I just strayed into the 'Recovery' section for a bit and I came across a post asking people to share any 'success stories'. Which made sense- witnessing others succeed might inspire us to do so also.
But then, that got me thinking. What is success? You can surely appear to be successful while still be struggling underneath.
I've had ideation for 35 years (to varying intensities.) Is it a 'success story' that I've made it alive this far? But then, I'm not happy that I have! I'd much rather it have been over long ago for me. So surely, actual success needs to be defined by us. It can't all be defined by others looking in.
So then- what would 'success' actually look like to you? I suppose I used to have strong career goals but I suppose I realised recently that, even if I was granted the opportunity to attain those, maybe they wouldn't mean what they used to for me.
They more than likely would in fact throw me into a whirlwind of self doubt and self defeatism. The real success would be to overcome all that, increase in ability and, enjoy that success. But, I can't see that happening.
In fact, I dread all of the prospects ahead of me. I just feel too tired and lethargic to even want to have to deal with any of the options. Even when some look vastly better than others, they are all unappealing.
In a more perverse sense, suicide could end up being my longest sought for 'success'- if I manage to pull it off. It's certainly been one of my most consistent wishes in life.
What are your feelings on this? What is 'success' to you? How obtainable is it- do you suppose? Will you be willing to settle for less? Is it in fact a more calming experience deciding you will settle for less?
That's the other thing. I quickly worked out that I didn't enjoy being a small fish in a big pool. Life can be deceptive. Sometimes things that sound impressive don't suit us/ make us happy as individuals. It's more now for me that nothing feels good!
But then, that got me thinking. What is success? You can surely appear to be successful while still be struggling underneath.
I've had ideation for 35 years (to varying intensities.) Is it a 'success story' that I've made it alive this far? But then, I'm not happy that I have! I'd much rather it have been over long ago for me. So surely, actual success needs to be defined by us. It can't all be defined by others looking in.
So then- what would 'success' actually look like to you? I suppose I used to have strong career goals but I suppose I realised recently that, even if I was granted the opportunity to attain those, maybe they wouldn't mean what they used to for me.
They more than likely would in fact throw me into a whirlwind of self doubt and self defeatism. The real success would be to overcome all that, increase in ability and, enjoy that success. But, I can't see that happening.
In fact, I dread all of the prospects ahead of me. I just feel too tired and lethargic to even want to have to deal with any of the options. Even when some look vastly better than others, they are all unappealing.
In a more perverse sense, suicide could end up being my longest sought for 'success'- if I manage to pull it off. It's certainly been one of my most consistent wishes in life.
What are your feelings on this? What is 'success' to you? How obtainable is it- do you suppose? Will you be willing to settle for less? Is it in fact a more calming experience deciding you will settle for less?
That's the other thing. I quickly worked out that I didn't enjoy being a small fish in a big pool. Life can be deceptive. Sometimes things that sound impressive don't suit us/ make us happy as individuals. It's more now for me that nothing feels good!
