling, but I think I can at least relate. I am writing a lot about it - I find it easier to get my thoughts out that way. And I mean the old-fashioned way - with a pen and note pad.

I started this process about four months ago, when it became really obvious that I would not survive my illness. I wanted to take a good look at my life, with 'brutal honesty.'

I have filled, up to this point, nearly two notebooks. All I can say is that, for me, the 'brutal' part comes naturally (I've always been hard on myself). As for the 'honest' part, I'm not sure. I suppose I could publish the writing in word-press, send it out to all who have known me, and request feedback. But what would I get? Most of the people I've been close to have been kind and would cut me some slack. The other ones, relatively few, would probably send me nasty remarks about what a shitty person I am - which I already know (thank God there are only a few of them).

Now, of course, I am focusing here on 'relationships'. As for other areas, I have spent little time in analysis.

At this point, I am wondering if it is possible to reconcile everything. Maybe I just need to reconcile enough to leave with peace. This is my hope for you - that you are able to reconcile what is truly necessary and that it leads to an acceptable 'peace'. I hope this is helpful.