Excuse me for using this site as my personal diary. I have no one I can just let out everything I want to let out. Venting out my problems just helps me a lot. Especially when there's no restrictions or no one to stop me from saying I want to kms because of said problems.
Today's vent session is about one of my close friends. I'm almost certain they're using me. Not even almost. They are. They string me along like we are in a relationship and then tell me things about doing stuff with other people. It's so bizarre and idk why they do that to me. I love my friendship with them so much. But I know they're using me. And it really hurts. They always say I'm their favorite person and how I'm the only one they can go to about their problems but they never ask me to hang out unless they're sad. I don't feel wanted by them. I feel needed. And I don't want to feel needed. Those that get it, get it. I want to feel WANTED.
So here's what I wish I could do:
Distance myself from them
And I wish they would take notice and ask me what's wrong just so I can tell them this:
"I know you're going to be such a horrible heartbreak for me.
I'm avoiding it now by detaching.
I've been through this same song and dance numerous times.
My friends will breadcrumb me and then once they get into a relationship, they cut me out like I was nothing.
They do that stupid thing where they slowly distance first and then act weird and dry with me.
Until they finally just ghost me.
Hurts my feelings every time.
I don't deserve that.
They used me for the emotional intimacy that the people they *actually* wanted weren't giving them.
I started to have a terrible feeling that's what you were doing to me.
So I'm distancing to save myself from the heartbreak of losing yet another close friend.
I can not take someone else leaving me. I. Can't. Do. It."
They are not the first person who has done this with me. I know there's not much to comment on. But feeling used everyday makes me more sure I want to ctb. I feel like there are no good people left for me here.
Today's vent session is about one of my close friends. I'm almost certain they're using me. Not even almost. They are. They string me along like we are in a relationship and then tell me things about doing stuff with other people. It's so bizarre and idk why they do that to me. I love my friendship with them so much. But I know they're using me. And it really hurts. They always say I'm their favorite person and how I'm the only one they can go to about their problems but they never ask me to hang out unless they're sad. I don't feel wanted by them. I feel needed. And I don't want to feel needed. Those that get it, get it. I want to feel WANTED.
So here's what I wish I could do:
Distance myself from them
And I wish they would take notice and ask me what's wrong just so I can tell them this:
"I know you're going to be such a horrible heartbreak for me.
I'm avoiding it now by detaching.
I've been through this same song and dance numerous times.
My friends will breadcrumb me and then once they get into a relationship, they cut me out like I was nothing.
They do that stupid thing where they slowly distance first and then act weird and dry with me.
Until they finally just ghost me.
Hurts my feelings every time.
I don't deserve that.
They used me for the emotional intimacy that the people they *actually* wanted weren't giving them.
I started to have a terrible feeling that's what you were doing to me.
So I'm distancing to save myself from the heartbreak of losing yet another close friend.
I can not take someone else leaving me. I. Can't. Do. It."
They are not the first person who has done this with me. I know there's not much to comment on. But feeling used everyday makes me more sure I want to ctb. I feel like there are no good people left for me here.
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