What happens after college will affect my decision

[ThatStateOfMind]

I only started college out of a desire to get out a rut and do something productive while simultaneously building a better future (hopefully) for myself.

For some reason, I'm feeling really down right now and I have no clue why. Well, I kinda do but I don't want to share the reason. Ultimately, what happens after college will essentially seal my fate. I don't think it'll be good either. I'm a CS major but I'm not super passionate about coding. I'm not really passionate about anything. I can't see myself enjoying doing anything for 40 or so years of my life. Combine that with the fact that I simply don't think I'll be competitive against people who code for fun multiple days of the week. Those people have passion, something I lack for CS.

I think I'll try my hardest to job search after college but I have no clue how that will go. I've read stories of people sending out thousands applications and getting nothing. I could switch majors but I'm not passionate about anything. I think if job searching doesn't work out, I might just CTB. There's already very little keeping me around right now, and at least I'm trying to better my situation. I don't know if that will certainly happen, everything in life is so random.

Who knows, maybe in 3 years, I'll be in a better place mentally and get a job with relative ease. If that happens, great, I'll do that and live my life. My mind feels so dark and cloudy right now. I don't even know where this feeling came from. I would definitely say its depression rearing it's ugly head again. I hate this feeling, my mind feels so disorganized and I don't know what to do. It's such a bad time too, my Spring semester starts next week. I was so happy just a few days ago and now, it's like I'm doing awfully again.

I don't know what else to say, I'm gonna try to eat without feeling sick and maybe clear my head for a bit, then come back to this post and see how I feel after that, but it probably won't be much of an improvement if at all.

 

[StrangeAndDeath]

I'm in CS too. Same lack of motivation. Although I have been coding for about 9years now, I'm lagging behind those who have an active interest in the stuff. I'm just in college to deflect questions about what I want to do with my life.

Frankly, I just want to end it and I have tried a couple of times and failed. I'm going to try again soon, but I'm waiting to obtain some money first.


But I understand what you are saying

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'm in CS too. Same lack of motivation. Although I have been coding for about 9years now, I'm lagging behind those who have an active interest in the stuff. I'm just in college to deflect questions about what I want to do with my life.

Frankly, I just want to end it and I have tried a couple of times and failed. I'm going to try again soon, but I'm waiting to obtain some money first.


But I understand what you are saying

I agree. I went into it because I thought "computers are cool, this should be cool" and I really loved the first semester I had. I learned the basics of c++ but second semester came, and OOP and pointers really confused me. I have a better understanding of both now but still lagging behind what I should know tbh.

I also hate the question from family: "What do you wanna do in life?" Or "What's your plan for life?" Or any other similar question because I don't have a clear direction.

I also have two failed attempts, never caught, just failed. If I decide to do it in the future, I'm choosing a more lethal method.

It's simultaneously good and bad that someone relates to me. It's good to know I'm not alone but I feel bad that you're in the same situation as me, because it sucks. I plan on using a program I'm in to search for some interest in it or at least STEM in general since CS is kinda versatile. I also plan on using the summer for that program (it's from February to August) and building an online presence through online accounts and try networking. Beyond that, I have no plans and I hope I can put something together, mostly for my family's sake

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Just a sort of update, things haven't gotten better or changed over the day, I've been sad all damn day, I hope I feel better soon

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry you're feeling down all of a sudden. It is normal to feel discouraged and question the point of everything. It seems apathetic CS students are good company around here. @jar-baby knows. As long as you sort of enjoy it, is having a "passion for it" really necessary? Maybe your future job can just be a way to earn money and you can find passion in another areas. You have expressed a desire for a family, right?

In any event, your future is definitely not set in stone at all. Since your low moods seem to be a cyclical thing, is there any comfort in that?

 

[StrangeAndDeath]

I agree. I went into it because I thought "computers are cool, this should be cool" and I really loved the first semester I had. I learned the basics of c++ but second semester came, and OOP and pointers really confused me. I have a better understanding of both now but still lagging behind what I should know tbh.

I also hate the question from family: "What do you wanna do in life?" Or "What's your plan for life?" Or any other similar question because I don't have a clear direction.

I also have two failed attempts, never caught, just failed. If I decide to do it in the future, I'm choosing a more lethal method.

It's simultaneously good and bad that someone relates to me. It's good to know I'm not alone but I feel bad that you're in the same situation as me, because it sucks. I plan on using a program I'm in to search for some interest in it or at least STEM in general since CS is kinda versatile. I also plan on using the summer for that program (it's from February to August) and building an online presence through online accounts and try networking. Beyond that, I have no plans and I hope I can put something together, mostly for my family's sake

That's cool.

I think I've exhausted my frustration with my current situation. I'm determined to ctb sooner or later. All I can hope for is that things don't become worse than they currently are, but that's a faint hope

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's a really frightening time. I understand. I've gone through two creative degrees and come out terrified about not getting work. All you can do is try though. There's nothing to stop you at least researching some companies now. Even seeing if they offer work experience. I think companies will often prefer to go with a known quantity and experience is so good on a CV. I simply don't think colleges/ universities prepare students for the real world. Honestly- I think that's terrible considering how much courses cost but- that's just how it is. You could actually get a head start by starting to think and research this stuff now. That way, it's not this terribly daunting thing on the horizon. It's something you are starting to look into now.

I completely get it though. It all just feels sickening- I understand. I've gone through it quite a few times. Creative jobs are incredibly scarce which means a whole lot of thinking out the box and a whole lot of rejections. I understand why it all feels too much though. Still- all you can do is try and wait and see. I hope you feel more positive soon. I think college/ uni gives us a sense of belonging and security and it can definitely feel terrifying to be leaving that.

I wonder if you're using CTB as a backup plan? I think a lot of us here do that. The whole- if things get too hard to cope with, I'll do it. I've used that as almost a comfort most of my life. Of course, it becomes far less of a comfort when you start actually planning it. Seeing as how unreliable and hard to access methods are but- true- it's there for all of us as an option at some stage. At least we're not immortal!

 

[StrangeAndDeath]

It's a really frightening time. I understand. I've gone through two creative degrees and come out terrified about not getting work. All you can do is try though. There's nothing to stop you at least researching some companies now. Even seeing if they offer work experience. I think companies will often prefer to go with a known quantity and experience is so good on a CV. I simply don't think colleges/ universities prepare students for the real world. Honestly- I think that's terrible considering how much courses cost but- that's just how it is. You could actually get a head start by starting to think and research this stuff now. That way, it's not this terribly daunting thing on the horizon. It's something you are starting to look into now.

I completely get it though. It all just feels sickening- I understand. I've gone through it quite a few times. Creative jobs are incredibly scarce which means a whole lot of thinking out the box and a whole lot of rejections. I understand why it all feels too much though. Still- all you can do is try and wait and see. I hope you feel more positive soon. I think college/ uni gives us a sense of belonging and security and it can definitely feel terrifying to be leaving that.

I wonder if you're using CTB as a backup plan? I think a lot of us here do that. The whole- if things get too hard to cope with, I'll do it. I've used that as almost a comfort most of my life. Of course, it becomes far less of a comfort when you start actually planning it. Seeing as how unreliable and hard to access methods are but- true- it's there for all of us as an option at some stage. At least we're not immortal!

Being immortal would suck lol

 

[jar-baby]

I'm a CS major but I'm not super passionate about coding. I'm not really passionate about anything. I can't see myself enjoying doing anything for 40 or so years of my life. Combine that with the fact that I simply don't think I'll be competitive against people who code for fun multiple days of the week. Those people have passion, something I lack for CS.

I relate. I chose to major in CS largely because I didn't have any better ideas and though I have a degree of interest in it, I'm not passionate about it, or anything else, either. I know in the CS space there's a lot of emphasis placed on passion because a lot of people genuinely do enjoy coding, but that passion, though undeniably helpful, isn't a prerequisite for success. No one tells accountants they're supposed to find accounting fun. Besides— passion can be fickle. I've heard stories of people losing their passion for coding after having to do it as a job (with deadlines, and little room for creativity and fun, etc.) It's being disciplined that matters more, and that'll allow you to compete with your peers, imo. Though I know being apathetic about life in general can get in the way of that. It sounds like your emotional state fluctuates, so I guess you could focus on trying to get as much as you can done during the periods where you feel relatively good?

As long as you sort of enjoy it, is having a "passion for it" really necessary? Maybe your future job can just be a way to earn money and you can find passion in another areas.

Precisely this. It's great if you find your job fun but frankly, you really don't have to.

I plan on using a program I'm in to search for some interest in it or at least STEM in general since CS is kinda versatile.

It's incredibly versatile and I think that's important to note. I remember a professor telling the class in my first year that the thing about CS is that you can link it to whatever your passion is. That is— even if you don't get a typical SWE job, coding, problem-solving and other skills you learn in a CS degree are valuable and can be of use in other endeavours— maybe ones that you are passionate about.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

At least we're not immortal!

Not having to be stuck on pesky mortality which haunts everyone else is the only benefit of feeling this way.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'm sorry you're feeling down all of a sudden. It is normal to feel discouraged and question the point of everything. It seems apathetic CS students are good company around here. @jar-baby knows. As long as you sort of enjoy it, is having a "passion for it" really necessary? Maybe your future job can just be a way to earn money and you can find passion in another areas. You have expressed a desire for a family, right?

In any event, your future is definitely not set in stone at all. Since your low moods seem to be a cyclical thing, is there any comfort in that?

Yeah it's an awful feeling. And yeah I have a desire for family, at least a job would be a way to both provide and fund hobbies. It probably doesn't help that I recently hit the one year mark since my breakup. It's not a conscious thought but maybe my subconscious is thinking about it and bringing me down.

In response, I plan on declutterring both my phones photo album and my rooms of stuff that reminds of her once I'm in a better headspace. It does help,

I think my sadness could be related to the winter season. Ever since I've heard of seasonal depression, I felt that I can relate with it. Either way, it sucks, but it's reassuring to know a possible cause.

That's cool.

I think I've exhausted my frustration with my current situation. I'm determined to ctb sooner or later. All I can hope for is that things don't become worse than they currently are, but that's a faint hope

Well, if it's any help, I'm hoping things don't get worse, and in fact get better for you. I know I'm some random stranger but still.

It's a really frightening time. I understand. I've gone through two creative degrees and come out terrified about not getting work. All you can do is try though. There's nothing to stop you at least researching some companies now. Even seeing if they offer work experience. I think companies will often prefer to go with a known quantity and experience is so good on a CV. I simply don't think colleges/ universities prepare students for the real world. Honestly- I think that's terrible considering how much courses cost but- that's just how it is. You could actually get a head start by starting to think and research this stuff now. That way, it's not this terribly daunting thing on the horizon. It's something you are starting to look into now.

I completely get it though. It all just feels sickening- I understand. I've gone through it quite a few times. Creative jobs are incredibly scarce which means a whole lot of thinking out the box and a whole lot of rejections. I understand why it all feels too much though. Still- all you can do is try and wait and see. I hope you feel more positive soon. I think college/ uni gives us a sense of belonging and security and it can definitely feel terrifying to be leaving that.

I wonder if you're using CTB as a backup plan? I think a lot of us here do that. The whole- if things get too hard to cope with, I'll do it. I've used that as almost a comfort most of my life. Of course, it becomes far less of a comfort when you start actually planning it. Seeing as how unreliable and hard to access methods are but- true- it's there for all of us as an option at some stage. At least we're not immortal!

Ive researched things like internships but I'm too early in my degree for many of them. Even then, I'm in such a rural area that it's made 10x worse. I'm doing an online experience in February and it should look good on a resume at the very least.

Yeah it's sorta like using CTB as a backup plan. It's very daunting but I've attempted before. SN scares me a lot more than others on here, so I think I'd go a different. I live in America so I have easy access to guns which is brutal, but with the right power, instant. And I agree, at least we aren't immortal.

I relate. I chose to major in CS largely because I didn't have any better ideas and though I have a degree of interest in it, I'm not passionate about it, or anything else, either. I know in the CS space there's a lot of emphasis placed on passion because a lot of people genuinely do enjoy coding, but that passion, though undeniably helpful, isn't a prerequisite for success. No one tells accountants they're supposed to find accounting fun. Besides— passion can be fickle. I've heard stories of people losing their passion for coding after having to do it as a job (with deadlines, and little room for creativity and fun, etc.) It's being disciplined that matters more, and that'll allow you to compete with your peers, imo. Though I know being apathetic about life in general can get in the way of that. It sounds like your emotional state fluctuates, so I guess you could focus on trying to get as much as you can done during the periods where you feel relatively good?

It seems like our reasons for choosing CS are pretty much the same: No better ideas and a slight interest, albeit less than others, in it. And yeah, I just feel it's harder without the passion because that passion is what drives those people to make really good projects and practice Leetcode, which feels impossible to me. I get really good ideas for projects but the knowledge of how exactly to execute just isn't there. After this semester starts, maybe I'll begin to feel better and can focus more on a project I started but lost interest in for a bit.

It's incredibly versatile and I think that's important to note. I remember a professor telling the class in my first year that the thing about CS is that you can link it to whatever your passion is. That is— even if you don't get a typical SWE job, coding, problem-solving and other skills you learn in a CS degree are valuable and can be of use in other endeavours— maybe ones that you are passionate about.

I hope you feel better soon.

I think aerospace would be fairly interesting, like developing software in that sector? My interests may change over the course of my degree though. And thank you, this comment has been undeniably helpful to read.