What if it would have worked out between me and her? Probably I would be the same suicidal. I would like her to come back, and I would like to CBT having her on my side. I know it's selfish. She will never come back, because she treated me like shit and I treated her worse. I'm planning my CBT right now, I'm getting all the requirement, I sti hope for her to come back, I wouldn't change my mind but it would be much easier. At the same time I don't want her to think that I died because of her. I don't know if she will come to my funeral. Fuck me I'm to messed up. Im fucking all my life I hope I will at least succede at killing myself it would be my only success
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